


Wanted - Dead or Alive

by Darthkoalabear77



Category: Alias Smith and Jones, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Bounty Hunters, F/M, Hoss and Joe Cartwright, Old West, Trains, a monkey named Mr. Newton, four cute guys, in the wrong place, two bossy brunettes, whirlpool in pond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-23
Updated: 2021-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-26 07:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30102417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darthkoalabear77/pseuds/Darthkoalabear77
Summary: Han and Luke go for a swim and get caught in a strange whirlpool that sends them to somewhere else entirely.  At the same time, two cute outlaw cowboys get caught up in a whirlpool and get sent somewhere else entirely.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There should have been a warning posted about swimming in cool, inviting looking ponds. Those ponds can be sneaky.

**Wanted - Dead or Alive**

Dantooine

From a hilltop vantage point, Luke Skywalker scanned the green landscape with his macrobinoculars, finally sighing and lower the unit. "Not a thing."

"They're not coming," Han Solo stated firmly, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned against a large boulder. "I knew it. You can't trust a Trandoshan. Simple as that."

Princess Leia Organa shot a glare at the smuggler. "Klarr is a Saurin, not a Trandoshan, and his clan has been supplying the rebellion with information for months. We need those particle guns he promised to sell us."

"Months? Big deal," Han countered. "If Saurins are so much different than Trandoshans, then why did he ask directly about whether Chewie was coming along? They're all the same, if ya ask me. Nasty lizards that hate Wookiees."

"I didn't ask you," Leia responded. "He'll be here. He must have been delayed for some reason."

"Klarr didn't say Chewie couldn't come," Luke pointed out. "He just asked if he was coming with us."

"The way he phrased it, 'Will that worthless hair-covered beast that is incapable of speaking in basic be tagging after his master?' isn't implying he'd rather not have Chewie with us?" Han asked with a scowl. "Chewie wasn't happy when the rebel brass told him to stay at the base. He takes his life-debt to me serious."

"Seriously," Leia corrected the Corellian automatically, her mind already racing ahead to the myriad of reasons Klarr had failed to show.

"I ain't kiddin', Princess," Han said tightly.

Hearing his annoyed tone, Leia twisted her neck to gaze up at the smuggler. "I've never questioned Chewbacca's loyalty to you, Captain."

"Then why did you say that?"

"Say what?" Leia asked, her own irritation level rising.

Luke decided it was time to interfere before things escalated out of control. "She was just pointing out the correct word was 'seriously', not 'serious', Han."

"I don't need any lesson from Her Royal Grammarness," Han snapped.

"Apparently, you do," Leia replied, unable to keep the superior tone from her voice.

Desperate to forestall an argument, Luke held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. "Hey, it's just that we're all tired and hot, and that makes us say things we normally wouldn't say."

"Says who?" Han asked.

"Did you see that pretty little pond on the way up here?" Luke questioned, trying to change the subject.

"What about it?"

"Well, it looked like a nice place to cool off," Luke explained, motioning his bickering two friends to follow. "Wouldn't that feel good? A nice dip in a refreshing pond. It even had a waterfall."

"You're obsessed with water, Kid."

"It's better than what _you're_ obsessed with, Solo," Leia said, carefully making her way down the rocky trail.

"What would _that_ be, Princess?" Han asked with a leer.

Leia refused to take the bait. "We don't have swimsuits, Luke."

"Not a problem," Han said quickly, before Luke could answer. "We'll skinny dip."

The Princess's eyes widened at that comment. "Not a chance, Flyboy! It'll be a snowy day on Tatooine before you'll ever see me undressed."

By this point, Luke had led them back to the pond, and the young man was already grinning in anticipation of the refreshing bath. "We can swim in our underwear."

"Feel free to do just that, Luke," Leia said, plunking down on a suitable rock. "I'll sit and wait for you to have your fun."

"She'd rather have _her_ fun watching _us_ ," Han told his friend with a wink. "Wet shorts get mighty revealing."

This time, Leia's temper boiled over. "How dare you!" She leapt up from the rock. "I'd rather watch a couple of Gamorrean mud wrestlers!"

"And to think that the boys back at base say you have no sense of fun," Han chided, shaking his head. He started to take off his shirt, waiting for the Princess's next reaction. It didn't take long.

"What are you doing?"

"Stripping down. You wanna watch?"

"Argh!" Leia spluttered out, feeling her face flush at the sight of the shirtless Corellian. "I'm going back to that dump heap of yours and wait there." She spun on her boot toe and stomped off through the thicket.

"Maybe we should forgo the swim and follow her," Luke said, looking over his shoulder at the inviting pond. "She shouldn't walk around alone. It could be dangerous."

Han continued undressing. "The _Falcon_ is only parked about three hundred yards away, and we haven't seen a living soul since we got here. Her Holy Huffiness has a blaster and she can take care of herself. 'Sides, now that she's gone, we don't have to worry about modesty."

Luke knew from experience that Han spoke the truth – more than a few times in the past the spunky Princess had saved their necks, and not the other way around. Besides, that pond was very, very tempting…. "You're right. She'll be fine for an hour." Quickly, Luke peeled off his clothing, and cannonballed into the small lake.

* * *

In another pond, on another planet, in another time…..

"This does feels great," the blue-eyed blond-headed man said, dunking his head under the water. "I'm glad I let you talk me into taking this swim."

Another man, this one with dark hair and brown eyes, was currently swimming in the middle of the pond, and he settled into an upright bob to talk. "You've got to listen to me, Kid. I always know what's best, because I'm the brains."

The blond man gave a strained look over at his friend. "Hey, Brains. Have you considered the fact that while we're wasting time enjoying this cool dip, those bounty hunters are getting closer and closer?" He waved his hand toward their clothes, boots, and weapons sitting a few yards away, safe and dry. "I still think we should've worn our skivvies."

"Are you joking?" the other man replied. "I hate how wet woolens feel. First they get prickly, and then they get all dry and scratchy."

"Could've killed two birds with one stone," the blond said. "Our monthly bath plus a clothes washing." After a moment, he asked, "How do you suppose those men found out we were in town?"

The dark-haired man shook his head sadly. "Never trust a woman, that's what I always say."

"I don't think Clem is behind this," the other man argued. "She may not be opposed to blackmailing us on occasion, but she's still a friend."

"You still think it's a coincidence that right after we stopped by her place, all of a sudden Briscoe and his clowns show up in town? Well, I don't. She sold us out."

The blond was about to argue the point when he became distracted by a strong current of swirling water. "Did someone pull out the plug on this tub?"

"What are you babbling about now?" The other man tried to move toward shore, but immediately was pulled into deeper water, with his partner pulled along as well. "What's going on?"

"I was trying to tell you – _Brains_ \- that we're caught in some type of undertow!"

"That's not possible!" He frantically, and unsuccessfully, tried to swim toward the edge of the small lake.

"Try telling the lake that…"

Both men were sucked underwater.

* * *

Dantooine

"We'd better get back to the Falcon," Luke said, trying not to sound disappointed that the reprise was over. "Leia might have gotten in contact with Klarr."

"I hope not," Han muttered, pulling himself out of the pond. "I still don't trust a Trandoshan."

"Saurin."

"Same thing."

"Han," Luke said, his voice sounding a bit panicky.

"What?"

"I… I can't swim closer to shore. There's some type of whirlpool swirling around me all of a sudden."

The Corellian noted that Luke wasn't kidding, and the younger man was being sent in a tightening circle toward the center of the pond by a menacing vortex. "Hold on, Luke. I'm coming." Han jumped back into the water and swam in confident strokes over to his friend. "Grab my hand!"

Luke grasped the smuggler's wrist, and desperately tried to pull himself free of the current. The only thing he accomplished was pulling Han into the whirlpool with him. "Now we're both in trouble," Luke gasped, trying to keep his head above water.

"You can say that again," Han agreed, thrashing about fruitlessly.

Seconds later, both men were pulled under the water.

* * *

Coughing and spluttering, Han and Luke both surfaced at the same instant, the swirling water once again quiet and still.

"Are.. are you okay?" Luke asked, retching from the amount of water he'd swallowed in those few seconds.

Han didn't immediately reply, since he was intent upon reaching the edge of the pond and safety. Dragging himself onto dry land, he helped Luke ashore. "That was a close call. I wonder what in Sith-spit caused the pond to do that?"

The younger man shook his head. "Maybe there was a small ground trembler, and it caused a rift to open up under the water."

"Strange that it would stop so fast, though," Han said. "If a fissure opened it seems to me all the water would have gone underground, and us with it."

"True," Luke conceded. "Let's be grateful we're still alive to discuss it."

"We're not telling the Princess about this," Han ordered as he stood up. "She'll just gloat over the fact she was smart enough not to go for a swim in the first place."

Luke stood up as well. "Leia wouldn't do that. She'll be glad we didn't drown."

"Only that you didn't drown," Han argued. "I doubt she'd care what happened to me."

Luke sighed. "The Princess likes you fine… when you're not being mean or saying hurtful things to her."

"Yeah, right," Han replied. He turned to pick up his clothes, and then frowned down at the ground. "What the hells?"

Luke quickly noticed what Han was looking at. "What happened to our clothes?"

Han reached down and pulled up a grayish, ratty, one piece outfit with a series of buttons down the front. "This stuff smells." He bent over and retrieved a black, wide brimmed hat, staring at the object in disdain. "I've never much cared for hats, myself."

The Tatooine native retrieved a gun rig along with the second set of clothes, and stared at the strangest looking weapon he'd ever seen. "What's this?"

"Looks like an antique blaster," Han replied. "I'll bet this is Leia's doing. She snuck back here when we weren't lookin' and replaced our clothes and weapons with this garbage. I'll bet she even took the time to spy on us, and enjoy the view."

"Uh, Han?"

"Yeah?"

"Great scenario there, except one thing – where did Leia get this stuff?" Luke held up the gun belt, a questioning look in his eyes.

"I…" Han stopped short, puzzled. "I have no idea. Maybe she ran into Klarr, the Trandoshan."

"Saurin," Luke corrected, then asked, "Why would a Saurin be carrying these things around?"

"They probably belonged to some natives, and Klarr ate them. By giving them to Leia, he's figuring on having the locals put the blame on us."

"You have got to be the most suspicious person I've ever met," Luke complained, right before a loud bang reverberated through the air, and a tree branch next to his head shattered into a thousand splinters.

"Someone's shooting at us, Kid," Han yelled. "Now tell me again how suspicious I am."

"Git yer hands up where I can see 'em, varmints," a man's voice yelled out from the bushes. "Or the next shot will be 'tween yer eyes."

* * *

Back on Dantooine, a second set of men pulled themselves out of the water, gasping and gagging.

"I am never going into a swimming hole again," the blond stated. "Tubs are safer."

"But not nearly as exciting," the dark haired man replied. He gave a wide, dimpled grin at his friend. "We'd better get dressed and riding before those Bannerman boys get close."

Nodding, the taller man headed toward their clothing, then stopped short. "Heyes?"

"What is it, Kid?"

"These don't appear to be ours."

"That's not possible," Hannibal Heyes argued as he stepped closer. He reached down and grabbed a white shirt, carefully inspecting the various alien looking clasps. "You're right."

"Thank you," Kid Curry replied sarcastically. He held up what appeared to be a gun belt. "Have you ever seen anything so strange in your life?"

Heyes whipped his head around, scanning the ground. "Where's our clothes? More important, where's our guns?"

"Looks like they've been stolen, and replaced by this garbage."

"What about our horses?" Heyes asked worriedly.

"We'd better go check on them," Curry agreed, pulling on some dark slacks that were embellished with a gold stripe down the outer leg. Then he picked up a shiny black boot and tugged it onto his foot before admiring the footwear. "Mighty fancy."

"Now what are you doing?"

Curry paused briefly. "Do you plan on running around Colorado naked?"

"Guess not," Heyes grumbled, then tugged on light beige pants and a loose white tunic. He struggled to understand the clasps, and when he finished, he held up a pair of shorts. "What are these for?"

"Maybe they go on the outside," Curry suggested. "To protect these fancy pants from getting holes rubbed in by saddles."

Shrugging, both men pulled the shorts over the their slacks. "I gotta say these are the softest clothes I've ever worn in my life," Heyes commented as he put on the dark, pocketed vest, and then admired the even stitching along the edges. He picked up the heavy gun belt, and pulled out the weapon. "It sorta looks like a gun, don't it?"

" _I'm_ the gun expert," Curry pointed out, jerking the weapon from his partner's fingers. The outlaw aimed at a tree branch, and carefully pulled what he hoped was the trigger. A bright red flash emitted from the end of the gun, and the tree was left with a large, smoking hole in the limb. Curry threw down the gun, and backed away, wide-eyed. "What… the ..! _Fire_ came out of the end! Did you _see_ that? What kind of gun spits out fire?"

"I don't have a clue," Heyes whispered in awe. He pointed at the ground, where several other strange objects still lay. "I wonder what those things are?"

"Go right ahead and check them out," Curry said, taking a step back. "I'll wait over here."

Heyes sighed, and bent over to retrieve a box shaped object that vaguely resembled binoculars. Holding it up to his eyes, he could see nothing, so he discarded that and picked up a silver metal cylinder. "What do you suppose this could be?"

"Looks like another strange sorta gun, but I'm not testing it."

"Well, I'll try it," Heyes said as he pointed what he sincerely hoped was the dangerous end toward the still-smoking branch. He pressed one of the buttons and cringed. Nothing happened. After another cursory inspection, he tried again, this time with more success. A bright, blue beam of light shot out from the tube, and Heyes gave a startled yelp before dropping the light stick, which immediately turned itself off, although not before leaving a black scorch mark on the ground. "What _is_ all this stuff?"

"I don't know, but I say we get to our horses, and forget we ever saw any of it," Curry said.

"Leave it?" Heyes shook his head negatively. "I don't have any clue what it is, but it might be valuable. Besides, that strange gun is the only weapon we've got right now."

Curry knew his friend was correct, and reluctantly retrieved the bizarre gun from the ground, while Heyes gingerly picked up the silver tube and the useless binoculars.

The men hiked up the narrow trail, eager to reach their mounts. As they entered the meadow where they'd left the animals, they were utterly astonished to see a very large, dish-shaped metal 'house' sitting on posts in the field instead.

* * *

Colorado, 1883

A ratty looking human with several days' growth of beard and a gray hat slowly exited the brush, pointing a silver gun-type object in Han and Luke's direction. "You toss me them guns and put them clothes on, Heyes and Curry. My partners will be along shortly, now that I've fired off a warning shot." He spit a wad of brown liquid out from between his stained teeth and lips.

"These aren't our clothes," Luke tried explaining.

"That's the local I was telling you about," Han whispered to Luke. "Blaming us for Klarr eating his friends."

"I don't care whose clothes they is," the man growled. "I ain't interested in lookin' at yer nekked butts any longer than I hafta."

With a weapon pointed in their direction, Han and Luke obeyed the man. Luke wrinkled up his nose as he slid the shirt over his head. "You're right, Han. These clothes stink. I wonder when they were last run through a recycler."

"They're scratchy, too," Han griped. "We're going to get bit up by bugs, I just know it."

"Quit yer complainin' about bugs," the man yelled in annoyance. "Them are yer clothes, Heyes, so it stands to reason them bugs are yours, too."

"My name isn't Heyes," Han argued. "You've got us mixed up with someone else."

"Don't try corn-fusing me," the man snapped. "I heard ya calling him 'Kid' as in 'Kid Curry'," he waved his gun toward Luke, "and I heard him callin' ya Han, which is short fer 'Hannibal Heyes', so I ain't mixed up, neither."

"My name is Luke Skywalker," Luke tried to explain again. "And my friend's name is Han Solo. Han just calls me 'kid' as a nickname."

"I know 'Kid' is a nickname," the man ground out. "Whaddya take me fer, a fool?"

"Sorta," Han muttered rather loudly. He yanked on a narrow-toed boot. "This is too tight. It's pinching my toes."

Luke inspected the other pair of boots, and spun a little ridged disk with his finger. "What do you suppose these dura-metal wheels on the heel are used for? They look dangerous."

"You two quit yer jabberin', or I'll shoot yer dead," the man yelled loudly. "Yer both wanted dead or alive, and I don't right care which one it is 'bout now."

Luke frowned at the angry man. "How do you know about the Empire's reward on us?"

"Empire? Since when's the territory of Wyoming an Empire?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Are you in cahoots with them King's Redcoats?"

"King?" Luke questioned, confused. "Palpatine's an Emperor, not a king."

"Palpa.. who?"

Han lunged forward, throwing himself at the man's ankles and tackling him to the ground. The gun fired again, this time into the air before Luke joined in and wrestled the weapon away while Han climbed to his feet.

"Stupid conversation, anyway," Han stated, pointing one of the weapons down at the grungy human.

The now-disarmed man glared up at the pair, seemingly unconcerned about this turn of events. "All this'll do is getcha a ride inside a pine box to Wyoming."

Han turned to Luke. "He said he had friends coming. My advice is… let's get to the Falcon, fast."

"Good idea."

"Yer can run, but yer can't run fast enough," the man warned.

Leaving the unarmed, crazy local behind, Han and Luke hurried up the narrow trail, intent on reaching the safety of the battered freighter. As they entered the meadow where they'd left the ship parked, they skidded to a stop, shocked to see it was no longer there, and in its place were two large animals tied to a tree, grazing on the green grass.

* * *

Dantooine

"Have you ever seen anything like that in all your born days? Curry asked, scratching his head as he gazed up at the huge metal disk. "What do you suppose it is?"

Heyes rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "No, I haven't. Maybe it's part of a train, and it fell off."

"Fell off? From what?"

"From the rest of the train," Heyes explained, rolling his eyes.

"In the first place, there aren't train tracks around here, and in the second place, it doesn't have wheels, Heyes."

"I see that," Heyes replied, annoyed. "The fact it doesn't have wheels might be why it fell off to begin with."

"I reckon it's a new-fangled stagecoach," Curry mused aloud.

"Stagecoach?" Heyes scoffed. "Do you see anywhere to hitch horses to it? Besides, it looks way too big and heavy for horses to pull."

"I'll bet a dozen plow horses could pull it," Curry argued. "My idea is just as good as yours."

"It is not."

"Is too."

Heyes pointed to an opening in the metal object, with a ramp leading up to the inside. "I say we should go check it out. Maybe it's a bank, and they've got a safe with lots of money."

"We're trying to go straight," Curry pointed out. "Safe-cracking is on the list of things we shouldn't do anymore. Besides, what would a bank be doing stuck out in the middle of nowhere?"

"I never said it was a bank for sure," Heyes said, miffed. "I'm just trying to come up with theories." He started to move toward the strange 'house', and Curry reluctantly followed.

"Are you sure going inside is a good idea?"

"Of course it is," Heyes responded. "When have I ever had a bad idea?"

"When you pushed a safe off a cliff to try to get it to bust open, and it got buried in mud instead? Or how about the time you thought you were buying a horse, and it turned out to be a white elephant… literally? Or the time.."

"Shut up," Heyes snapped. "So I'm not perfect. Are you?"

"Never said I was."

Slowly and cautiously, they moved up the ramp and entered the dimly glowing interior. "Stinks in here," Heyes remarked, sniffing the air.

"Kind of like a wet dog that rolled in wheel grease," Curry said in agreement. "It sure isn't a bank."

"There still might be something valuable, though," Heyes said.

"I have a blaster set on high, so if you value your life you'd better put down those weapons and put your hands up where I can see them," a feminine, yet deadly sounding voice came from behind the two outlaws.

* * *

Colorado, 1883

"What happened to my ship?" Han yelled indignantly, stomping into the meadow and causing the two animals to become skittish and snort. "The Princess must've stolen her."

"Leia wouldn't do that," Luke argued. "Something's wrong here."

"I'll say," Han agreed, scowling. "She was mad at me, so she left. I'm sure she thinks she's being funny, and teaching me some type of a behavior lesson."

"Han, listen to me for a minute," Luke insisted. "Do you see any imprint on the ground from the landing struts?"

"No," Han admitted, albeit reluctantly.

Luke pointed up to the trees. "Snapped branches? There were a few of those broken off when we landed here."

"No broken branches," Han said, looking up at the trees.

"The _Falcon_ was never here."

"Then where is it?"

"I'm not sure," Luke confessed, then tilted his head. "Listen."

Han concentrated, and nodded. "Someone's coming. A whole lot of someones, by the sound of it."

"It must be the partners of that local guy," Luke said. "They're probably not inclined to calmly and rationally discuss this in a committee, either."

"We should get out of here, before it's too late," Han agreed. "Especially since they're not too concerned about whether they capture this Heyes and Curry alive or dead."

"I couldn't agree more," Luke said. "Let's get on those equinoids and see if we can find Leia. I hope she isn't in trouble with the locals, like we seem to be."

"We have to ride those beasts?" Han asked, pointing to the brown horses. "They look dangerous. And uncomfortable."

"From the sound of it, the natives are coming on equinoids," Luke stated. "Do you think we can outrun them on foot?"

Han gave a long-suffering sigh as he headed over to the jittery animals. "Calm down, boy," Han told the lighter colored of the two brown horses. "I'm sure this will be as bad for me as it is for you."

* * *

Dantooine

Both men did as they were told, then slowly turned to see a petite, dark-haired woman with a hair style they'd never seen before. She was wearing dark green shirt and pants. Pants! But what caught their attention was the fact she was waving the same type of fire weapon they had found next to the pond. "Howdy," Heyes said, giving his widest grin, the kind that always seemed to work on almost every female. "I suppose you might be wondering why we came into your house uninvited."

"No, actually, I'm wondering why you're wearing my friends' clothes, and carrying their weapons," the lady replied, her eyes flashing with anger. "If I find out you've hurt them in any way, I won't be responsible for my actions."

"What friends would that be?"

"Two men," the lady shot back. "Han Solo and Luke Skywalker."

"Han Solo? Is he Chinese?" Heyes questioned.

The woman frowned. "He's Corellian."

"Corellian?"

"From _Corellia_ ," the young woman explained tightly.

Heyes looked over at his partner. "That must some place foreign, like Constantinople. Or maybe Timbuktu."

"Where are those places?" Curry asked.

"Don't rightly know. I just recall reading the names in a fancy New York newspaper."

"When did you ever get your hands on a New York newspaper?"

"A while back," Heyes said. "Someone left it on a train we held up, and I took it when we rode off."

"Shut up!" the woman ordered, her face flushing with anger. "Where are my friends?"

Heyes and Curry eyed each other, then shrugged. "We don't know where they went. We found these clothes on the edge of the pond."

"And just felt compelled to put them on and steal them?" When she noted the men's arms were lowering a bit, she waved the gun again in a threatening gesture. "Put those hands back up."

"Well, no," Curry said, seeing that Heye's usual charm wasn't working. "We were swimming in that pond, and when we got out of the water, our clothes were gone, and these were the only thing left. We never saw anyone else swimming there. Honest."

"I don't believe you."

"Why would we lie to you?"

"I don't know," she snapped back. "Why are you wearing underwear on top of pants? Some things just can't be explained."

Heyes looked down. "Those short pants are supposed to go _under_ the long pants? We didn't know that."

"I'll bet."

"We can help you look for your friends," Heyes volunteered.

"We can?" Curry asked, looking at his friend for clarification. "What about Briscoe's hired guns?"

"Who's Briscoe?" the woman questioned sharply.

"A very unfriendly fellow," Heyes explained. "Oh, I should introduce myself and my friend. Joshua Smith at your service, ma'am. My friend's name is Thaddeus Jones." When the young lady continued to glare, he added, "And your name would be?"

"Leia Organa."

"That's a mighty pretty name, Leia."

"Whatever."

"Maybe the posse had something to do with your friends' disappearance," Heyes suggested. "They're the sort that shoots first and asks questions later."

Curry nodded. "If they only saw two men taking a swim, they might have thought it was us from a distance."

"I guess that's a possibility," Leia conceded. "Which means, once again, it's up to me to rescue those flyboys' sorry butts."

Heyes and Curry glanced at each other, confused at the young woman's terminology. "We'll do whatever we can to help, right Thaddeus?"

"Right, Joshua," Curry said unhappily.

"Mistress Leia?" a prim voice called out from around the curve of the corridor. "Is everything alright? My audio receptor is unable to identify the voices you are conversing with in the corridor." The golden droid came tottering stiffly around the corner, and came to a stop. "Oh, so I am correct. We _do_ have visitors."

Eyes wide and mouths agape, Heyes and Curry tried to turn and run away. Unfortunately, they only managed to trip and knock over a barrel-shaped object that emitted a loud, squealing whistle as the two humans tumbled to the floor.

* * *

Colorado, 1883

"Ow, ow, ow…" Han complained as they bounced along, their rears slapping up and down against the hard leather saddles. "This is painful beyond words."

"I wonder who these equinods belonged to," Luke asked from his mount, which was currently in the lead. "They might be really mad at us for stealing their animals."

"I'll tell them it was all your idea," Han replied before asking, "What makes you think these are called equinods? I'm thinking they're more closely related to a pulga."

"Don't you mean bordoks?"

"No, I'm pretty sure they're called pulgas."

"At least they seem to be vegetarians, unlike arqets."

"You wouldn't catch me trying to ride an arqet," Han agreed as he swiped the sweat from his forehead. "Now I know why the locals wear hats. That sun is hot."

"We should see if these equinoids can go any faster," Luke said.

"FASTER? Are you crazy?"

"No, I'm not," Luke replied, glancing back over his shoulder. "Those locals are catching up." Giving his animal a gentle nudge with the Force, he was gratified when the beast broke into a much faster run. Han's animal immediately increased its stride to keep up.

"It's not as painful at this speed, is it?" Luke yelled over at Han.

"Not until we fall off," Han yelled back. "Kid?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any idea where we're going? Or how we're supposed to find Leia? Or what we're going to do for food or water if this search takes a while?"

"None whatsoever."

"Glad to hear it."

The faster pace seemed to do the trick, and the sound of their pursuers faded in the distance. After long moments of silence, Han asked, "So, just asking, what made you decide to head in this direction? The Force told you so?"

"No," Luke replied. "It's the direction my equinoid wanted to go."

"Our entire future lies with the whim of some brainless pack animal? How reassuring."

"Animals usually have a good reason to head in a particular direction. I'm hoping he's a sensible equinoid." A few minutes later, they crested a hill, and Luke pointed. "Look. There's a little village. The equinoid knew what he was doing."

"Yeah, leading us right into the heart of an angry mob with pitchforks and torches," Han muttered.

"Pessimist."

As they neared a small, wood-frame house at the outskirts of the town, both equinoids came to a stop. "Home, sweet home," Han said.

The front door banged open, and a dark-haired woman rushed out. "Heyes! Curry! You have to hide… " She skidded to a stop near the animals, looking up in confusion at the two riders. "You're not Heyes and Curry."

"Well, you don't look like Princess Leia, so I guess we're even," Han grumbled.

The woman whipped a gun out from behind her long skirt, and pointed it at Han. "We're only even when I say we're even. Now get off those stolen horses before I put a hole in you."

"First thing that comes out of your mouth and you go insult the lady," Luke grumbled as he dismounted. "Good job."

Han looked over at Luke as he slowly and painfully crawled off his animal. "This isn't my fault. I only said she didn't _look_ like Leia. How was I to know she would _act_ like her?"

"Now what did you do to poor Heyes and Curry?" the slender, dark haired female demanded, brandishing the pistol in their direction. She was wearing a long dress, and wore her hair up on top of her head.

Luke groaned. "We've never met those two guys. You've got to believe us."

"I don't have to believe anything," the lady snapped. "You coming riding up to my home wearing their clothes, riding their ponies, and carrying their weapons. I wasn't born yesterday. What I do believe is that you killed them. That's a hanging offense in these parts."

Han scratched his chin. "That guy that was shooting at us when we got out of the pond said someone named Briscoe was after Heyes and Curry, and those two were wanted dead or alive. Even if we did kill them -which we didn't - it doesn't seem to me the law would hang us. In fact, they might even give us some credits."

At first the woman seemed dismayed at that comment, then she smirked. "Unfortunately for you, Briscoe was the only one in that posse that could've recognized that you weren't Heyes and Curry, and he's currently indisposed." She tilted her chin up defiantly. "And I won't be correcting them, if that's what you have in mind."

"Indisposed? In what way?" Luke asked, becoming concerned.

"Right after he rounded up the local men, he got a telegram from Denver, claiming he was urgently required back at the Bannerman detective headquarters. I don't know the details, but he ordered the hired men to find you, and then took off on the next stagecoach like he had a burr under his saddle."

"Eventually someone will figure out we're the wrong guys," Han argued, not bothering to ask what a 'burr', 'stagecoach', or a 'telegram' was, since it would only side-track the conversation.

"If you're shot dead by the posse, will it matter?"

Luke decided to try a less confrontational approach. "What's your name, by the way? Mine's Luke Skywalker, and my friend is Han Solo."

"Was it a good idea to tell her our real names?" Han whispered out of the side of his mouth. "She might be an Imperial informant."

"I didn't think about that," Luke admitted.

"Great."

"Those are mighty strange names," the woman replied. "And you both talk funny, too. You're not from around these parts, are you?"

"Uh, no," Luke answered. "Dantooine is pretty far from where we come from."

The woman looked puzzled. "Dantooine? Where's that?"

"It's the name of this planet," Han said, shaking his head. "I've heard the locals are backwards, but I didn't think they were this backwards."

"Planet?" The woman frowned. "I may be backwards to you city boys, but I know where I'm standing. This isn't Dan... dan..."

"Dantooine," Luke supplied.

"This is the town of Booneville, in the State of Colorado," the woman informed them. "Colorado's been a state since 1876, I'll have you know. It's never been called 'Dantooine' either."

"Whatever," Han groused. "You haven't seen a Corellian YT-1300 freighter lately, have you?"

"A what?"

"My ship," Han explained, growing impatient. "The _Millennium Falcon_."

"I haven't seen anyone toting a ship through town, but if they did, the only place they could've taken it is to one of the local lakes," she said. "Boone Lake is the biggest one around, and it hardly is big enough to hold a teacup sized boat, much less an entire ship."

"No, not that kind of ship," Han said, grinding his teeth. "The kind that flies."

"Flies?"

"Up in the air? Through hyper-space?"

The woman took a careful step back, her eyes growing wide with alarm. "You two haven't escaped from that institution in Denver, have you?"

"My friend is joking about flying ships," Luke said quickly. He had to gain this woman's trust. He gazed around at the scenery, his Force-sense tingling. Something about this place seemed different, off in some way he couldn't quite put his finger on. "You still haven't told us your name."

"Clementine Hale. My friends call me Clem."

"Nice meeting you, Clem."

"Did I say you were a friend?" Clem shot back. "Heyes and Curry, now they've been my friends since childhood."

"I apologize," Luke said. "We'd like to help you find your friends."

"We would?" Han asked in disbelief. "Are you forgetting something? What about Leia? What about the _Falcon_?"

"We can help each other," Luke insisted. "The Force is telling me where Leia is, so are this Heyes and Curry. Find one, and we'll find them all."

"Force?" Clem questioned. "Who's that?"

"Don't ask," Han said with a groan.

Clem looked past the men, toward the horizon. "That posse's coming. Believe me when I say they're gonna think you're Heyes and Curry, and I won't be able to convince them you're not."

"So what do you suggest we do now?" Han asked. "Keep running?"

Clem tapped her chin with the barrel of the pistol. "That won't work. That posse's way too close. Get your horses inside my barn and take off their saddles. Then hide up in the hayloft."

"Did you understand any of that?" Han questioned Luke.

"And a hayloft would be..?" Luke asked Clem politely.

She rolled her eyes. "You are two of the greenest greenhorns I've ever met. There's a ladder that will let you get up above the horse stalls. Is that clear enough?"

"Clear as mud," Han muttered, pulling his horse along as he followed Luke toward the barn.

* * *

Dantooine

"She's got some of them Knights of the Round Table, right here in Colorado. Let's get out of here before we get run through with a sharp pole!" Heyes screamed from the slippery floor, trying to push his friend out of his way.

"What do you think I'm trying to do , Heyes? Taking the time to scrub the floor?" Curry yelled back, pushing fearfully at the short, blue and white can that was busy shooting painful bolts of small blue lightning at both men.

"Is he referring to Master Luke becoming a Jedi Knight, Mistress Leia?" Threepio piped up over the shouting humans. "But the only round table he ever seems to sit at is Captain Solo's dejarik table."

"What are you doing?" Leia yelled at the scrambling men, as they tried to claw their way out of the corridor. "Stand up this instant!"

"We're trying to, ma'am," Curry gasped. "Please turn off your metal barrel weapon. It's powerful painful."

"Artoo, please stop zapping my guests," Leia ordered. She hadn't yet stopped pointing the gun at them, either, and finally both men regained their footing and raised their hands above their heads again. "I don't understand what's upsetting you so much."

Heyes pointed, his eyes wide with fear, at Threepio. "I've read about the Knights. Are you Morgan Le Fay?"

"Who?" Leia spluttered out. "What are you babbling about?"

"Yeah, Heyes, what _are_ you babbling about?" Curry agreed, getting annoyed at his friend.

Heyes sighed. "Don't you ever read, Curry? Morgan Le Fay is the sorceress from the King Arthur legend."

"I'm not a sorceress," Leia snapped. "Wait a minute! Why are you calling each other Curry and Heyes? Didn't you say your names were Jones and Smith? Which is it?"

"Yeah, Heyes," Curry goaded. "Explain that one."

Heyes glared at Curry, then looked at Leia. "Well, ma'am, it's never a good idea to tell someone that's got a gun pointing at you what your real name is, is it?"

"Only if you have something to hide," Leia stated.

"Yeah, Heyes. What are we hiding?"

Heyes dropped his arms to his side, and took a menacing step toward Curry. "You're coming mighty close to getting a serious pounding, Kid."

Curry backed up, and grinned at Leia. "My name is Kid Curry, and this here is my cousin, Hannibal Heyes. That's the honest truth, too."

"Listen up, boys," Leia ordered. "You promised to help me find Solo and Skywalker. You're not backing out, are you?"

"You still haven't explained the metal man," Heyes said.

"My name is C-3PO," the droid said politely. "I am a protocol droid, and I am fluent in six million forms of communication. Although I do have to admit some of your terminology leaves me flummoxed."

"Threepio isn't a human," Leia tried explaining. "He's a machine made to look like a man. I know Dantooine is a bit out of the way, but surely you've at least heard of droids."

"That must be where the confusion lies, ma'am," Curry said. "This is Colorado, not Dantooine."

"Your train must have made a seriously wrong turn somewhere," Heyes added. "I've never even heard of Dantooine. Maybe it's in Mexico?"

"No, it's not," Leia argued. "But I really don't have time to stand here and argue endlessly with you. I've got friends out there, and they're in trouble." She looked at the droid. "You are to stay here with Artoo, and keep the ship locked up and pay attention to the comlink."

"Yes, Mistress Leia, I will most certainly do what you request. It is a much better plan that I stay here, inside the ship, rather than attempting to follow you outside, where I would undoubtedly get in the way and slow you down. It would also seem to me that, based on the reaction of Master Heyes and Master Curry, that the local humans are not accustom to seeing droids, and they might be inclined to do something rash, and that would be bad for my circuits," Threepio stated.

Heyes gave a pained look at Leia. "He's a bit annoying, isn't he?"

"Always," Leia agreed.

* * *

Colorado, 1883

Han pulled a sharp piece of straw from under his collar. "What if she betrays us?"

"She won't," Luke replied, staring down at the stables through the narrow wooden slats.

"How do you know that? We've just met her, and if these guys are wanted by the law, there's undoubtedly a reward. By telling those bounty hunters that we're Heyes and Curry, she could not only collect the reward, she could also buy them time by betraying us."

"Eventually they'd find out we weren't the guys they're looking for," Luke pointed out.

"And then they'd discover we're wanted by the Empire, instead," Han argued. "That's not an improvement."

"The Empire doesn't exist here."

Han let out a snort. "Dantooine might be in the outer rim, but the Empire still exists."

"I can't explain it, Han, but somehow we're not in our galaxy anymore. Nothing feels the same through the Force. Besides, Dantooine doesn't have any permanent settlements, just wandering tribes. Did you notice a village on the scanner when we first landed?"

"No."

"Exactly. This isn't Dantooine," Luke stated firmly.

"How did that happen?"

"I don't know," Luke admitted. "I think that whirlpool must have been more than what it appeared to be."

"Are you saying there's some vortex, some portal that we got sucked into?"

"Yes," Luke replied. "And unless I miss my guess, this Heyes and Curry got pulled into our universe."

"So they're with Princess Leia right now?"

"Probably."

Han laughed. "Poor guys. I feel sorry for them."

* * *

Dantooine

After allowing the cowboys a chance to rearrange their borrowed clothes, Leia led the men down the path, back to the pond. "This is where I left them. And you never saw them? Are you sure?"

"Positive," Heyes said. "We just got caught up in a whirlpool, and when we freed ourselves and swam to shore, our clothes were missing and these were there instead."

"Whirlpool?" Leia questioned. "What whirlpool? You didn't mention that before."

"I didn't think it was important," Heyes admitted.

"They could have drowned," Leia said, feeling panicky. She gazed around the pond, feeling a bit of relief that nothing seemed amiss. Although that didn't discount the possibility their bodies were trapped underwater.

She was about to suggest they walk the edge of the shore when a blaster bolt came zinging out from a thicket of trees, narrowly missing her head. "Someone's shooting at us!"

Both men ran behind a tree, pulling the Princess along with them to safety. "Who would have _another_ fire gun?" Curry questioned in shock.

A gravelly voice called out, "Give up while you can, Rebel ssscum! The Imperialsss are on their way and you're worth more alive than dead." A tall, well-armed reptilian sentient stepped out from behind his cover, and fired another blaster shot before ducking back behind the large rock.

"That can't be what I think it is," Heyes gasped out, clutching his chest. "That pond water must've been mixed with locoweed juice."

Curry blinked and rubbed his eyes. "We wouldn't be hallucinating the same thing. That _is_ a giant talking lizard."

"Klarr?" Leia spluttered out in surprise. "Is that you?"

"Klarr never exisssted, you gullible fool," the voice hissed out. "I am Bossk, the Bounty Hunter."

"I hate it when Solo is right," Leia muttered in disgust.

* * *

Colorado, 1883

"They're hiding right up in the hayloft," Clem's voice came drifting up through the rickety floor. "Come on down, boys. It's no use hiding. They've got you dead to rights."

"And dead it'll be, too, if yer try any more funny business," said the same cowboy that had almost captured them earlier.

Han glowered at Luke. "I thought you said she wouldn't betray us."

"Apparently, I was wrong," Luke muttered.

"Worthless Force. Nothing but hocus pocus."

"It is not," Luke insisted. "I'm still a novice at using it, but it's real."

Both men climbed down the ladder, and held their hands up above their heads as they were now surrounded by eight grungy and angry looking men, all pointing slug-shooters in their direction. "Why don't you tell them we're not Curry and Heyes?" Luke asked Clem, trying to appeal to her better nature. "What is this going to accomplish?"

"I've already told you, Kid," Han groused out. "She wants the money."

The young lady gave a cheeky grin. "Why, Heyes, you know perfectly well it's a crime to aid and abet criminals. Surely you aren't implying you'd rather I go to jail?"

"Better you than me," Han grumbled.

Another man stepped forward, holding up a torn piece of flimsy, and after inspecting the flimsy and gazing intently at Luke and Han, he addressed the first guy. "This here wanted poster sure don't look much like them, Fred."

Fred shook his head. "So it was drawed up by a bad artist. I told yer I heard them callin' each other by their real first names, 'Kid' and 'Hannibal'. 'Sides, Miss Hale's swearin' these are them, too. I ain't been born yesterday, Wally."

Wally stepped forward, and the rest of the men quickly grabbed ropes and tied up Han and Luke. "It was mighty polite of you boys to head back toward town. Now we can all sleep in our own beds tonight, instead of swatting at skeeters."

"Well, _we'll_ be able to sleep in our beds tonight," Fred inserted, waving his pistol at Luke. "Ya'll be staring up at the stars through iron bars. I told ya yer couldn't outrun us."

"Briscoe will be so proud of you," Clem told the posse, even taking the time to give Fred a peck on his scruffy cheek. "All these months of trailing the two most cunning outlaws in the west, and it took your brilliance to finally capture them."

The posse men beamed with pride as they hauled Han and Luke off toward the nearby town, and the waiting jail house.

* * *

Dantooine

"Lizards can't talk! Lizards don't grow that big," Heyes argued with his friend. "Lizards don't wear clothes! Lizards can't shoot fire guns!"

Curry waved his hand toward the boulder. "Try telling all that to the Lizard Man."

"You have some explaining to do, missy," Heyes said, wagging his finger in Leia's face.

Another blaster shot went whizzing past. "Right now?" Leia asked. "We seem to be a bit busy." Keeping the smaller blaster for herself, she thrust Han's larger DL-44 toward the man. "What kind of aim do you have?"

Heyes immediately handed the weapon over to Curry. "He's the gunfighter. My talents lie more toward card games and breaking into safes."

When Leia could see that Curry seemed reluctant to use the weapon, she tried reassuring him. "It works just like a slug thrower. Point and pull the trigger."

"I've never actually killed anyone, ma'am," Curry told her.

This surprised Leia. "Really? And you're considered a gunfighter on your planet?"

"He's never _had_ to kill anyone," Heyes explained. "By the time his opponent gets his hand on the grip, the Kid has his gun out of the holster, pointed and aimed. The Kid's never been outdrawn – not even close."

The Princess wondered briefly how Curry would fare against Solo in a gun draw contest, before telling the man, "You might be required to break that streak of not killing anyone. Bossk isn't shooting a stun charge at us."

"Besides, Kid," Heyes said lightly as another blaster shot was fired at them. "It's a giant lizard. I'm not sure killing a lizard will even count against you."

Squinting down the blaster's sights, Curry squeezed off a shot, sending a shower of pebbles off the top of the boulder. He admired the weapon with a grin. "I could get used to this new-fangled gun."

"You cannot sssucceed, Rebelsss," Bossk shouted at them. "Lord Vader's Ssstar Desstroyer isss arriving."

"Vader," Leia whispered, her face growing pale.

"Do I dare ask who Lord Vader is?" Heyes questioned worriedly.

"You can," Leia said distractedly as she pulled a small metal tube from her utility belt. "Threepio? Can you hear me?"

The droid's voice came over the small speaker. " _Yes, Mistress Leia. It appears to me that, according to the Millennium Falcon's sensors, you are under assault by blaster fire_."

"We're aware of that, Threepio," Leia said dryly. "Do the sensors indicate any incoming space craft activity?"

" _I have not been monitoring that particular readout," Threepio replied. "Would you like me to do so_?"

"Yes, Threepio," Leia said, trying to control her temper. "Please."

" _Oh, dear! It seems that a Super Star Destroyer has just entered the system's sensor range! We should probably leave now. Have you located Captain Solo and Master Luke yet_?"

"No, not yet," Leia said. "Threepio, listen to me carefully. We're cut off and can't get back to the ship, so you'll need to fly the Falcon to the far side of Dantooine. Keep the ship as low to the surface as possible, and move away from the Destroyer's sensor range. Find a place large enough to hide the ship, turn off all of the electronic systems except for the ability to monitor incoming communications, and wait there until I contact you. Do you understand these instructions?"

_"It might be possible that Captain Solo will be perturbed if I move his ship. He seems to be rather possessive of the Millennium Falcon, and if I recall correctly, he even refers to this ship as a 'she', which would imply he considers this ship a living entity with the ability to think independently, rather than an intricate electrical and mechanical system of interconnected parts, which enable the ship to perform a myriad of programmed tasks simultaneously_."

"Threepio."

" _Yes, Mistress Leia_?"

"Don't make me hurt you."

" _It appears that Artoo is already busy starting the preliminary lift-off procedures, so I will obey your orders and wait until you contact me. Take care, Mistress Leia, and please do your best to locate Master Luke. I have become rather fond of him_."

The comlink went mercifully silent, and moments later the roar of the engines from the _Millennium Falcon_ sounded as the battered ship could be seen over the trees lifting into the air. For a moment the _Falcon_ tilted precariously to the left, then overcorrected too far to the right. Leia swallowed hard, and sincerely hoped she hadn't made a huge mistake by ordering Threepio to fly Han's precious ship. Then, to her vast relief, the ship straightened before making a partial turn and shooting off into the distance.

"It's a good thing we're not drinking men," Curry muttered in awe upon seeing this sight, "or we'd be hitting the bottle hard, and never letting it leave our fingers."

"Don't count that out yet, Kid," Heyes replied, staring up at the darkening sky. He was about to point out that there were two moons in the evening sky, but then decided there wasn't any point. After everything that had happened in the past few hours, the sky suddenly having two moons seemed rather quaint.

The alien bounty hunter yelled out, "Sssending your ssship off will not help you esscape your fate."

"So, what's the big plan?" Heyes asked. When Leia only frowned, he gently prodded, "You do have a plan, don't you?"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking," Leia grumbled.

"She's as good at this as you are, Heyes," Curry said, grinning.

"Why don't we see if this Lizard Man has a horse. He had to get here somehow, and I'm not above borrowing his ride," Heyes suggested.

Leia pursed her lips in thought, and glanced down at a small rectangular shaped box with blinking lights strapped to her belt, and twisted a few dials. "That's not such a bad idea." She put her fingers to her lips, then crouched down and indicated the men should follow.

After a few long minutes they came upon a rather odd-looking bike with no wheels. "What is that?" Curry questioned.

"A Starhawk speeder bike," Leia whispered. "Although it only has one passenger seat, we should all be able fit on it, even it is a bit crowded." She flung her leg over the forward seat, and waited for the men to follow her example. Curry gave a shrug and mounted the bike behind the Princess, leaving Heyes to crowd behind Curry on the passenger seat.

With a quick twist of her wrist, the bike roared to life and lifted off the ground. "Hang on," she yelled over her shoulder. With that warning, she hit accelerator and the machine lunged forward at a high rate of speed.

"Ahhhh!" Heyes screamed, holding onto Curry's waist for dear life. "What did you call this thing?"

"A Starhawk speeder," Leia yelled back over the roar of the wind. "It's considered a very reliable bike, so hopefully it won't break down."

"It can break down?" Curry asked in concern.

"Don't worry," Leia replied blithely. "You can always get off and push if that happens."


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han and Luke get tossed in jail. Heyes and Curry get tossed into a dungeon.

Colorado, 1883

Sitting morosely in the tiny hot jail cell, Han cupped his chin against his palm. "This place has got to be the dumpiest jail cell I've ever been locked up in, and I've been locked up in quite a few, too."

"I could get us out in no time flat if I had my lightsaber," Luke commented, inspecting the metal lock.

"A lightsaber?" Han asked, incredulous. "Give me a decent toothpick and I could have us out."

Luke sank slowly to the hard floor, a look of despair on his face. "We don't have either a toothpick or my lightsaber."

"And what if we did? Then what? Do you have the remotest idea of how to get us back where we belong?"

"No," Luke admitted. "I thought maybe we could go back to the pond and see if the whirlpool would reappear."

"Then jump back in, hold our breath and hope we come out on Datooine?" Han questioned. "If it is some type of portal, we could just be trading this planet for some even worse planet. Maybe even a planet that doesn't support human life."

"I guess. Maybe we're stuck here forever."

"That's certainly a cheery thought," Han said. "Or, as Threepio would say, 'we're doomed.'"

"What do you think about Clementine?"

"Besides the fact that she's a dirty double-crosser?"

"Yeah, besides that."

Han chewed his lip in thought. "Well, she is cute. And she's got a lot of spunk. Do you suppose a guy like me and – ."

"NO!" Luke shouted in disgust. "Is that the only thing you ever think about?"

"Sure. That, and having lots of credits and good whiskey. What do you think about all the time?"

"The Force, and how to defeat the Empire."

"That figures," Han said. "Sounds like my thoughts are way more fun than yours."

Luke sighed. It was going to be a very long night indeed.

* * *

Much later that night...

"Psst!"

Luke sat up on his hard cot, instantly awake. "Han, did you hear that?"

The Corellian let out a loud snort, then turned over on his side. "Sorry. Didn't mean to snore."

"PSSST!"

Han opened one eye. "Now that, I heard."

"What do you suppose it could be?"

"It's me, you dumb billy-goats," Clem's voice whispered loudly through the small barred window.

The young Jedi jumped up and, standing on the cot, he peered out through the bars and into the narrow alley. Although Clem was standing on a barrel, her chin barely reached the lower window sill. "Are you two alright?" she asked.

"What do you care?" Han groused, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "You're the reason we're the honored guests in this pleasant establishment, in case you've forgotten."

"It wasn't my fault," Clem argued.

"Why does that line sound so familiar?" Luke asked, glancing toward Han.

"It wasn't my fault," Clem insisted. "Your horses' tracks led right up to my house, and although Fred and Wally aren't the sharpest tacks in the toolbox, even I couldn't fool them into thinking you weren't hiding inside the barn."

"You're the one that TOLD us to hide in the barn in the first place!" Han yelled indignantly.

"Quiet," Clem hissed. "So I made a little mistake. At least I'm trying to make things right, unless you two aren't interested in my help."

"Help?" Han repeated in disbelief. "Is that what you call it on this planet when you stab someone in the back?"

Clem sighed. "Fine. Have fun in Wyoming territory. I hear the scenery is pretty up that way." She started to get down off the box.

"No, wait!" Luke called out. "We want your help, Clem. What are you suggesting?"

She stopped and smiled sweetly at Luke. "It's a good thing you boys are such fine-looking gentlemen. Alright, I'll help you – just tell Solo to stop his caterwauling before he wakes up the deputy. Now, this is my plan - I'll go bat my eyes at Deputy Riggins, and when he's all flustered and distracted I'll steal the jail keys. I hope you appreciate the fact that Riggins isn't a bit fine-looking, and his breath smells like ten day old socks that have been soaking in sour milk, so I'm making a mighty big sacrifice for you boys. Then I'll come back here and pass you the keys, and after that I'll go set the hotel's outhouse on fire. After that's busy shooting flames sky high, I'll ring the fire alarm, which will cause Riggins to come running out to check out why the bell is ringing. Then all three of us will get on our horses - which I already have saddled up and waiting - and go find Heyes and Curry, just like you said you would. Agreed?"

"You lost me at 'steal the jail keys'," Han said.

"Agreed," Luke reassured Clem. He glared at Han, daring him to dispute his promise. To his relief, the Corellian actually remained silent for a change.

"Good," Clem said, getting down off the box. "Now wait here while I go get those keys. Just remember to hang them back on the hook behind the desk when you're sneaking out, or Riggins will figure out it was me that took them in the first place."

"Wait here, she says," Luke grumbled as he jumped off the cot. "Where does she think we can go?"

"How are you gonna convince her that her friends are currently lost in a different galaxy, and we have no idea how to get them back?" Han asked.

"I haven't got a clue," Luke replied. "I'm still trying to decide if we should trust her again."

"What's your all-powerful Force telling you?"

"It's being rather ambiguous."

"Yeah? My butt's ambiguous about getting back up on a horse, so I guess that makes us even."

* * *

Dantooine

They had driven for several hours without stopping. Only when exhaustion overwhelmed them, and the risk of traveling through unknown territory in the inky blackness became more of a risk than it was worth, did the Princess finally slow and turn off the engines.

From their campsite, Leia scanned the dark and forbidding horizon, looking for signs they were being tracked. So far, the only thing she had seen were the tiny lights blinking on the Imperial shuttles as they landed far off in the distance, where the Falcon had been originally parked.

The Princess had done her best to explain the confusing situation to the technologically challenged newcomers, even telling them about the Rebellion, the Death Star and what had happened to Alderaan, but she wasn't certain they believed her that an entire planet could be destroyed by a machine in a single heartbeat.

A loud, eerie wail sounded from the night. "What kind of creature is that, ma'am?" Curry questioned worriedly. "It sure don't sound like a wolf or a coyote."

"First thing, you have to stop calling me 'ma'am'. My name is Leia. The animal is probably a graul. Or possibly a wild kath hound. I hope they don't get our scent, or we could be in trouble."

"Is this Lord Vader considered the Law in this Empire?"

"He believes he is," Leia replied bitterly.

Heyes leaned back against a rock, considering her words. "So working against him in this rebellion makes you an outlaw?"

"Yes," Leia admitted.

"Then we have something in common," Curry joked, ignoring Heyes' nearly imperceptible shake of his head.

"Now that I've told you about me, you've got to tell me all about your life on Colorado," Leia said.

"Well, it's not 'on' Colorado, it's 'in' Colorado," Heyes said. "That's part of a country called the United States, which is on a planet we call 'Earth'. I have no idea where Earth is in relation to Dantooine, ma'am. I mean, Leia."

"We used to rob trains and banks for a living," Curry continued explaining as Heyes gave a huge sigh at Curry's admission. "That's how we came up with those names - 'Smith and Jones' - so quick-like after you asked us. But don't worry – we've given up the life of crime and we're trying to go straight."

"It sure isn't easy, though," Heyes said, deciding there was no point in trying to cover up their dubious history at this point, since Curry seemed so willing to tell Leia all the details. And if they weren't even on Earth anymore, telling her those same details they were supposed to keep a secret hardly mattered. "Because we've never killed anyone during our holdups, the Governor of Wyoming said he'd give us amnesty if we stay out of trouble, but trouble seems to find us constantly."

"I'd have to say being hunted by Darth Vader qualifies as 'trouble'," Leia agreed.

"Do you have any idea how we can get home?" Curry questioned. "Or how we can find Solo and Skywalker?"

"Not really," Leia admitted sadly. "But there is a former Jedi enclave on Dantooine. It's nothing but ruins now, but I'm hoping there might be some clue hidden in the rubble that will help us."

Curry scratched his chin. "That doesn't sound too overly hopeful."

"It's the best thing I can come up with right now," Leia said, knowing Curry was saying aloud what she was already thinking. "I'm not leaving my friends behind."

"Can't say we blame you," Heyes said.

A low growl sounded from just beyond the small ring of the campfire illumination, and several sets of yellow pupils' reflected the light of the flame.

"Oh, great," Leia said, jumping up and grabbing her blaster. "We're surrounded by kath hounds."

"I suppose that's a bad thing?" Curry moaned as he climbed to his feet, jerking Han's blaster from the holster.

"Only if they're hungry." Another howl sounded, this time from quite nearby. "They sure sound hungry."

"I don't have a weapon," Heyes pointed out, patting his shirt and pants.

Leia pulled the silver tube out from under her jacket and pushed it at the cowboy. "You can use Luke's lightsaber. Just be careful not to touch the blade or swing it in our direction. I like my head where it's located, thank you very much."

"Me, too," Curry concurred.

Swallowing down his nervousness, Heyes flicked on the glowing blue rod, which seemed to instantly cause the kath hounds to become enraged and attack.

* * *

Colorado, 1883

"Are you sure you hung that key back where it belonged?" Clem asked Luke as the three galloped along the dusty road as the nocturnal sky lightened slowly to purple in the early morning hours.

"I put it on the hook, behind the desk," Luke told her, for the fourth or fifth time. "Quit worrying."

"I'll quit worrying when Heyes and Curry are back home. Now where are they?"

"Yeah, Luke," Han said. "Explain to the nice lady where Heyes and Curry are."

Luke glared over at Han, then prodded his bay horse to pull alongside Clem's palomino mare. He noticed she was wearing dark colored pants under her long dress, which was probably a good plan considering how long they'd already been riding. "Clementine, you're not going to believe me, but here it goes. Somehow Han and I got pulled into your galaxy from a place far, far away. Where we come from ships do fly, and we travel between planets. I know that sounds hard to believe, but I'm telling you the truth."

"Prove it."

"That's sorta hard to do, since we arrived here naked as the day we were born," Han said. "Now if I had my blaster with me, you'd be plenty impressed." He glanced over at the antique slug throwers resting in the holsters that were flung over Clem's saddle horn. "You might want to consider sharing those weapons with us, Clem. I'm pretty impressive with a gun, among other things."

She smiled flirtatiously over at Han. "I'll take your word for that, but you might have to prove those 'other things' later."

"I know how I can prove we're from a different galaxy," Luke said suddenly, pulling his horse to a stop. He pointed up at a rock-strewn cliff over their heads, barely visible in the dim morning light. "Do you see that flat boulder up there? The big one, resting at an angle, on the left?"

"Yes," Clem said, tugging her horse to a halt as well.

"I think if I concentrated hard enough, I can make that boulder shift over a little bit."

"How?"

"With the Force," Luke explained. "Ben told me the Force surrounds everything, and nothing is impossible if you trust the Force."

Han groaned. "That rock is mighty big, Kid."

"And the exhaust port was mighty small," Luke argued. "I did it then, and I'm pretty sure I can do it now." Luke shut his eyes, and concentrated intently on the large rock. And concentrated, and concentrated...

"How long is this going to take?" Clem asked impatiently after long minutes of watching the rock do nothing.

"Could be days," Han told her. "Maybe even years before a big enough wind comes along to shove that rock over."

Luke opened his eyes and glared at his companions. "You're a big enough wind that you shouldn't need the Force at all to make that rock move, Han. Now be quiet, because I've got to have complete silence to concentrate."

"The Kid's getting snippy in his old age," Han whispered toward Clem.

"I can see that," Clem said.

"Quiet!" Luke shouted in exasperation.

"Well, excuse me," Clem griped. "I wasn't talking to you."

Luke tried again, his lips set in a tight line as he imagined the rock shifting... and then it shifted. Unfortunately, in causing the rock to move, smaller rocks started sliding as well, and began cascading down the face of the cliff. Then the larger rocks started sliding...

"Oh my goodness!" Clem shouted. "You've started an avalanche!"

Luke opened his eyes in time to see what he'd accomplished. "But it worked! I told you I could do it!"

"If we don't get out of the way, we're going to be crushed to death!"

"Aw, Sith-spit," Han muttered, giving his horse a hard kick in the ribs.

* * *

Dantooine

"Aieeyyyee!" Heyes screamed, swinging the strange glowing stick around in a wide arc. When it failed to connect to any of the ravenous beasts, he swung it in the opposite direction, with the same result. The beasts simply jumped away from the humming weapon, and formed a circle around the harried cowboy. "I could use some help here!" he yelled back at Curry and Leia.

"Sure thing, Heyes," Curry shouted, firing the DL-44 at the snapping, horned creatures. "Those are just about the ugliest animals I've ever seen."

"It would have to be horned kath hounds," Leia grumbled as she joined in the battle. "They're suppose to be more aggressive than the regular type hounds."

"Lucky us," Curry commented.

Leia and Curry quickly dispatched several of the kath hounds. However, more seemed to instantly appear and join their pack, snarling and snapping at the outnumbered humans.

"My blaster is starting to lose its charge," Leia informed Curry after the battle had continued for several long minutes.

He spared a glance back at the young woman. "You mean to say the fire inside this thing can die out?"

"Eventually."

"How can you tell if that's about to happen?"

"The blaster starts to tingle, as a warning," Leia explained, shooting yet another hound.

"Great. This blaster is doing that, too."

She looked over at Heyes, who was still swinging the lightsaber, although he had yet to actually singe a single hair on any of the creatures. "At least lightsabers don't need recharging very often."

"I'm sure that will come in real handy," Curry grumbled sarcastically. "Heyes is doing such an outstanding job using it."

"I'm trying!" Heyes yelled. "I'd like to see you use this thing."

"Couldn't do any worse that you," Curry shot back.

As the fight dragged on, it was looking as though the animals would soon get past their defenses by using sheer numbers

Then one of the animals suddenly let loose with a loud yelp and skittered a short distance away, where it gave howl. The rest of the pack backed up, and still snarling, turned to slink away. All became quiet - far too quiet for Leia's liking.

"Now what do you suppose made them all leave at once?" Heyes asked, lowering the lightsaber.

Leia peered nervously into the night. "About the only thing that could make them leave would be a graul. If that's the case, we're in trouble."

The three humans continued to stand back-to-back, trying to determine when and where the next threat would appear. It didn't take long.

"Humans!" Leia whispered as outlines emerged from the darkness. "It could be Imperials." As the humans stepped closer Leia was relieved to see they weren't stormtroopers, but a group of local settlers, carrying both older style blasters as well as homemade spears. "We're certainly glad to see you." Leia told the group. "You saved our lives." When the local humans remained silent, Leia stepped closer, and tried again, "Thank you for helping us by chasing off the kath hounds. My name is Leia, and this is Curry," she waved toward the Kid, "and Heyes."

An older man took a single step closer, and pointed at Heyes. "He's a Jedi."

The Princess smiled at their confusion. "No, he's not a Jedi. I can understand why you might think - ."

"Put down your lightsaber, Jedi," the man interrupted, raising his blaster and pointing it directly at Leia. The rest of the group followed his lead, pointing their weapons at Leia and Curry. "We will kill your companions if you do not obey."

"Out of the frying pan," Curry said wearily, tossing his blaster on the ground.

"He's not a Jedi," Leia insisted. "Didn't you see how terrible he was at handling that weapon?"

"Hey! I was trying!" Heyes objected.

"Put down your lightsaber," the man repeated his order. "This is the last time I'm asking nice."

Heyes turned off the weapon, and handed it over to one of the locals, who seemed rather frightened to be holding the lightsaber, since he quickly passed it over to his leader, who looked down at the weapon in his hand with disdain. "Jedi are no longer welcome on Dantooine. Where there are Jedi, evil will soon follow."

"We understand," Leia said, considering the fact that Vader was undoubtedly already on Dantooine and hot on their trail. "Two members of our party have gotten separated from us, and as soon as we locate them, we'll leave."

The man shook his head negatively. "This is not acceptable. You will come with us, and the High Priest will decide your fate."

The local humans poked their weapons in Heye's general direction. "Why are they so focused on me?" Heyes complained. "What have I done?"

"They think you're a Jedi, and it seems they don't care for Jedi," Leia explained.

"What in tarnation is a Jedi?"

"Maybe it means being a safecracker on this planet," Curry mused.

"Or their name for a gambler," Heyes conjectured. "Or possibly a gunslinger?"

"That's not what being a Jedi means," Leia interrupted. "It's someone with special powers."

"Oh, so it's like a judge or a politician," Heyes said, nodding. "Now I understand perfectly why they don't care for Jedi."

"I resent that," Leia snapped out.

"QUIET!" the group's leader roared. "Do not attempt to sidetrack us with your mystical mind tricks, Jedi," he warned them as the other men tied up all three tired travelers. "We have learned to resist having our minds altered."

"I'm needing my mind altered right about now," Curry griped. "A case of Old Jake Beam would do the trick."

"If I could do that kind of magic trick, I'd conjure up two cases, because one's not gonna be nearly enough," Heyes muttered as he was shoved forward.

* * *

Colorado, 1883

"Faster!" Clem shouted, urging her pony forward as the dust from the landslide threatened to overtake the riders. "Faster!"

"These horse things should come equipped with afterburners," Han yelled as his chestnut-colored horse galloped along. He gave a quick look over at a wide-eyed Luke. "This time, it's all your fault, Kid."

"I didn't mean for that to happen," Luke replied, coughing on the cloud of fine particles. "I was only trying to show Clem how the Force works."

"Good job."

After a few heart-pounding minutes of riding, Clem finally pulled her horse to a stop, and turned around to inspect the rock-covered trail where they'd just been moments earlier. "We're safe, for now."

"I'm really sorry, Clem," Luke said, abashed. "That wasn't supposed to happen."

Clem regarded the young man skeptically. "It may have been a mighty big coincidence, but there is no way you made those rocks fall just by thinking about it."

Luke was annoyed by her comment. "I did so cause that rock slide!"

"That's impossible," Clem argued. "Still, it was a good thing it happened, anyway."

"Why is that?" Han questioned. "We needed the adrenalin rush 'cuz our lives have gotten too dull lately?"

She pointed at the large debris pile. "All those rocks have blocked the trail, and any posse following us will have to take a big detour now. By the time they get back on this road, we'll have a huge lead on them. With any luck, they should never catch us now."

"See?" Luke added, trying not be sound smug. "You might first think that causing an avalanche is a bad thing, but the Force always knows what it's doing."

"Great," Han said. "My only question is – where are we going?"

"We're heading to Julesburg," Clem stated. "From there, we'll take the train to San Francisco." She puckered her lips in thought. "Of course, that will take us through Wyoming Territory for a bit, but hopefully no one will assume you're Heyes and Curry anymore. Unless…"

"Unless what?" Luke asked.

"Unless Wally sends a telegram to Briscoe, and he figures out we're heading north. Then Briscoe might send a telegram to the railroad detectives in Wyoming to keep a look-out for you."

"But we're NOT Heyes and Curry!" Han roared in disgust. "When are those Hutt-heads gonna figure that out?"

"When someone that knows Heyes and Curry personally says so," Clem stated. "And since I've already told Wally and Fred that you are Heyes and Curry, they're certainly not going to believe me anymore."

"Especially since you helped us escape," Luke said.

"You told me you put the keys back!"

"I did!" Luke said. "But I'm not sure if they catch you riding with us they're not going to make that connection, anyway. Is there any way we can avoid going through Wyoming?"

"We could take a stagecoach," Clem said. "Then we'd have to go through more mountains, and it would take a lot longer."

Han rubbed his eyes. "How far away is this place called San Francisco?"

Clem considered his question. "Probably about fourteen hundred miles. That's why we should go by train, because that way it will only take about ten days of traveling. Unless the train's attacked by Indians or outlaws. That always tends to slow things down for a while."

"TEN DAYS?!" Han yelled. "I can't wear these scratchy, stinky clothes for another ten days!"

"What are Indians?" Luke questioned.

"The people that lived here before the settlers arrived," Clem explained. "They didn't much appreciate having their land stolen by all these newcomers."

"I can't say that I'd blame them," Luke said. "But what happens when we get to San Francisco?"

"We'll go visit an old friend of my father's, Doctor Miguelito Loveless Junior," Clem explained. "If anyone can help you get back to this place you call Dantooine, he can." She leaned forward in her saddle and whispered, "Junior is a genius, but he can be somewhat unstable."

"What does that mean?" Han asked.

"He's a few ears shy of a full silo. But you can hardly blame the poor man. His father, bless his soul, was even more brilliant than Junior, but both men were harassed by government agents until their wagon was driven around the bend, if you get my meaning."

"Not really," Han muttered.

"So you believe us?" Luke asked, surprised. "About being from a different galaxy?"

Clem smiled coyly at the younger man. "Maybe that rock slide really did impress me, Luke."

"Ten days," Han grumbled.

Clem nudged her horse forward, and into the lead. "We should get moving. Let's not give that posse time to catch up."

Luke's horse headed after Clem's, and Han followed. A few moments later, Luke's horse raised its tail and emitted a loud, gassy expulsion.

"Oh, sure," Han gagged, covering his nose. "Now he turns on his afterburners."

* * *

Dantooine

The locals pushed their captives into a small, heavily modified Ministry-class shuttle that had seen much better days, and by late morning the group had arrived at their destination, and Curry and Heyes gazed at the ancient stone and metal compound. "What is this place?" Curry asked.

"They've brought us to the old Jedi Enclave," Leia whispered.

"Isn't that where we were heading before we were so rudely interrupted?" Heyes questioned.

"Yes."

"Nice of them to give us a free ride."

"What are you whispering about?" the leader asked, standing up from his seat. He shoved his blaster under Heyes' nose. "Are you trying to make trouble, Jedi?"

"Nope, not me. I'm the last person that would ever make trouble for anyone."

Curry gave a snort of laughter before he could stop himself, which earned him a glare from his partner.

"You won't be laughing in a few minutes," the local man stated. "Now get up and move. Our Glorious High Priest and Timeless Transferor is waiting for you."

"That's sure a big mouthful," Curry commented as they carefully picked their way down crumbled staircases, and through rust-streaked corridors. Soon, the only light source came from small glowing rods placed intermittently on the floor. The temperature became noticeably cooler, and water dripped on their heads. After nearly twenty minutes they finally entered a dimly lit, large chamber, which was nearly empty except for a single, occupied chair sitting in the center of the room. The local men forced their captives to their knees, then dropped to kneel as well.

"We have brought you the Jedi and his companions, Oh Glorious High Priest and Timeless Transferor," the group's leader called out, head bowed, his voice echoing against the high ceiling. "We believe they are being followed by the White Suits."

"Bring me the Jedi, Elder Bancus," a deep voice boomed from beneath his cowl.

Even in the nearly dark room, Leia could see the older man was actually trembling as he rose from his bent position and grabbed Heyes by the shirt, then pulled him toward their Ruler.

"Here is the Jedi's lightsaber, Master, as well as their other weapons," Elder Bancus said, passing the silver tube and the two blasters over to his Leader. "They made the claim they are searching for two missing companions."

A thick hand reached out, taking the weapons and inspected the silver hilt of the lightsaber. "Leave us."

Bancus frowned in confusion. "I do not understand, Master. Do you wish me to take the prisoners down to the dungeon?"

"They've got a dungeon?" Heyes asked in concern. "This is getting better and better. I think we got the short end of this planet exchange, Kid."

The High Priest ignored Heyes, and focused on Bancus. "Leave the prisoners, and go back topside. I will deal with them, myself."

"Yes, Master," Bancus replied, sounding relieved that he was being dismissed so quickly. "Do you wish for us to search for these companions?"

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble," the Priest said dryly.

Nodding, Bancus signaled for his men to follow, and the group quickly left the room.

Leia immediately rose to her feet. "My name is Princess Leia Organa, and I demand to know why you took us prisoners, and for what reason."

"What was that?" Curry questioned in surprise. Since he was still tied up, he climbed awkwardly to his feet as well. "You never told us you were an actual princess."

"I told you about my home planet, Alderaan," she replied.

"When you said 'my planet', we never thought you meant it literally," Curry argued.

"Can this wait?" Leia asked, exasperated. "I believe we're in the middle of something more important." She looked back at the tall man holding the lightsaber. "As I was saying, before I was interrupted, I would appreciate it if you would tell us your name, and why we've been brought here."

"It appears to me that you are in no position to ask anything, Princess," the High Priest said. "You are the ones trussed and tied, not I."

"Yeah," Heyes grumbled. "It's easy to act like the big man when you're the one holding all the cards."

Slowly, the man rose from his chair, pushing back his hood to reveal his cragged face and his light red-hued hair, streaked with gray. His jaw was covered with a long red beard, and his grey eyes were flinty and hard. He flicked on the confiscated lightsaber. "My designation is X3, and it would not be wise to defy me, Jedi."

* * *

Colorado 1883

After arriving at Julesburg, Clem took the horses to a local stable and sold them. With some of that money, they purchased three train tickets, and found out they had to wait in the local hotel for another two long days for a west-bound train to arrive. After the first day, Han found himself growing restless.

"Hey, Kid," Han said as he stretched his lanky frame across the narrow bed. "Why don't we head down to the saloon and see if we can find us some action."

Luke turned to face his friend. He'd been sitting on a hard chair, watching the steady flow of horses, wagons and people from their second floor window. "Action? With you, action usually involves the local law, and several fights. I'd rather just stay in our room and stay out of trouble."

"You're no fun at all," Han griped. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "You know where I was so late last night?"

Luke frowned at Han. Last night he'd been in his own bed for quite a few hours before Han had finally come back from wherever he'd been, flopped down in the other bed and promptly gone to sleep. "No."

"I was with Clem."

"I don't believe I'm interested in hearing anymore details."

"We weren't doing that. Well, she did kiss me, once." Han grinned at the confession. "She said I was a better kisser than either Heyes or Curry. The best kisser ever, even. So what do you think about that?"

"Information I could have gone to my grave not knowing. Or caring."

"That's beside the point, anyway," Han continued, unfazed by Luke's sarcasm. "She was teaching me how to play the local favorite card game. It's called poker, and every saloon in every town has a game going just about every night."

"More information I don't care about," Luke grumbled. "Although I can surmise where this is leading."

Han jumped off the bed. "This game is a piece of ryshcake, Kid. It's way, way easier than sabacc. The cards don't even change values during the game, if you can believe that."

"That is thrilling beyond my wildest dreams."

"After I kissed her, Clem told me I could use the money we have left from selling the horses to buy into tonight's game."

"I thought you said she kissed you," Luke pointed out.

"Oh, what does it matter who kissed who," Han said, taking out green pieces of flimsy from his pocket. "I got the money, and that's what counts." He waved the money under Luke's nose. "Care to join me for some fun?"

"Not a chance," Luke stated firmly. "And I don't think this is something you should do, either. All it's going to do is draw unwanted attention to us, and since half of Colorado thinks we're Heyes and Curry, drawing attention is not a good idea."

"You are a regular party-hard Bith," Han griped as he pulled on his boots and strapped the gun belt around his waist. "Fine, stay here and be bored. I'm going to the saloon."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Luke yelled as he watched the Corellian stomp away.

* * *

Dantooine

Leia stepped closer to the man. "X3? I believe I know your brother, X2."

"X2? X-3?" Heyes questioned. "What kind of stupid names are those?"

"I am the Son of Falon Grey, a great Jedi Knight who was murdered by my clone-brother, X1. I am the Gatekeeper to the secrets of the Enclave, and the Spiritual Leader to the Tribe of Banir."

Curry looked at his partner. "How much of that sentence made sense to you, Heyes?"

"I caught the word 'murdered', but the rest lost me."

The Princess turned excitedly toward the cowboys. "He's a clone of the Jedi Knight Grey. His brother is working for the rebellion."

"Clown?" Curry asked, confused. "Is there a circus around these parts?"

"My brother, X2, is a fool," X3 declared solemnly. "He will perish by Sword, just as my father did."

"I wasn't aware Jedi Grey had more than two clones," Leia said.

"I was the last one created, the unknown Lost clone-son. I am greatest of all my predecessors."

"Nothing wrong with his self-esteem, is there?" Heyes said.

The red-head focused his stare at Heyes. "Do you wish to fight me, Jedi?"

"Uh, no. How about a game of wild card poker, instead?"

X3 gave a derisive snort. "Pacifist. The Jedi were all pacifist fools, and that was why they were so easily defeated. It does not surprise me that you refuse to fight for your freedom. Therefore, you will suffer the fate of all Jedi fools." He pointed the tip of the lightsaber at the bound trio. "To the dungeon with all of you, then, until you grow a spine."

* * *

Colorado, 1883

Hours later, Luke heard a soft tap on his door. Walking quietly, he put his ear against the wood frame. "Yes?"

"Luke? It's Clem."

The young Jedi opened his door. "What's the matter?"

Clem smiled. "Nothing, I was just lonely. Can I come in?"

"Sure," Luke said, taking a step back to allow her to enter.

"Where's Han?" she asked, looking around the tiny room.

"He went out gambling," Luke replied with a sigh. "Thanks for showing him how to play picker."

"Poker."

"Yeah. Whatever. I'm sure he'll get into a worm-hole of trouble tonight."

"Oh, Han's a big boy," Clem said, leaning up against Luke. "He can take care of himself."

"Uh, okay." Luke tried taking a step back, only to find Clementine moving along with him. "Did you need something?"

"Yes," Clem whispered, pushing Luke backwards and sending him thudding down on the bed. She immediately sat down next to him, and flung her arms around his neck. "This." She planted her lips firmly against Luke's, kissing him deeply. She drew back, and batted her eyes at the blushing young man. "You kiss real nice, Luke. Better than Heyes or Curry, even."

"What about Han?"

"What about him?" she asked, exasperated.

"Han said you kissed him earlier, and told him that he was the best kisser you've ever had."

"I didn't know you were so competitive, Luke," Clem said with a giggle. "Okay, you're the best kisser, ever. Does that make you happy?"

"Sure," Luke said, as he suddenly remembered Leia and wondered how she would feel about both him and Han kissing Clementine. But Leia wasn't here, and Clem most certainly was. Luke leaned in closer, taking Clem into his arms…. when suddenly there was a huge commotion outside, with loud shouting and cursing.

Clem jumped off the bed and ran over to the window, pointing at two men facing each other from several yards apart. "It looks like there's going to be a gunfight."

Luke looked past Clem's shoulder, and to the scene on the dirt street below. Although he couldn't make out the faces of the men, the Force was screaming out a warning, and his heart sank. "The man with his back to us? I'm almost positive that's Han."

* * *

Dantooine

"How long are we supposed to rot in this dungeon?" Curry yelled, shaking the rusty bars in an attempt to get attention. "No food, only water! I'm starving to death!"

"It's been one day," Heyes commented, walking up to stand beside his friend. "It takes a lot longer to starve to death than a single day."

"If you would've agreed to fight X3, we wouldn't be here at all," Curry argued, glaring back at his partner.

"I'm not the fighter, you are," Heyes countered. "Besides, this really isn't the worst jail cell we've ever been locked up inside. It's got a separate room with the fanciest commode I've ever seen." He waved over at the two sets of bunk beds. "And mighty soft mattresses, too."

"I'll be sure to remind you how soft the bed was right before we die of hunger."

Leia had been sitting on one of the lower bunks, listening to the two men argue. "I'm pretty sure this wasn't a jail cell, originally. Or that this location was ever intended to be used as a real dungeon."

"What do you think it used to be?"

"My guess is that it was part of an underground dormitory area, probably for young Force-sensitive beings training as Jedi," Leia explained. "It would explain the refresher, which has obviously been restored by the locals, and I would guess that X3 is the one that instructed them to remove the original doors and put in those dura-steel bars."

"How does this Force you keep talking about work?" Curry questioned, curious.

"Well," Leia said, "I'm not sure, exactly. First you shut your eyes," and at this point she shut her eyes to demonstrate, "then concentrate on what you want to happen." She frowned as she focused on the door. Unexpectedly, the door rattled, and Leia opened her eyes, startled. "What just happened?"

"Was that your Force working?" Curry asked.

"No, no," Leia said, shaking her head. "I'm not Force-sensitive. It must have been a ground quake."

"Could be," Curry said dubiously. "But I sure didn't feel anything."

"We could use that light stick about now," Heyes said. "I'll bet it would cut right through these bars."

"Yes, it would," a deep voice said from down the dimly lit corridor. "But you are not in possession of the lightsaber. I am."

"Yeah, you have our weapons, and we're all locked up in your prison," Curry agreed as their captor approached. "Are you gonna feed us sometime?"

"My loyal servant, Seviss, will bring you food shortly," X3 replied. "Has the Jedi worked up his courage to do battle with me yet?"

"I'm NOT a Jedi," Heyes shouted in frustration. "Leia gave me the light stick to use to fight off the hounds because that was the only weapon left." He reached through the bars, trying to grab X3, but the man stood just beyond his grasp. "I'm more than willing to pound you into the dirt with my fists, though."

"Worthless threats," X3 said, sounding bored. "The fight will be a fair one, cowardly Jedi Heyes. I have my father's glorious golden lightsaber, and you will be able to fight with your inferior blue one."

Heyes rubbed his brow, frustrated. "It's not my weapon."

Leia approached the barred door and said, "If Heyes were truly a Jedi, he'd be able to open this door by using the Force. The weapon belongs to Luke Skywalker. His father was considered one of the most powerful of the Jedi Knights, before he was murdered by Darth Vader."

"NO!" X3 shouted, his eyes wild with sudden rage. "MY father was the greatest! No one can come close to Falon Grey! He survived Order 66, and how many Jedi were able to do that, I ask you? HE WAS THE GREATEST! Do you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME!?"

By this time, the three prisoners had backed away from the bars. "Loud and clear," Curry muttered. As the robed man spun on his toe and stomped off, Curry yelled after him, "This hasn't made you change your mind about feeding us, has it?"

"The man is demented," Heyes said in concern. "I don't think he intends to let us ever leave."

"I agree," Leia said. "So we need to come up with a really good escape plan."

Heyes nodded eagerly. "Escapes are my specialty."

"I thought safecracking was your specialty," Leia said.

"One you break into, the other you break out of, so it's close enough."

"Go and plan away," Curry said unhappily. "I'll just sit over in the corner and think about how good a big juicy steak would taste."

* * *

Colorado, 1883

"Han's going to get himself killed!" Clem told Luke, tugging on his hand.

"I just knew he'd get himself into trouble if he went down to that saloon to gamble." Luke glared at Clem. "Why did you have to give him money? Han, plus money and gambling is never a good combination."

"He kissed good," Clem replied blithely. "I can never seem to say 'no' to a good kisser."

"I'll try to remember that," Luke said dryly. He focused his attention back to the street, and watched as both Han and his unknown opponent stared at each other.

"We need to hurry down there, and stop that fight," Clem said.

"We'll never make it in time," Luke said, unable to take his eyes off the crowd of bystanders that had gathered on the wooden sidewalks.

"We should yell down at him not to do it."

"All that would accomplish is -."

Luke got no further, as Clem yelled loudly out of the window, "HAN! STOP!"

Han turned to look up, and his opponent took that opportunity to draw. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Han twisted his body, drawing his own gun and firing it in one fluid action. The other man fired almost at the same instant.

" - distracting him," Luke finished. For a few seconds, Luke wasn't certain if either man had hit their mark. Then Han's opponent dropped his gun and clutched his side, staggering a bit before falling down.

"Han won!" Clem said happily. No sooner had the words left her mouth than the Corellian dropped to his knees, holding his left arm. "Oh, no… he's hurt." Clem turned and rushed out of the hotel room, not waiting to see if Luke was following.

They both arrived on the street at the same time the local Sheriff, a big man named Pike, was walking casually up to Han, who had gotten back to his feet, but was still clutching his bicep. "What just happened here?" he asked, sounding bored.

"That man over there," Han said, nodding in the direction of his opponent, "accused me of cheating at five card stud, just because I was winning. Claimed I had an ace up my sleeve, which I didn't."

"So you up an' shot him?"

Han shook his head negatively. "He drew his gun inside the bar and threatened me! The bartender told us we had to take the fight outside, since he didn't like blood spilled all over his establishment. I tried to get Clanton to cool off, but he wouldn't back down. I swear I didn't have a choice in the matter."

"Clanton you say?" Pike questioned. "Ike Clanton?"

"Yeah, I believe that's what he said his first name was."

The Sheriff picked up his ten-gallon hat and scratched the top of his balding head. "Clanton's got a mean temper when he's been drinkin'." He glanced over at the small crowd gathered around Clanton as they helped the burly man to his feet. "It sure don't look like you gone and finished him off though, and that may come back and bite you like a mangy old dog, later on. What's your name, son?"

"Han Solo."

"Mighty odd name, but I suppose it ain't your fault that your parents had a funny sense of humor."

"No, I suppose not."

Clem pushed her way through the crowd, and threw her arms around the Corellian. "Han, my darling! You've been hurt."

"The slug just grazed me," Han said, then glared pointedly at Clem. "I could have won hands down if someone wouldn't have screamed at me right before the draw."

"Is this man your husband?" Pike asked Clem.

Clem smiled sweetly at the Sheriff. "He's my fiancé. We're heading to San Francisco to get married."

Luke came over and looked at Pike. "Is my friend in trouble with the law?"

"Now who would you be?" Pike questioned with a sigh. "Ever since that train track got laid, all we get through these parts are those soft eastern boys that think they want to play at being a cowboy."

"This is my brother, Luke," Clem said, quickly moving to Luke's side. "He's my chaperone."

"I'm glad to hear that," Pike said, nodding in approval. "Women don't need to be traveling through the west with men they ain't married to, even if they are intended."

"Oh, I agree," Clem cooed.

Pike regarded Luke for a moment before saying, "You take your future brother-in-law to the doc, and get that arm checked, although you might want to wait until Doc's through pullin' the bullet from ornery Clanton, first." He started to move away, then turned back to the trio. "You're takin' tomorrow's train?"

"Yes, sir," Clem replied. "Bright and early."

"Good. I don't need any more trouble in my town. Don't let your man near the saloon again before you take your leave, young lady."

"Oh, no problem!" Clem said, waving goodbye to the Sheriff.

Han looked at Clem. "Fiancé?"

"I don't know why I said that."

"At least you didn't get stuck in the role of brother," Luke grumbled in disgust. "And she comes up with this scenario right after we kissed, too."

"You were kissing your sister?" Han asked, feigning shock. "That's disgusting!"

"No more disgusting than the idea that you could ever become my brother-in-law," Luke shot back.

Clem looped one arm through Luke's, and the other through Han's uninjured arm as she ushered them back to the hotel. "Let's not fight, boys. We've got a long trip ahead of us, and we need to get along."

"One day down, nine to go," Han muttered as he allowed himself to be led from the street.

* * *

Dantooine

The Dantari native, a big burly humanoid who resembled strange cross between Human and Wookiee, came loping over to the jail cell, and carefully placed a large tray on the floor. He pointed at the object with a large, hairy index finger. "Food. Eat."

"Thank you," Leia said politely, noting that Heyes and Curry had backed away from this bizarre looking newcomer. She briefly wondered how they would have reacted to seeing Chewbacca. Leia bent over and pulled the tray through the narrow opening at the bottom of the door. "We truly appreciate the meal, Seviss."

Seviss seemed surprised at Leia's kind words. "Welcome." He turned and shuffled off, giving a quick glance back at the prisoners.

"That man is even scarier than X3," Curry commented as he gratefully stuffed the dull-tasting but stomach-filling food into his mouth.

Leia pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I'm not so sure. He may be our way out of here."

"What makes you think that?" Heyes asked.

"It's just a feeling," Leia said, her voice taking on a far-away tone. "Call it woman's intuition."

* * *

Colorado, 1883

It was through good fortune that not only was the train on time, but Ike Clanton was still in the infirmary because he was still weak from blood loss. The hotel clerk was only too eager to see his three guests check out, mentioning the fact Ike Clanton had survived a huge showdown at a place called 'Tombstone' and he'd heard rumors that Ike's nasty brother, Phin Clanton, and his equally venomous friend, Pony Diehl, were on their way to Julesburg, to 'take care of the varmint that had shot poor old Ike'.

Han, his arm in a sling, and Luke kept a sharp lookout as the trio hurriedly made their way from the hotel to the station. Luke was very relieved when the train finally pulled out of town, and left the trouble behind.

"How will we know when we cross over into Wyoming?" Luke questioned, still concerned that they might be mistaken for Heyes and Curry.

"How would I know?" Clem replied blithely as she sat facing Luke, with Han next to the window. "It's not like there's a big ol' sign saying, 'Welcome to Wyoming' next to the tracks." Seeing Luke's crestfallen expression, she patted his wrist in a conciliatory gesture. "The first stop in Wyoming is a town called Cheyenne. It's not too likely Briscoe's employees will be waiting for us at the first stop." She glared pointedly over at Han. "It's more likely, however, that Clanton's friends are going to be hot on our heels, though."

"Thanks a lot, Han," Luke added sarcastically. "We needed more angry men following us, and wanting to shoot us dead."

"You're welcome," Han mumbled, staring out of the window.

"What's the matter?" Clem asked Han. "Does your arm hurt?"

"No, it's fine," Han replied. "I'm just thinking that we're stuck on this train for another eight days, and I'm gonna go crazy with nothing to do. I wonder if there's a poker game onboard."

"NO!" Luke shouted, appalled that Han would dare mention poker after last night's disaster. "No more poker! Do you understand me? NO MORE POKER! We're staying out of trouble on this trip."

"There'll be plenty of opportunity to get into trouble in San Francisco," Clem informed them, trying to ignore the stares of the other passengers. "The town is known for its high stakes gambling establishments and houses of ill repute."

"What's a house of ill repute?" Luke questioned.

Clem leaned forward, indicating Luke should lean forward as well. Then she whispered in the younger man's ear, and was amused to see Luke flush red as he mumbled, "Oh."

Han sighed, then asked, "What about these locals that you call Indians causing us trouble?"

"Oh, that's not too likely," Clem said. "Most of the problems occurred twenty years ago, and the Indians have pretty much given up. It's only the occasional rogue gang of either Cheyenne or Sioux that causes the most trouble now."

"That's good to know," Luke commented.

"What am I supposed to do for this entire trip if I can't gamble?" Han complained.

"Look out of the window and watch the scenery," Luke informed him. "It's very pretty."

Han rolled his eyes.

* * *

Dantooine

Two days later, Seviss stopped at their prison door, putting down yet another tray. He'd been given instructions to feed the prisoners once a day, and he was very good at obeying the orders of his Master, X3.

"Master want to know if Jedi ready to fight yet?"

"I'm NOT A JEDI!" Heyes yelled, causing the Dantari to back away from the cell in concern.

"Seviss just asking," he whispered, blinking back tears.

"That's alright, Seviss," Leia said soothingly. "Heyes didn't mean to yell at you. Our nerves are just frayed. It's boring sitting here all day, with nothing to do."

"Seviss not bored," the man said, giving her a toothless grin. "Seviss play sabacc."

"You know how to play sabacc?" Leia asked, surprised.

"Master X3 teach me," Seviss bragged, nodding eagerly. "But he not want to play much. So Seviss play all by himself. Seviss sit at a table, and put all cards face down. Then Seviss look at one hand, then get up and go to next chair and look at next hand…"

Heyes' scratched his head in confusion. "You play this game with yourself?"

Seviss nodded happily. "Seviss never lose game against Seviss."

"I'll bet not."

"I know how to play sabacc, Leia told the men. "Solo taught me, and he even admitted that I was pretty good at it. In fact, if you can bring your cards next time, we can teach Heyes and Curry how to play, too."

The native jumped up and down in excitement. "Seviss have cards right here." He reached under his tunic and pulled out a ragged stack of cards. "We play now." He sat down outside the cell door and began shuffling the deck.

Leia smiled and sat across from him, waving at Heyes and Curry to follow her lead. Reluctantly, both men sat on the floor and took the cards that Seviss handed them through the bars, and tried to pay close attention to the constant flow of complicated instructions that both the Princess and the Dantari provided.

* * *

Wyoming, 1883

They made it safely through Cheyenne without getting waylaid by either Clanton's gang or a Bannerman detective.

As train chugged slowly through Wyoming territory, it came to a lurching halt halfway between Laramie and Rock Springs, nearly sending Luke careening out of his seat. Han had been sound asleep, his head tilted back and snoring, while Clem had gone to the dining car for a snack. The Corellian woke with a start, blinking his eyes against the sunlight streaming through the window. "Now what?"

"We've come to a stop."

Han raised his eyebrow. "No kidding."

Several men came rushing past, guns drawn, eyes wide. "What's happening?" Luke said, grabbing one of the men by the arm.

"Indians! They blocked the tracks with rocks!" The frightened man shook off Luke's grasp, and hurried away.

"I thought Clem said this probably wouldn't happen," Han moaned.

"The key word is 'probably'," Luke replied. "We should see if we can help."

"Help? How can we help? We don't know a darn thing about Indians, and from what I've heard it sounds like they've got a legitimate gripe. I'd rather just stay out of it."

Luke stood up, his face incredulous. "What? You've been complaining non-stop about being bored for two days. Now something is finally happening, and you want to stay out of it?!"

"I have not been complaining non-stop," Han argued. "There've been plenty of hours I've been sleeping, instead. I can't complain when I'm asleep, unless I talk in my sleep." Han frowned in sudden concern. "I don't talk in my sleep, do I?"

Luke gave an exasperated hiss. "If we don't interfere, innocent people could get hurt."

"If we interfere, we could get hurt."

"Fine," Luke said in disgust. "You sit here and be safe, and I'll go help."

Han sighed and stood up. "What's with you, Kid? Do you always have to play the Jedi game, no matter what?"

"It's not a game," Luke replied, noticing that Han was following behind as he headed toward the front of the train. "It's what I am."

"And what does that make me?" Han grumbled.

"The Jedi sidekick," Luke replied, trying not to laugh.

"Not a chance," Han muttered in disgust. "Sidekicks are funny-looking."

Luke's retort was cut short as both men arrived near the front of the train, taking in the situation. All the men on the train were pointing their guns out of windows, and the Indians were sitting on their horses, just out of the range of the bullets. "What are they waiting for?" Luke questioned.

The nearest man gave Luke a brief glance, then said, "They're waiting for some of us to get out of the train to remove the rocks those savages have put on the tracks. Then they'll attack."

"Maybe someone should go talk to them, and try to diffuse the situation."

Another older man gave a snort of laughter. "Outside with them redskins? What are you, Greenhorn? A politician?"

"If he is, then I say send him out," the first man said. "One less politician will be a blessing."

"No, I'm serious," Luke insisted. "Sometimes it takes an outsider to see both sides, and help everyone reach a fair and equitable settlement."

"How much do you like your scalp, boy?" the older man asked. "If you're not feeling too attached to it, then go ahead and give it a try. Oh, and take the rocks off the tracks on your way back, if it's not too much trouble."

Luke nodded. "Okay, it's a deal. Come on, Han. Let's go have a talk with these Indians."

Han's eyes bugged out. "Are you joking, Kid?" He waved at the window. "Those guys have guns, too, in case you haven't noticed."

"I've noticed," Luke said calmly as he headed toward the exit. "They won't use them."

"How can you be so sure of that?" Han asked, following his crazy friend.

Luke stopped and turned to Han and smiled. "The Force."

"Of course," Han grumbled, hitting his own forehead with the palm of his hand.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyes learns how to play sabacc. Back on Earth, Luke learns what Rocky Mountain oysters are.

Clem arrived just as Han and Luke were about to step off the train, waving at them to stop. "What do you think you're doing?"

"We're going to try and reason with the Indians."

"Are you two crazy?"

Han jerked his thumb toward Luke. "He's the brains, sweetheart."

"I'm not crazy," Luke insisted. He took off his gun belt and handed it to Clem. "Give Clem your belt, too, Han."

"You want me to go out there with no protection?" Han asked, shocked.

"We have to show them we're coming out in good faith."

"We're gonna lose our heads," Han grumbled.

"No, probably just your scalps," Clem said, shaking her head in dismay. "Can I talk you out of this foolhardy venture?"

"You sure can talk me out of it," Han said, nodding eagerly.

"I was serious when I said you could stay here where it's safe," Luke grumbled as he climbed down the metal steps. He paused at the bottom, and looked up at Clem. "Do they speak Basic?"

"Basic?" Clem asked, confused.

"Our language," Luke clarified.

"Well, some of them do," Clem said, uncertainly. "Someone told me you have to greet them by saying 'how'."

"Why?" Han asked, frowning.

"No, not 'why', 'how.'"

Han tried again. "Why 'how'?

Clem clicked her tongue in exasperation. "HOW! Not WHY!"

"We don't have time for this," Luke said. "Take care of yourself, Han. If I don't make it back to Dantooine, take care of the Princess. I think she likes you, for some strange reason."

Han groaned, took off his belt and shoved it at Clem, then followed his friend. "Someday you're gonna be the death of me, Kid. I just hope I'm not around to see it."

Luke and Han approached the group of ten natives as they sat on horseback, observing their long hair entwined with feathers, and their muscular, painted torsos and faces. "Greetings!" Luke shouted. "We come forward in peace."

"Their skin isn't red, unless you count the color of the paint decorations," Han commented under his breath. "I wonder what that guy on the train was talking about."

One of the Indians rode forward on his spotted horse, stopping a short distance from the men. "White men must be very brave, or very foolish," the tanned man spoke calmly.

Han looked at the back of his hand. "White? I'm not white."

"My name is Luke Skywalker, and this is my friend, Han Solo, Captain of the starship Millennium Falcon."

"Your name is most interesting, Loo, Walker of the Sky," the man said. He looked at Han, seemingly impressed. "You command a falcon?"

"Yeah, it's my ship," Han bragged. "Big , silver and powerful. She can make the Kessel Run in under twelve parsecs."

"Let me do the talking," Luke ordered Han, seeing the native man's confused expression.

"My name is Grey Wolf, the only one of my group that speaks your language," the Indian said. "Why do you come out to us, and not carry weapons? We could destroy you in seconds, as you have destroyed my people."

"Actually, we understand you very well," Luke answered, somewhat relived the man was talking to them instead of commanding his group to kill them. "Han and I aren't actually from this galaxy." Luke pointed to the sky. "We're from the stars, and we've been brought here by mistake. We are trying to find our way back to the right star."

Grey Wolf nodded. "My people speak of star travelers. Stories of your kind have been told by our ancestors through many generations, and it was told that star travelers had great wisdom and someday would return to this world, so I will listen to your words."

"You believe us?"

"Yes. Englishmen would never have the bravery to face us on our terms. Have you come to help my people reclaim our land? If you travel the stars, you must have the power to drive them back across the big water in the east."

"No, Grey Wolf," Luke said sadly. "We can't do that. Even if we did, it wouldn't work for very long. Already I can see your planet is starting down the road to technological progress. Soon it will be possible to travel across the oceans and the continents in hours, rather than days or weeks. And the population of all people on your planet will continue to grow. Even if you drive the Englishmen back, others, from other faraway lands, will come and fill your land with their children, anyway."

"So my people are doomed, and soon we will fade away, as the buffalo have been destroyed and faded from the plains."

"The Force is telling me otherwise," Luke responded. "Somehow you will survive, and your great-grandchildren will know your name, and their heritage."

"How is that possible? More and more come from across the land, building more villages and putting down more of those noisy things they call 'trains', and bring death and wars along with their strange ways. That is why we continue to fight against the tide, and try to drive them out."

Han frowned. "Did all you different Indian groups get along with each other before the Englishmen got here?"

This question made Grey Wolf pause. "No, we fought."

"Yeah, not surprising. It's human nature to want more and more, even when there's enough for everyone in the first place.

"To give up is cowardly, and Grey Wolf and his tribe are not cowards," Grey Wolf said.

"No, you're not," Luke agreed. "We understand more than you think. Han and I are involved with fighting a war in the galaxy we come from."

"And are you winning this war?"

"Uh, no," Luke said. "But even if the rebellion fails, someone will eventually come along to take Palpatine's place when he dies. Maybe then justice will be served for all the non-humans, if not in my lifetime, then perhaps in the next decade, or the next."

"So we must wait for generations for our justice?"

"Perhaps," Luke admitted, reluctantly. "I wish I could be more specific, but I know I'm telling you the truth."

"Hey, Grey," Han said suddenly. "Get off your horse, and come take a little walk with me. I'm gonna tell you a big secret about how your people can come out on top in this situation."

"Han," Luke said worriedly as he watched Grey Wolf dismount. "I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Trust me," Han said cheerfully. "Just wait here and let me handle the finer details of the deal." He walked up confidently to Grey Wolf, and both men walked off together, stopping several hundred yards away.

Luke could see Han animatedly waving his arms and pointing off toward the endless plains in the east, and Grey Wolf nodding as Han continued to talk. After about twenty minutes, both men walked back toward Luke, and Grey Wolf gave Han a hard slap on his back.

"Thank you. I understand your advice, and will take it back to my village, and spread the word to other tribes. You are truly a Wise One, Han of the Silver Falcon."

Luke gave a dubious glance over at his smug friend. "Can our train continue its journey, Grey Wolf?"

"You may continue," he said, pulling himself up on the pinto. "We will not stop the white men's trains again." He gave a quick nod toward the men, then galloped off toward his group, and then they all turned and faded over the horizon.

Luke and Han turned to head back to the train. "Okay. What great secret did you tell Grey Wolf."

"I just told him how he could beat the Englishmen at their own game," Han said, grinning. "Even out the odds, so to speak."

"And just how do they do that?"

"One word, Kid. Casinos."

* * *

Dantooine

"Seviss think Heyes very good at sabacc," Seviss informed the dark-haired man. "Too bad you can't beat Seviss, though."

Heyes and Leia exchanged knowing looks as they sat, cross-legged, on the floor next to the door. Seviss had a very low self-esteem, and allowing him to continue to win, long after Heyes understood and mastered the game, drew the native closer to them.

"Why hasn't X3 come around here lately?" Curry questioned, leaning his back against the bed, and unfolding his cramped legs.

"Master wait until Heyes ready to fight."

"I have a better idea, Seviss," Heyes said, looking down the dark corridor. "Will you give X3 a message for me?"

"Sure."

"Tell your Master I want to play a game of sabacc with him," Heyes said. "If he wins, then I'll fight him with a lightsaber. But if he loses, he's got to let us go."

"Master not lose," Seviss said with a furrowed brow. "Master always win against Seviss. Always. And Heyes not yet beat Seviss."

"Then he should be very happy to take me up on my offer," Heyes said. "He gets his fight, and all he has to do is humiliate me first in a card game."

"Seviss tell Master."

Heyes nodded as he passed the cards back to the hairy, child-like man. "You do that, friend."

After a short wait, Seviss returned, grinning widely. "Master X3 agree to play sabacc with Jedi Heyes. Master say Jedi will lose."

"The game or the lightsaber fight?" Curry asked.

"Both," Seviss said, "Now I take you to Master X3. You not live to see your friends again, Jedi Heyes. Say goodbye."

Heyes gave a half-hearted smile, and shook Curry's hand. "If I don't come back, take care of the Princess for me."

"I'll do that," Curry said solemnly, clasping Heyes' shoulder.

The man turned to Leia. "It's been a very interesting experience, Leia."

"I wish you wouldn't talk like you're going to lose," Leia said.

"Can I have a kiss for good luck?"

Leia smiled, thinking back to her daring escape on the Death Star. It had worked then, so why shouldn't she try it again. "I can't see why not."

Heyes took Leia into his arms, and gave her a long, lingering kiss. Then he drew back. "Thanks, Leia."

"You're welcome," Leia said, rather breathless.

Seviss waved Leia and Curry to step back, and opened to the cell to allow Heyes to leave, then slammed the heavy dura-steel door back and locked it. "We go have fun now," he said, ushering the concerned cowboy down the corridor.

"Poor Heyes," Leia said. "I hope he's as good a gambler as he claims to be."

Curry sat down on a bunk, and gave a side-ways glance at the Princess, thinking about the kiss. _Poor Heyes, my backside._

* * *

Hours later, Heyes laid down his final hand, grinning. "Pure sabacc!" The game had been a close one, mainly due to the fact that Heyes was still having a hard time remembering all the rules. And the fact the cards could change value had a tendency to catch him off-guard - it wasn't natural. But in the end he had won, with his inborn talent guiding the way.

His opponent, X3 jumped off the chair, and pointed his index finger at Heyes. "You must be cheating! I _never_ lose at sabacc!"

"That is true Master never lose," Seviss said, then he shook his head. "But I not see Jedi Heyes cheat."

"What do you know, you dim fool?" X3 roared at his servant. "If you had any independent thoughts, or a spine, you would probably help him cheat, just to get back at me. I'll have you know that Imperials are scouring the area right now, and if they find that you're protecting a Jedi, you'll be killed."

"Seviss scared of Imperials," the big native whimpered. "Please don't let bad Imperials hurt Seviss."

"I will never allow that, if you obey me."

"You said if I won, you'd set us free," Heyes informed X3.

"I lied," X3 stated, folding his arms across his chest and daring Heyes to dispute him.

"That's not fair," Heyes objected, standing and glaring at the imposing man. "You promised!"

"Promises are only empty words, echoing endlessly through the trajectory of time and space, only to curl around inside a black hole and dissipate. Are you angry, Jedi?"

"Yes!"

"Good," X3 said, pleased. "Then you'll fight me?"

"That wasn't the deal, and for the millionth time, I'm not a Jedi." Heyes sighed and then mumbled, "It's too bad you're not a fast draw, because Kid Curry would be more than willing to take up that kind of a challenge."

X3 considered this option. "Curry is a fast draw? With blasters?"

"I'm sure the Kid prefers his regular gun, but if I can adapt from poker to sabacc, he could adapt from guns to blasters. Not that any of this matters, since you're not willing to give the Kid a blaster, right?"

"I accept this alternate challenge," X3 decreed. "Curry shall die."

"Uh, no," Heyes said, trying to backtrack. "That's not what I meant, really. I was only speculating.."

"I will have Seviss bring all of you to the main chamber room. There you will witness my amazing lightning fast draw, and I shall use my father's glorious golden blaster."

"I thought your father had a glorious golden lightsaber?" Heyes asked.

"Everything my father owned was glorious and golden," X3 declared. "Now Seviss will take you back to your dungeon and you may inform your hapless padawan of his upcoming demise, which is coming at your direction."

"I really didn't mean for you to take me seriously," Heyes said. "Curry won't want to fight you."

"Too bad. The Jedi should consider the consequences to their words before speaking next time."

* * *

Utah Territory, 1883

The town of Ogden, Utah sat nestled in a flat, hot valley, surrounded by the red rock canyons of the Rocky Mountains. With a population of little over six thousand, it was a fairly large settlement, having more than doubled in size from a decade earlier. It was also the quite close to Promontory Summit, where the symbolic last spike was placed which connected the railroads from west to east.

The train made a scheduled stop at Ogden, needing to reload the coal car, restock food supplies, and change conductors. So the passengers had several hours to disembark and stretch their legs, as well. Getting off the train was a huge relief, and Clem, Luke and Han took the opportunity to walk around the town.

"Look," Clem pointed out. "That hotel has a nice restaurant. I sure could use a break from eating in the dining car."

"I agree," Han said. "All that swaying back and forth, and back and forth, makes me want to hurl."

"On that appetizing note, let's go eat," Luke said, holding the door open for Clem.

Clem gave a coy smile at Luke as she walked into the building. "Thank you, Luke. You're such a gentleman."

"How chivalrous of you," Han grumbled as Luke entered after Clem, forcing Han to stop the door from slamming him in the face. Luke had been in somewhat dour mood ever since Clem had declared he had to publicly pretend to be her brother. Of course, the Indian incident in Wyoming hadn't helped matters, since all the passengers assumed it was Han confronting Grey Wolf that had forced the Indians to leave. Not that he'd done anything to dissuade their adulation. Having men give him free drinks and women fawning over his bravery had helped pass the time. Han decided if Luke refused to see it that way, then it was too bad for Luke.

Han sat down while Luke pulled a chair out for Clem, then took his own seat. Opening the small menu, they inspected the offerings.

"What's a roasted quail?" Luke questioned.

"It's a bird," Clem replied. "Minus the feathers."

"What are oysters?"

Clem gave Luke an odd look. "They're a type of mollusk that lives in water. They have hard, outer shells, and a soft, gray formless body that people eat."

"So it's a type of seafood?"

"I suppose."

"Fried elk in onions and boiled potatoes with butter," Han read from the menu. "Elk are those big animals with horns we've seen out of the train window? That's what I'm having."

A young woman arrived, holding a piece of flimsy and a thin writing instrument. "Have you decided?"

"Yes, I will have the roasted quail," Clem replied. "My fiancé has decided on the fried elk."

Han leaned back in his seat, patting his stomach. "A real man's type of meal."

Luke glared at Han. "Well, I guess I'm going to order something regional, too. We're in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, right Clem?"

"The last I heard."

"So," Luke said, pointing at the menu. "I'm going to have these deep fried Rocky Mountain oysters."

"Thank you," the waitress replied, writing it down and walking away.

After she was gone, Luke asked, "I wonder where they get oysters so far away from the sea."

"Maybe that big, nearby salt lake that's south of this town has them," Han surmised. He looked at Clem, who was biting her lower lip. "What do you think, Clem?"

"I think I need to freshen up," Clem said, jumping out of her seat. "I'll be right back, boys."

"What was that all about?" Luke asked, watching her hurry off.

"Women," Han grumbled. "I'll never understand them. Clem is every bit as confusing as the Princess."

"Speaking of which," Luke said. "I wonder how Leia's getting along with the cowboys. I hope they're not taking advantage of her."

Han's face darkened at the thought. "They'd better not take advantage of her. I'll hunt them down and have Chewie rip their arms off."

"How chivalrous of you," Luke said, smirking.

Clem got back to the table at the same time the waitress brought out heaping platters of steaming food. Both Clem and Han eagerly dove into their meals, but Luke hesitated, poking at the crunchy objects. "This doesn't look very much like seafood."

"That's because it's got some type of coating," Han said. "Don't complain. This elk is so old and tough it probably had great-grand elks running around."

Luke put a piece in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "It sure doesn't taste like seafood, either."

"Does it taste manly?" Clem asked innocently,

"Manly?"

"Stout. Masculine."

"It's got a strange texture," Luke described, smacking his lips. "Like nothing I've ever tasted before."

A high, falsetto voice spoke up from behind Luke's shoulder. "I, Edward P. Mullins, as a duly appointed representative of the George Bannerman Detective Agency, supervised by Harry Briscoe, and as authorized by the Union Pacific Railroad, do hereby place under lawful arrest one Mr. Hannibal Heyes, alias Joshua Smith, alias Han Solo, and one, Mr. Jedidiah Curry, alias 'Kid' Curry, alias Thaddeus Jones, alias Luke Skywalker, for train robbery in the territory of Wyoming, and I also arrest one Miss Clementine Hale, alias - uh, no alias for her - for aiding and abetting the escape of said train robbers from lawful confinement in Julesburg, Colorado." The short, balding man pushed up his round spectacles, which gave him the appearance of a timid owl. He frowned, then belatedly pulled out a small handgun, which he pointed nervously at Luke. "Does anyone here object? Speak now, or forever hold your peace."

"Aren't you a bit mixed up?" Clem asked.

"No, I'm pretty sure you're the people I'm looking for. Briscoe sent me a telegram and said I should keep a sharp eye out for you."

"I was talking about the wedding vow at the end," Clem clarified.

"Wedding vows?!" Mullins repeated. "I'm not authorized to conduct a marriage ceremony, Miss Hale. Although I did hear a rumor that you and Heyes were engaged. Or are you engaged to Curry? I wasn't too clear about that."

Han stood up, and walked up to Mullins, glaring down at the much shorter man. "I object."

"I…I'm not sure you can do that," Mullins stuttered out.

"Then why did you ask?" Han roared, drawing out his own gun and shoving it under the man's nose.

Luke stood up, and calmly said, "You don't want to arrest us."

"I don't?"

"No. We're the wrong people. Move along, move along."

"You're the wrong people," Mullins said. "I'd better move along." Eyes glazed, he shuffled toward the door.

"How did you do that?" Clem asked, impressed.

"The Force," Luke said. "It can influence the weak-minded, but that's the first time I've ever actually tried using it like that."

Clem stood up and kissed Luke's cheek. "Thank you."

"We'd better get back to the train," Han grumbled, glaring at Luke for recapturing Clem's affections. "I wouldn't want to miss our ride, and Mullins might come back with reinforcements."

"What about the rest of our food?" Luke asked, waving at the mostly uneaten meals.

"Do you want to know what you were really eating?" Clem asked. She stood on her toes and whispered an explanation into Luke's ear.

"No," Luke gasped, eyes wide.

"Yes," Clem said, nodding.

Luke gave a hard swallow as he looked down at his plate of food. "Never mind. I'm not hungry anymore."

* * *

Dantooine

"You did what!?" Curry yelled as Heyes informed him of the latest development with X3. "I'd like to kill you myself."

Heyes backed away, holding up his hands in a defensive gesture. "How would I know he'd take me seriously?"

"If we agree to his terms, then at least we'll be out of our prison cell, and you'll have a weapon," Leia pointed out to Curry. "It would be an improvement over our current situation."

"Maybe for you," Curry shot back. "I'll be the one getting blasted."

"You can outdraw him," Heyes said encouragingly. "You're the fastest gunslinger alive."

"Maybe on our planet," Curry grumbled. "I'm not so sure about here. Besides, I don't trust the guy to not pull something fishy. He didn't exactly keep his word and let us go free after you won the card game."

Seviss had been quietly listening to this exchange outside the cell door. "Seviss afraid Curry right. Master not like to lose."

The Princess walked up to the bars, and looked imploringly at Seviss. "We need your help, Seviss."

"Seviss not understand."

"You have to let us go free," Leia said. "Please? You're our only hope."

"Master not be happy with Seviss then."

"Would you rather X3 kill us?" Leia questioned. "He doesn't intend to ever give us our freedom. I think his intentions are to use us as a bargaining chip if Darth Vader tracks us to this compound." When Seviss looked at the floor, Leia continued to press, "Somewhere in this compound is the answer for my friends to return home. You could help us, if you wanted to. And we could help you, too, Seviss. We'll keep you safe from Vader, and I'll make certain you never have to return to work as X3's servant again." Leia wasn't sure she could actually fulfill these promises, but she would make every effort to hold up her end of any bargain.

"Seviss know where Jedi passageways are," the Dantari mumbled. He looked up at Leia and whispered, "Master scared to go there. Master scared of Jedi, like Seviss scared of Master."

"I know." Leia could see how very close he was to agreeing to help them. "What do you say?"

The Dantari shook his head. "No. No. You go to main chamber room. Master want to fight Curry. Curry must fight." He opened the cell door and pointed his weapon at the trio. "Come now. Master waiting."

Curry sighed and headed out of the door, followed by Heyes. "Nice try, Princess."

Frustrated, Leia walked out of the cell. _At least Solo isn't here to mock me for failing,_ she thought glumly.

* * *

Utah Territory, 1883

The train made it around the northern bend of the Great Salt Lake, and both Luke and Han were finally starting to relax from their run-in with the Bannerman detective when Luke felt a sharp poke on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw a very red-faced Edward P. Mullins staring down at him, and pointing the little gun at his face. "Uh, Han? Clem?"

Han turned in his seat, and gave a groan. "Oh, for star's sake. Maybe the little guy is hungry, Kid. Feed him your leftover oysters, and he'll go away happy."

"How did you do that?" Mullins demanded in his annoyingly squeaky voice. "You put some Indian spell on me, didn't you? Or maybe a voodoo-type curse. That's it. You practice voodoo. That's against the law in these parts."

Luke honestly had no idea what the man was babbling about voodoo, but he decided to play along with him. He glanced around the car, and was relieved to see only two other passengers sitting in the back, and both appeared to be asleep. The less witnesses, the better. "Okay. So if I put a spell on you, why did you follow us?"

"It's my job!" Mullins shrilled, stomping his foot. "I put you under arrest! The spell wore off, I got myself a train ticket, and now I'm putting you under arrest again. This time you'd better listen to me, or else."

"Or else, what?" Han asked, curious.

"Or, or… you'll be sorry."

"Too late," Han said. "That train left the station a long time ago, pal."

Clem patted the empty seat next to her. "Sit down and tell us your problems."

"I…I …" he stuttered out. "YOU'RE my problem! Prisoners aren't supposed to ignore me."

"Since we're not your prisoners, then that makes it alright if we ignore you," Han said.

"You are so my prisoners," Mullins objected, plopping down on the seat next to Clem and turning his gun toward Han. "As soon as this train makes its next stop, we're all getting off and heading right back to Wyoming."

"The next stop isn't until tomorrow, and it's all the way to Elko, Nevada," Clem informed the nervous man. "That's pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What do you mean?"

Clem leaned closer to the Mullins. "Taking three desperate, dangerous prisoners back across the mountains and deserts of Nevada and Utah, all by yourself?"

"Especially considering we already escaped from that really fine jail, way back in..." Han paused and looked at Clem. "What was the name of that town, again?"

"Booneville."

"Oh, yeah. Booneville. That deputy was really sharp, too. If we outsmarted him, what makes you think we can't outsmart you?"

"I could shoot you first and take you back to Wyoming, deader than a doornail. The reward says dead or alive. You can't escape if you're a corpse."

"Wow," Luke said. "Can you imagine how a couple of dead bodies will be stinking by the time you get them back to Wyoming?"

"And you'd shoot little old me?" Clem questioned, batting her eyes at Mullins, flustering the pasty-faced man.

"I'd never harm you, Miss Hale."

"So you'd make her ride a horse all the way to Wyoming in broiling hot weather for weeks on end with bloated, rotting dead bodies?" Han yelled. "What kind of cad are you?"

"I, um, I'm not a cad," Mullins said, shaking his head. "I never thought about those details."

"That's what you say," Han muttered, sitting back in his seat and folding his arms across his chest, and stared menacingly at Mullins. "I say we tie him up and toss him out the door the next time we cross over a river."

"That's a bit harsh," Luke replied. "I say we give him a canteen of water and shove him out of the window. Hopefully, he'll land in some sand that will break his fall." Luke looked at Clem. "What's the name of the tribe around here?"

"Shoshone, I believe."

"Are they friendly?"

"Just as friendly as the rest of the Indian tribes."

"Good luck, Mullins," Han said, grinning.

"Wait a cotton-pickin' minute," Mullins yelled, outraged. "I'm still holding the gun, and you're still under arrest. You can't throw me outta the train!"

Using the Force, Luke tugged the cuff of Mullin's pant leg, causing the startled detective to bend over and look worriedly at the floor. Luke quickly snatched the weapon from Mullin's hand, turning the barrel to face the shocked man. "Now you're not holding a gun on us."

"Nice job," Han said. "I'm impressed. Now what do we do with him?"

"Good question," Luke replied.

"I have an idea," Clem said, giving a wicked grin at both men.

* * *

Dantooine

X3 was standing in the middle of the empty chamber room, his hands on his hips, as Seviss escorted Curry, Heyes and Leia into the room.

Leia wasted no time confronting the clone. "What, exactly, do you hope to accomplish by shooting Curry?"

"Since imprisonment has failed to impress Heyes, if I destroy his friend, he will finally have the nerve to face me with his lightsaber."

"What about Darth Vader, Master?" Seviss questioned nervously.

"What about him?" X3 snapped.

"Prisoners say he is coming."

"They lie!" X3 roared. "The Dark Lord would not dare to come to my enclave." Furious, he pushed Leia's smaller DL-22 blaster at Seviss and pushed his outer robe back to reveal he was wearing Han's gun belt with the DL-44. "Put the blaster in your belt, and then we shall have this contest and you will die, Curry! DIE!"

"Why do I get the little gun?" Curry complained.

Seviss handed the blaster to Curry, and whispered, "Sorry."

"I thought you said you had a golden blaster," Heyes pointed out. "That one isn't gold. It's not even silver."

X3 appeared briefly flustered. "My father's golden blaster is, um, too good to use on the likes of you."

With Heyes, Leia and Seviss standing off to one side of the room, Curry tucked the small blaster in his belt and took his place several yards away from X3, watching the man's expression. Without warning, X3 moved his hand down, and Curry quickly went for his own weapon, drawing it out far faster than X3. He squeezed the trigger… and nothing happened. The weapon wasn't even tingling, it was simply dead.

By this time, X3 had pulled the DL-44 belatedly out of the holster, and smugly pointed the larger blaster at Curry.

"This isn't fair," Curry objected. "My blaster isn't working!"

"Of course not. I removed the charge. Did you really believe I would take the chance you'd outdraw me?" X3 gave an evil cackle. "Now you will die." He pulled the trigger.

Seviss screamed, "NO!" then jumped forward just as the blaster discharged, and the bolt slammed into the Dantari's chest.

The Princess rushed over to Seviss as he collapsed onto the floor. "Hold on, Seviss. I'll contact Threepio and he can fly the Falcon over here, and we can get you medical attention."

"I think he's already dead," Heyes said, coming over and kneeling down beside Leia.

"Don't say that," Leia ordered, feeling her eyes welling up with tears.

Curry regarded the stunned clone, who had dropped the DL-44. "Why did you have to do that?"

"I.. I… ." To everyone's great surprise, X3 burst into tears, throwing himself on the ground and holding Seviss's lolling head. "Why did he have do that?"

"A better question might be, why do you want to kill us?" Curry asked.

"I wasn't trying to kill anyone!" X3 spluttered. "I only wanted to scare you, so you'd run away." He sniffed and looked up at Leia. "I thought you'd be able to easily escape from that cell, and leave the compound so I could keep the Dantari natives afraid of me, and the local humans away from this compound. Why didn't you leave?"

"It was locked," Leia pointed out, annoyed.

"So you're not really a Jedi?" X3 questioned Heyes.

"For the _ten_ millionth time, no," Heyes said.

"But you had a lightsaber!"

"Didn't I already explain that?" Heyes asked. "The lightsaber doesn't belong to me."

"I'm confused," Leia said. "Why do you want the Dantari people to be afraid of you?"

X3 gave a weary sigh. "I'm a failure, a complete reject. After the Kaminoans created me, they found out I didn't have a single bit of Force-sensitivity, so they just abandoned me here on Dantooine to live out my life as a normal human being. But I didn't want to be normal. I wanted respect. So I told everyone I was a powerful Force-user like my father and my clone-brothers, and if they defied me they would feel my wrath."

"So your demand that I fight you with a lightsaber was all a big bluff?" Heyes spluttered out indignantly. "I'll bet you never had a golden lightsaber or a golden blaster, did you?"

"Yes, it was a bluff, and no I never had a golden lightsaber," X3 admitted. "I knew that a Jedi wouldn't accept my offer to fight. But when you refused to escape, I thought I'd raise the stakes by threatening your friend, and _then_ you'd escape. But that didn't happen, either, and then here you all came, tromping into my chamber, pretending you weren't afraid of me."

"So you drained my blaster in case you lost?" Curry questioned.

"Of course," X3 replied. "Just because I'm a megalomaniac doesn't mean I have a death-wish."

"Why didn't you just let us leave when Heyes won the sabacc game?"

"That would require admitting defeat, and showing weakness." X3 shook his head. "And I wanted you to _leave._ If I let you go, you might very well continue poking around, and discover the magic caves under this compound." His eyes grew wide, and he slapped his hand over his mouth. "Oops. I said too much."

"Megalomaniacs usually do," Heyes said knowingly.

"Poor Seviss paid the ultimate price, thanks to your crazy plan," Leia snapped at the crestfallen clone.

Just then, Seviss gave a groan, and opened his eyes. "Seviss? You're alive!?"

"The blaster must have been set on stun," Leia said happily.

"It was set on stun?" X3 gave a quick glance over at the offending weapon. "I've never used one of those blasters. Someone needs to tell the manufacturer they have too many confusing controls."

"Seviss feel queasy," the Dantari mumbled, just before heaving up his dinner in X3's lap.

* * *

Nevada, 1883

Elko, Nevada, with a current population seven hundred and fifty-two, only existed because it was the east end of the Central Pacific Railroad, and was originally inhabited by the railroad crews in 1868, when it had a much larger population. Now it survived, serving as a supply center for local ranchers and miners.

When the train made a scheduled stop in this small, dusty town, Han, Luke and Clementine disembarked, dragging the bound and gagged Bannerman detective Edward P. Mullins along with them. Han gave a concerned look over at Clem as she headed for the front of the train. "Don't let this thing leave without us."

Luke gazed around the tiny town, which sat in the middle of an arid basin between mountain ranges. "This town is even smaller than Anchorhead, if that's possible. I'd hate to get stuck here."

"Oh, don't worry so much," Clem said. "When have I ever let you down?"

"Back in Colorado, when you told the posse where we were hiding," Han replied tersely. The idea of getting stuck in this burg wasn't sitting too well with him, either. "Come on," the Corellian snapped, tugging the arm of the trembling Mr. Mullins.

"Let me do the talking, Han," Luke said as they headed toward the Sheriff's building.

"Why do you always say that?"

"Because you have a tendency to talk _too_ much," Luke replied. "It gets us into trouble."

"I helped with Grey Wolf!"

"Every now and then, even a blind womp rat stumbles onto a piece of old cheese."

"I resent that," Han groused. "Have you ever seen me eat moldy cheese? 'Sides, who forged all these nice, official looking flimsies we needed to pull this off?"

"Shh," Luke said, waving his hand at Han. "We're here." He squinted up at the worn sign. "Elko County, Sheriff J.B. Fitch."

"I wonder what the J.B stands for," Han mused. "All sorts of things come to mind. Jerky Bore. Justa Ba.-"

"QUIET!" Luke yelled, looking at Han and not noticing the door opening.

"Can I help you?" a man's deep voice inquired.

Luke spun around, seeing a tall gentleman with frizzy white hair and a large, bushy mustache standing in the doorway. Luke cleared his throat, and tried to recall all the things Clem had told him to say. "Uh, yes. My name is Luke Skyler, and this is my partner, Hank Solomon. We're Wells Fargo Detectives, and we've caught us a bad guy. A _really important_ bad guy. He's wanted by the law in California for stage coach robbing, and we need you to keep him locked up for us until we can legally extradite him to California."

The Sheriff looked their prisoner up and down. "And he would be..?"

"Oh, yeah. Charles Boles. Otherwise known as Black Bart, the gentleman bandit that writes poetry."

"I've heard of him," Fitch stated, his expression becoming more interested. "Real polite robber, they say. Why do you have him gagged?"

"Uhh…" Luke stuttered, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation.

Han piped up, "We caught him over two hundred miles back, and he never shuts up reciting bad poems. Listen to this one - 'I'm robbing this here Wells Fargo stagecoach, and someday soon you'll thank me, 'cuz under that seat lives a nasty big cockroach.' Awful, awful poems, and non-stop, too. You'd have put a gag on him, too, if you were in our boots."

"I suppose so," Fitch said agreeably, not noticing the glare Luke directed at Han. "I'll have to see your identification."

Luke quickly produced the papers Han had carefully forged, using Mullins own documents as a guide, and Clem's assistance with names and places. The Sheriff nodded, seemingly satisfied. "Well, things do seem to be in order."

"Can you put him up while we take care of all the details?" Luke questioned.

"Course I can," Fitch said. "Bring him inside."

The Sheriff untied the rope around Mullins' wrists and pushed the small man inside one of the two small cells. Mullins quickly removed his gag. "I'm Edward P. Mullins, of the Bannerman Detective Agency. That's Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry! Arrest them, and let me go!"

"What?" Fitch asked, taken aback.

"Black Bart told us he could play a small town sheriff like a rusty twiddle stick," Han stated. "He did manage to come up with a good story though, didn't he?"

"A rusty twiddle stick?" Fitch repeated, scratching the back of his neck.

"It's NOT a story!" Mullins screeched. "It's the truth!"

Luke shook his head and sighed. "We told you that kind of a scam wouldn't work, Bart. Sheriff Fitch wasn't born yesterday."

"No, I wasn't," Fitch stated. "They have their paperwork in order, Black Bart, so you just cool your heels. You're going to be in that cell for a while."

"Thanks, Sheriff," Luke said, feeling a trickle of sweat run down his back as he realized how close they were to getting away with this scheme. "Han and I will go send a telegram to Wells Fargo, and get the process going."

"Han? Don't you mean Hank?" the Sheriff questioned, suddenly wary.

"Han is short for Hannibal!" Mullins shouted. "I told you so!"

"Han is also short for Hank," Luke quickly pointed out, desperately trying to cover his misstep. "Just one letter short, as a matter of fact."

"I thought Hank was short for Henry," Fitch said.

"Henry?" Luke asked, shaking his head. "That doesn't make a bit of sense. Then Hank's name would be Hen, not Han."

"Are you calling me a chicken?" Han demanded, wagging his finger under Fitch's nose. "I don't appreciate people calling me a chicken!"

"Uh, no, of course not," Fitch said, totally confused by this point. "You gentlemen go send your telegram. Black Bart won't be going anywhere on my watch."

"You're going to be sorry," Mullins shouted at Luke and Han. "I heard that Ike Clanton has men waiting for you further west, Curry! Clanton doesn't take kindly to being shot!"

Both Han and Luke quickly exited the office, and hurried across the street toward the train station, listening as the whistle blew.

"That was close," Han commented. "For a while there, I thought he'd caught onto us."

"The train's pulling out!" Luke shouted, increasing his speed to catch up to the moving railroad cars. "Hurry!"

"I'm hurrying," Han shouted, watching as Luke gave a dramatic leap toward the caboose, barely grabbing onto the metal railing as he pulled himself onboard. The younger man turned and leaned over, grasping for Han's fingers. Their hands connected, and with great effort, Luke was finally able to hoist Han onto the small platform.

They stood there for a long moment, gasping to regain their breath. Then they moved carefully from the caboose car and through several passenger cars before finally getting to their own seats. Clem sat primly, and gave a nod that they should sit.

"You were supposed to have the conductor hold the train for us," Luke said accusingly.

"I tried," Clem said. "He wasn't too interested in getting off his schedule. All's well that ends well."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Han grumbled.

"You made it, didn't you?" Clem said with an unconcerned shrug.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia tries to find a way to bring Han and Luke back from Earth. Meanwhile, Han gets into a bit of trouble at a casino in Reno, NV

Dantooine

"You need to show us the magic caves," Leia said firmly. "I believe that's where we'll find the secret for returning Heyes and Curry to their planet, and getting back Han and Luke back here."

"I won't help you," X3 said stubbornly. "Those caves belong to me."

"They belong to Dantari," Seviss stated, annoyed. "Caves were there before Jedi. That is why Jedi built Enclave here."

X3 wagged his finger at Seviss. "Don't you dare show them those caves. It'll stir everything up."

"Stir what up?" Leia questioned.

"None of your business."

"Dantari," Seviss replied to the Princess. "My kind live in caves. Went down to escape bad Sith, and never come back up."

"How long have the Dantari lived in those caves?" Leia asked.

"Twenty growing seasons," Seviss said sadly. "Many never see light."

Leia pursed her lips in thought. "Twenty years? So they went underground about the time of the Clone Wars."

"Seviss take you down to the magic caves," the Dantari volunteered. "Seviss protect new friends from attack."

X3 gave a snort. "You won't make it halfway down before hundreds of Dantari will find you, and then you'll long for the days you were my prisoners."

"Why?" Heyes asked worriedly. "What do they do to their prisoners?"

"They'll have a big feast, and you'll be the guests of honor," X3 answered. "Hot and steaming, right in the center of the table."

Heyes gulped. "You mean they're cannibals?"

"Don't say I didn't warn you," X3 said.

"We're taking our weapons," Leia said, picking up the DL-44 from the floor. "We'll need both blasters, fully charged, and the lightsaber."

X3 hesitated for a moment, but when Heyes and Curry gave a threatening step in his direction, he took Luke's lightsaber out from under his robe and handed that to Leia, and the DL-22's charger along with Han's gun belt over to the men. "These weapons won't help. They'll be far too many of them, and they're hungry. They're _always_ hungry."

"I have to admit, I'm having a bad feeling about this," Curry said.

Leia shot Curry a disgusted look. "A bad feeling? Don't you start talking like that, too."

"Like what?"

"Never mind," Leia said, turning to Seviss. "Lead the way."

Seviss escorted them to what once was a turbolift, but the mechanics had long ago failed. Inside the tubes were durasteel ladders, welded against the inner walls.

Curry leaned over, then dropped a pebble down the dark, damp hole. It was a very, very long time before the faint echo of the small object could be heard hitting the bottom. "Are these ladders stable?"

The Dantari nodded as he nimbly jumped onto the first rung, holding on with one hand and waving that his new friends should follow. "Hardly ever break."

"How reassuring," Curry said dryly.

"You first," Heyes said, pointing at the tube.

"Age before beauty," Curry shot back.

"Hey! I may be a few years older than you, but I'm also better looking," Heyes argued.

"So either way, you go first," Curry said, smirking.

"Uh, I.." Heyes stopped, trying to come up with an appropriate comeback.

"Oh, good stars," Leia snapped. "I'll go first, you big, brave cowboys." Without waiting for them to respond, the Princess jumped on the rung and climbed down the hole after Seviss, disappearing into the gloom.

Heyes gave a scowl at Curry. "Way to go, Kid. Now she thinks we're cowards."

The blond gunslinger shrugged. "I'm not too worried about it, Heyes. At least she knows I was willing to face X3 in a fight, unlike you." He then moved into the tube, carefully descending the rungs.

"But she kissed me!" Heyes argued, hurrying to follow his partner. "What do you say about that?"

Curry looked up, grinning. "So you won the first battle. The war isn't over yet, is it?"

* * *

Reno, Nevada, 1883

It was another full day of chugging along through the hot, dry Great Basin desert of northern Nevada, making short stops in the small towns of Battle Mountain and Winnemucca before finally starting a long climb up the eastern foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountain range, and entering the region of Reno, Nevada, a town nestled near the northern shore of the picturesque Lake Tahoe, and heavily forested with Ponderosa pines. The train was due for yet another half-day rest stop at this point, and by this time all the passengers were eager to wash the desert dust off their hands and faces, and feel the relatively cool mountain breezes.

Han stepped off the train onto the wooden platform, and tilted his face toward the blue sky. "It sure feels good to take a break from train riding." He gazed around the bustling town, which was, by far, larger than anything they'd been through since leaving Ogden, Utah. "Glad to be out of the desert, too."

"It wasn't so bad," Luke said, shrugging. "All that rock and sand reminded me of Tatooine."

"Once a dirt farmer, always a dirt farmer," Han responded blithely.

"What I don't understand is how someone can farm 'dirt'," Clem said. "Anyone can take a shovel and scoop up dirt."

"I wasn't a _dirt_ farmer," Luke explained. "I was a _moisture_ farmer."

"How can you farm moisture?"

"First, you put out moisture vaporators, and they collect atmospheric humidity that is condensed into water droplets –"

"I'm sorry I asked," Clem interrupted as she patted the dust from her dress. "We have a lot of time, so I'm going shopping for a new outfit. I want something fancier than this once we get to San Francisco."

"How much longer will it be until we get there?" Han asked, belatedly realizing he sounded like a whiney child on a long space trip.

"We're about to enter the great State of California," Clem informed him. "Another day and a half, and we'll be there."

"Yee haw," Han yelled, pumping his fists. "We're almost home, Kid."

"First, though, we'll have to locate Doctor Miguelito Loveless Junior," Luke pointed out. "We don't have any idea how much time that's going to take."

"That shouldn't be too hard," Clem said. "He's got a reputation."

Luke frowned in concern. "What kind of reputation?"

"I've already told you," Clem stated. "He's eccentric. But all geniuses are a bit off their rocker."

"Will we have to pay this crazy doctor money to help us?" Han questioned.

"I'm sure he'll want something for his efforts, I'm just not sure what that will be."

"That sort of concerns me," Luke commented. "I mean, if he's mentally unstable…"

"You worry too much," Han said. "Come on, Kid. Let's go find us some fun action while Clem shops."

"Maybe we should go shopping with Clem," Luke said. "It sounds safer than what you always consider 'fun action.'"

"Shop?" Han repeated, clutching his chest dramatically. "As in, going inside actual clothing stores?"

"Yes."

"Go right ahead," Han said, shaking his head. "That sounds about as appealing as going back inside another jail cell." Without waiting for Luke to respond, the Corellian headed off toward town.

Luke sighed. "I'd better go with him, or who knows what kind of trouble he's bound to get into without my help."

"As opposed to the type he will get into _with_ your help?" Clem asked.

"Very funny," Luke groused as he moved to follow Han. "Be careful, Clem."

"I promise not to let any hat boxes drop on my head and knock me out cold," Clem said with a giggle.

* * *

Dantooine

By the time they reached the bottom rung of the dura-steel ladder, Heyes and Curry were panting from the exertion, and their legs trembled from fatigue. Yet neither Leia nor Seviss appeared to be overly strained. Seviss pulled out a glowrod from under his tunic, then flicked the switch, casting a yellowish light down a very narrow stone tunnel. Water ran in thin rivulets down the walls, pooling on the ground in black puddles.

"Which way?" Leia questioned the native, wincing slightly as her voice echoed down the corridor.

Seviss lowered the glowrod, and pointed at the puddles. "Follow water."

With the light source pointing down, Heyes noticed the water on the floor did indeed form a narrow, meandering stream. And since it was obvious that the laws of gravity worked the same on Dantooine as on Earth, they followed the direction the water took them, with Seviss in the lead, followed by Leia, then Curry, with Heyes the last in line.

"Brr," Curry complained, rubbing his arms. "It's cold down here."

"Caves usually are cold," Heyes pointed out. "Cold and dark." He looked up at the ceiling. "Can you imagine how many tons of rock are hanging over our heads, just waiting for the right moment to crash down, crushing us flatter than a pancake, and leaving our shattered bones to remain down here forever?"

"Shut up," Curry griped. "I really rather not think about it."

"Seviss?" Leia asked, keeping her voice lower. "What's considered magic about these caves, anyway?"

"Dantari say Jedi enter certain area, and never come out," Seviss whispered. "When other Dantari would go inside same place to find Jedi, no Jedi there. No other way out." He hesitated a bit, then added, "Then, later, another Jedi come out, when no Dantari ever see him go inside. Magic place to appear, disappear. Timewalkers, Dantari call them."

"Timewalkers?"

"Dantari say Jedi walk through stone walls, enter other places, other times," Seviss explained. "Jedi keep this place secret from Sith, or Sith use it and change past. Now no Jedi anymore, so Dantari must keep secret place from Sith."

"Are the Dantari going to allow us inside?" Leia questioned.

"Seviss try."

"Can I ask a question?" Heyes said. When no one responded, he continued, "If only a Jedi knows how to enter or exit and move between time and space, then how is this place going to help us? I mean, we're not Jedi."

"I'm guessing that in order to access this portal, you have to be a Force user," Leia explained.

"Again, how is this place going to help us?" Heyes repeated.

"Gatekeeper help," Seviss said. "Gatekeeper know more than Seviss."

"See?" Leia said with far more confidence than she felt. "The Gatekeeper will help us."

* * *

Reno, Nevada, 1883

Han grinned in delight upon seeing the myriad of gambling tables, which were filled up with intense men staring at their cards. Women, wearing scandalously short dresses and fishnet tights, and bright, feathery hats walked between the tables, handing out drinks to their customers. A large table with a centerpiece made up of a wooden wheel, with black and red alternating numbers encircling the wheel, sat on the left side of the room. Han watched intently as men stood around the checkered table, placing colored chips onto the numbered green surface as the wheel spun around, with a little ball clattering along the edge. After a few minutes, Han said, "I'm pretty sure I understand this game. If the number and color you put your chips on comes up on the little wheel, you win. Easy."

Luke frowned. "Easy? Do you see how many numbers and combinations there could possibly be? The odds your chips being placed on the number and color that the little ball lands on are astronomical."

"I'm sure if Threepio were here he could quote us the exact odds," Han said dryly, then grinned. "Hey, Kid. You could use the Force, and manipulate that little ball to end up in a certain slot, right?"

"I suppose," Luke surmised. "Sometimes I try to practice levitation skills by moving X-Wing parts around when I'm doing maintenance work. I have an easier time with the small pieces, though."

"Don't you see?" Han said excitedly. "I'll put down some chips on a number, then you use the Force to shove the ball into the corresponding slot on the wheel. We can't lose!"

"Han, that's cheating."

"So?" Han said indignantly. "I have a grand total of two dollars in my pocket, and you probably have the same. I don't know how much Clem still has, but once she's done shopping it won't be too much. How will we afford to eat or get a hotel room once we get to San Francisco? And besides, what if this crazy doctor demands payment to help us? We need some money, Kid."

"It's still immoral to cheat," Luke said, sounding far less certain.

"This is a casino!" Han argued. "They're loaded. And the way they get loaded is by making sure the House always has the odds stacked in its favor to win. That's not cheating? Of course it is! Besides, as soon as we have enough money to get by, we'll stop gambling." He tapped Luke's arm with the back of his fingers. "I'll need more than two dollars to buy in, so give me your money."

Luke sighed as he pulled out the two pieces of green flimsies. "Fine. I sometimes have to wonder though."

"About what?" Han asked, pocketing Luke's money.

"If Obi-Wan ever had to deal with arguing moral semantics with a Corellian."

"If he did, he'd have lost," Han said. "It might even be the reason he ended up living in a cave."

"I don't doubt that a bit," Luke remarked as Han moved toward the roulette wheel.

* * *

Dantooine

As the four moved ever deeper into the cave, that 'bad feeling' started to overwhelm the Princess. Seviss' glowrod cast its light over the stalactites and stalagmites, creating eerie shadows against the uneven cave walls, and giving the appearance of creatures lurking in the darkness. However, other than their own footsteps and labored breathing, Leia could hear nothing besides the dripping of water.

It continued this way for almost an hour as they wound their way down winding trails and through narrow passageways.

"How much further until we reach this magic cave?" Curry finally questioned.

"Seviss not sure," the Dantari replied.

"What do you mean, you're not sure?" Heyes asked, his voice rising in alarm. "Are we lost?"

Seviss shrugged. "Not lost, Seviss just never been to magic cave, so not sure where cave is, exactly. Seviss think cave this direction."

"If you've never been there, how do you know there is a gatekeeper?" Leia questioned.

"Other Dantari say so."

A loud wail echoed throughout the chambers, and that wail was rapidly joined by a multitude of other screams and shouts. It sounded like the gatekeeper had let loose all the denizens of Dantooine's hellish underground.

Curry put his hands over his ears to block out the echoing screams. "What in tarnation is that racket?"

"Dantari know Seviss bring outsiders," Seviss replied, his tone conveying concern. "Maybe we should run?"

"You're asking us?" Leia shot back in disbelief.

"Where are we supposed to run to?" Heyes asked, trying to peer through the murky darkness to locate their unseen enemy. "There's only two directions - back the way we came, or forward. I can't even tell which direction the screams are coming from!"

No sooner had those words left Heyes' lips than the glowrod illuminated dozens of sets of yellow eyes, blocking the corridor.

"That answers that," Curry shouted, turning around and pushing Heyes backwards. "Go back! Go back!"

The three humans and Seviss rushed back in the direction they'd just come, painfully aware of the thundering footsteps that were rapidly closing the gap.

"They're catching up!" Heyes screamed, not caring what Curry or Leia thought about him at this point. He was scared, and he wasn't above admitting that fact.

"Wait!" Curry shouted, grabbing Heyes by the shirt, and forcing him to come to a stop.

Leia and Seviss promptly crashed into the men.

"What are you doing?" Leia yelled. "We can't stop now!"

"Look!" Curry said, bending over and pointing at a small opening near the floor of the cave. "We can get inside there and hide."

"How do you know it's big enough for all of us?" Leia asked.

"We don't have time to discuss this in a committee!" Curry replied, getting down on his hands and knees and launching himself into the hole. "AHHHHhhhh!" This was followed by a muffled splash.

"Are you okay?" Heyes called into the dark hole.

"It's really dark in here!" Curry yelled from inside the hole. "But it seems to be big enough for everyone. Just watch that first step. It's a long one."

"How do we know something bad doesn't live inside there?" Heyes asked, looking at Leia.

"A better question would be, why does this feel so familiar?" Leia ground out as she pushed her body through the opening. Seviss quickly followed. Heyes, not wanting to face the Dantari mob on his own, joined them….and plummeted down about ten feet before landing in a small, very cold pond. The others had already pulled themselves out of the water, and were standing on a sloped, rocky outcrop. Seviss was already waving his glowrod around taking in their new surroundings.

Heyes slogged through the icy liquid and climbed onto the ledge. "Now what are we supposed to do?"

"It seems we lost our pursuers," Leia pointed out. "That's one thing in our favor."

"Except now we're going to get hypothermia," Heyes grumbled. "It's fifty degrees inside this cave, and we're soaking wet."

Curry had already climbed further up the slope. "Hey! What's this?"

The other three struggled up the slippery rock, and found themselves looking at a large, rectangular durasteel bucket, about five feet high and eight feet long.

"It looks like a coal car," Heyes remarked. "Except it doesn't have wheels." He inspected the ground. "And no tracks, either."

"Coal car?" Leia questioned.

"Back on our planet, we had coal mines. Coal is used for heating and trains burn them for power. The miners would haul out the coal using almost exactly this type of thing."

Leia frowned. "How did they get it out of the mine? It seems like it would be too heavy to push."

"Mules, or men, would stand outside the mine and crank the box up and out with chains. The cars sat on metal tracks and used wheels to roll on. Hard, nasty work."

Leia leaned over and inspected the inside of the car. "This one seems to have some type of control panel, and a steering device. I'll bet if it has a power source, it would lift on replusors." She waved at Curry. "Give me the power pack from Han's blaster."

The gunslinger slipped out the cell and handed it to the Princess, then watched as she fiddled around with the control panel before finally finding a slot. She inserted the cell, and the control panel lit up with green blinking lights. Leia smiled. "See? It still works."

A strange clicking noise echoed from down another narrow tunnel. "Now what's that noise?" Heyes asked. "I thought we'd lost the Dantari."

"That not Dantari," Seviss said, sounding very worried. "That sound like hive kinrath."

Curry sighed. "I don't suppose this hive kinrath is a cuddly, friendly sort of creature."

"No," Seviss whispered. "Kinrath large bugs, have four legs. Very poisonous. Very mean."

"It sounds like they're getting closer, and coming fast," Heyes stated, backing up. Unfortunately, there wasn't anywhere he could actually go.

Leia pointed to the right. "That's the direction they're coming from. Quick, let's get inside the hoverbox." Without waiting for anyone to ask why, she jumped in the box, and started pressing buttons. Curry, Heyes and Seviss climbed in after her, just as the box lifted off the ground. "Point the glowrod forward, Seviss. Hang on, everyone. We're about to go on a wild ride." And the hoverbox shot off down the tunnel, squealing loudly as its sides scraped against the rock walls.

* * *

Reno, Nevada, 1883

Han wound his way back to Luke, holding a small stack of wooden chips. "Our money sure didn't buy us very much. I was thinking-."

"You can do that?" Luke interrupted. "What a surprise."

"Funny. Anyway, we probably should lose a little bit on the first try, just so we don't attract too much unwanted attention. This is my plan - I'll put down one chip, and lose it. Then, after a few more spins, I'll put down the rest of my chips, and you make sure that one wins. Then I'll put down another single chip, and lose that one, too. Then we can get serious, and start really winning … just remember when I only put down a few chips, let that spin lose. It would be way too suspicious if I win every time."

"What if I can't get the ball into the right slot?" Luke questioned. "I'm not very good at using the Force yet."

Han stroked his chin in thought. "You need to practice, first. That's a good idea, actually. Let someone _else_ get on a hot streak, first. That way, we won't be the only ones getting lucky."

"Okay," Luke conceded. "Who do I have win?"

The Corellian pulled Luke closer to one of the roulette wheels, and watched the men gathered around the table. "Those two guys, over there. Practice on them."

"Which two?"

"See that big guy, with the huge white cowboy hat, tan vest? He's putting chips on the table, and that young kid with the green jacket is egging him on. The big guy seems to be really annoyed at the short kid."

"That so-called short kid isn't all that short," Luke said, annoyed. "He's not that young, either. He looks about my age."

"Well, he's younger and shorter than the big guy," Han pointed out, either unaware of Luke's irritation, or not caring.

"Alright," Luke huffed as Han pushed him toward the edge of the table. The young Jedi watched as the big man placed his chips on a red square with the number twelve. Luke shut his eyes, concentrating on the wheel, picturing the ball falling into a red slot with the correct number. Unfortunately, the ball slipped into the next slot, a black space with the number thirty-five.

"Black, thirty-five!" the dealer shouted, using a stick to pull all the chips on the table toward him.

"Kriff," Luke muttered.

"Why didn't you get it into the right slot?" Han questioned.

"I tried," Luke argued. "It was close!"

"Close doesn't count," Han grumbled. "It's a good thing you're practicing this before I bet all of our money." He poked Luke's arm. "The young guy is telling the big guy put down more chips. Try again, Kid."

Across the table, the big guy gave an exasperated grunt. "I'm telling' ya, Pa ain't gonna be happy if we lose all the timber profits."

The younger man pointed at the table. "Our luck's about to change. I'm feeling we're about to win everything back. Put it on black eight. Trust me."

"Trust you?" the big man repeated. "The only thing I'm trustin' right now is we're gonna have to spend the rest of our lives hiding from Pa and Adam. They're gonna skin us alive, Little Joe."

"Black eight! Black eight!" Joe said, patting the number.

The big man sighed, and placed more chips on black eight.

"Black eight, Kid," Han whispered.

"I heard them," Luke muttered, concentrating on the wheel. This time, the ball landed in black eight, and Joe could be heard letting out a triumphant yell from the other side of the table.

"See that, Hoss?" Joe said, grinning widely as he pointed at the now larger stack of chips, slapping the big man on the shoulder. "What did I tell you?"

"It was one spin," Hoss groused. Still he put the chips down again, this time on red nine.

Again, the ball landed in red nine, and the dealer shoved a large tower of chips at Hoss, who was now grinning. "Maybe we should quit while we're ahead," Hoss said. "We've just about got back all Pa's money."

"We can't quit now," Joe argued. "Put it on black two! I'm liking black two!"

Hoss gave a groan and put his chips on black two. "This is against my better judgment, little brother."

"Black, two!" the dealer yelled, to the whoops and hollers of Joe and Hoss.

Han grinned at Luke. "Remember, let me lose the first spin, and let those two win one more time. Then it will be our turn to win."

"I know, I know," Luke said, his jaw clenched.

To Luke's amazement, Han's plan worked. Using the Force, Luke carefully manipulated the ball to Han's number when he'd put down the majority of their chips, and allowed him to lose when he placed a short stack on the table. Luke also kept 'Hoss' and 'Joe' in the game by making sure they won the spins that Han 'lost'.

Although the dealer may have been suspicious, he could see nothing amiss, so he accepted the spins at face value. Everything was going along exactly as planned…until…

"Curry!"

Everyone stopped gambling, and the entire place grew quiet as they looked over at the two rough looking interlopers.

"Which one of you is Curry?" the first man demanded, waving a gun.

Hoss was the one that spoke up. "May we ask who's asking?"

"Yeah, why not?" the man scowled. "My name is Phin Clanton, and this here is my friend, Pony Diehl. Last week, Curry shot my brother, in Julesburg, Colorado. Then he hopped the train headed west with his loser friend Heyes, 'cuz they thought we were in Colorado, too, and they were afraid of us. But me an' Pony were in Virginia City, waiting for Ike to come here on the next train, but Ike couldn't because that lowlife Curry shot him in the back, and nearly kilt him. Ike sent us a telegram, and told us to head over to Reno and wait for those cowards to get here. Now, like I already once asked, which one of you is Curry?"

"He was shot in the back?" Han asked, astonished at the lie. "Really? How did he send a telegram if he was so gravely injured?"

"Ike's tough," Phin snarled. "Are you Kid Curry?"

"Nope. My name's Hank Solomon, and this is my friend Luke Skyler," Han quickly replied. He waved over toward Hoss and Joe. "Those two might be who you're looking for. I might've heard the big guy - that must be Heyes - calling the little one 'kid,' so that must be Kid Curry," Han explained.

"That's not true!" Joe said indignantly. "My name is Joe Cartwright, and this is my brother, Hoss."

Han shook his head. "Brothers? That's the biggest load of horse droppings I've heard today. You two don't look a bit alike."

"That's true," Pony Diehl agreed. "The little one looks like he could be a gunslinger."

"HE'S NOT LITTLE!" Luke yelled in fury, much to everyone's surprise.

Then all hell broke loose.

* * *

Dantooine

Both cowboys hung on for dear life as the boxy hovercar shot down the narrow stone passageways. How Leia managed to steer the thing without crashing into a wall was a mystery to them, since even with the glowrod they could only see a few feet in front of the car. As they were going downhill, the hovercar continually picked up momentum, gaining even greater speed.

"We're gonna die," Heyes moaned. "I'm never going to be able to gamble again."

"At least you got to kiss a real Princess before you died," Curry yelled back over the howling wind. "That's more than I got."

"Are you still gnawing on that old bone?" Heyes responded. "Let it go already, Kid."

"I'll let it go when - " Curry stopped talking, noticing the ceiling ahead was very, very low. "AHHH! Duck!"

"Down here?" Heyes questioned, looking around in confusion as the other three riders dropped to the car's floor.

Curry grabbed his partner and pulled him down, just as the low hanging rock ceiling went over the top edge of the car. "Oh… _duck,_ " Heyes said, nodding in understanding.

The Princess peered out of the edge, relived to see they were clear of the rock ceiling. "I'm pretty sure we've left those kinrath bugs far behind us."

"Good," Curry said. "Can we stop?"

Nodding, Leia pressed the brake button… and pressed it harder. The car kept up its insane speed.

"Why aren't we stopping?" Heyes asked.

"The brake isn't working," Leia yelled, frantically punching the unresponsive control.

"Now what do we do?"

"I don't have a clue!"

* * *

Reno, Nevada, 1883

All Luke wanted to do was to protect himself from the flying chairs and prevent innocent bystanders from getting shot by wayward, ricocheting bullets, but instead he found himself participating in one of the largest free-for-alls he could ever imagine.

Phin Clanton had launched himself at Joe Cartwright, and threw the first punch. For such a 'little' guy, Joe managed to handle himself quite well, sending Clanton careening over a card table with a well-aimed punch. The big guy, Hoss, was fighting with Pony Diehl, easily picking the man up and tossing him several yards through the air. The crashing of the tables had inspired the rest of the patrons to join in, and currently everyone – except for the fancy ladies, who had completely disappeared – was punching everyone else. Or smashing furniture over the next guy's head. Or firing their guns into the air. It was quite the chaotic scene.

As he backed up, Luke bumped into another guy and spun around to defend himself. He found himself face-to-face with Joe Cartwright. "Oh, it's you."

"Yeah, it's me," Joe replied. "I want to thank you for defending me."

"What?" Luke asked, straining to hear over the noise.

"You told them I wasn't 'little'," Joe explained, leaning close to Luke's ear to be heard. "I've been called 'Little Joe' my entire life, and to tell you the truth, it's getting old."

"That's understandable," Luke said. "I get teased because I grew up on a farm. Like that's my fault."

"Why did your friend tell those men I was Kid Curry?" Joe yelled over the din. "He heard my brother calling me 'Joe' all evening!"

"My friend is crazy," Luke replied. "I'm terribly sorry about the misunderstanding."

"I'm sorry, too!" Joe shouted, punching Luke in the nose, and sending him reeling back into the mob.

Luke took several more punches to the stomach by other cowboys before deciding it was time to leave the building. He dropped to his hands and knees, trying to weave his way between moving legs and overturned, broken furniture. It was there he found Han, groping around under the roulette table and stuffing money into his pockets. "Han? What are you doing?"

The Corellian paused and looked at Luke. He had several large bruises on his chin and cheek. "What do you think I'm doing?"

"That's stealing!"

Han groaned in exasperation. "No, it's not. This happens to be my winnings. I earned this money, so I'm taking it."

" _You_ didn't earn it," Luke argued. " _We_ earned it! Do you really believe you could have won even a tenth of that without my help?"

"You're right," Han said, shoving money at Luke. "Put this in your pockets. Mine are full, anyway."

"I can't believe I let you talk me into using the Force to cheat," Luke grumbled, stuffing the green flimsies into his pant pockets. "Obi-Wan would be so ashamed of me. Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen would be ashamed of me. Leia will be ashamed of me!"

"The Perfect Princess will never need to know any of this," Han said, scowling. "Why would you even _think_ about telling her? Are you crazy?"

" _I'm_ not the one that's crazy," Luke shot back. "Except when I let myself get talked into doing bad things by you."

Han grinned, waving at Luke to follow him as he crept out from under the table. "Because you do bad things, does that make you a Sith?" he whispered, crawling as fast as he could toward the exit.

"Not yet," Luke replied. "When I decide to use the Force to choke you, that's how you'll know you've driven me to the darkside."

"I'll keep that in mind," Han said as he reached the relative safety of the door and stood up. "In the meantime, we have a train to catch and I'd really like to leave Clanton's revenge-minded gang in our afterburners."

Luke couldn't argue with Han's logic. _But then, not being able to argue with his 'logic' is why I'm in this bar fight to begin with,_ Luke mused, hurrying out of the casino.

* * *

Dantooine

"We're going to crash if we can't stop," Leia yelled. "Eventually, this tunnel will have to end."

"And then our lives will end," Heyes said morosely.

"It was fun while it lasted," Curry commented. "It would have been more fun if I could have kissed the Princess, though."

"SHUT UP ALREADY ABOUT THE KISS!" Heyes yelled back at his friend.

"Seviss help," the burly Dantari stated firmly.

"How?" Leia asked desperately.

"Seviss strong," he replied, flinging his left leg out of the car. "Seviss use foot brake." With that, he placed his left sole down on the stone floor, and using his heavily calloused foot and his powerful thigh muscles, he dragged his heel, while his face screwed up in pain and concentration. Slowly but surely, the hovercar stopped, one foot in front of a solid stone wall. Seviss forced a smile on his hairy face. "See? Seviss strong." He jumped out of the hovercar, hopping around on his right foot, while holding his throbbing left foot.

Curry scrambled out of the car. "Now where are we?"

The Princess pulled out the power pack, then jumped out and pointed at the wall they had almost crashed into. "Look at this." In the very center was set a large, perfectly round stone slab, about ten feet in diameter. She ran her hand over an intricate carving of two clashing lightsabers. Directly over the crossed lightsabers was a symbol of an old fashioned lever key, and directly under the lightsabers was a carved symbol of a lock. In the center of the lock was a round hole, about two inches in diameter. "This is the doorway to the magic cave."

"Are you sure?" Heyes questioned. "Where's the Gatekeeper?"

"Maybe he saw us careening directly toward him, tinkled in his drawers, and ran off," Curry suggested dryly. "I know I would've."

Leia ignored Curry and looked over at Seviss. "Heyes is right. Shouldn't there be a Gatekeeper?"

"Seviss only know what Seviss hear or see," the Dantari replied, squinting as he tried to peer inside through the tiny opening. "Gatekeeper not here."

Leia sighed. "Without the Gatekeeper, how do we get inside?"

"Maybe there's a special chant or word we need to use," Heyes suggested. "Like abracadabra?"

"What does that mean?" Leia asked, becoming annoyed.

"I'm not sure, actually. I read somewhere it's supposed to open doors that are locked by a magic spell."

"I guess it can't hurt," Leia said, turning to face the stone slab. "Abra…abra…."

"Abracadabra," Heyes whispered.

"Abracadabra," Leia spoke firmly. Nothing happened. "ABRACADABRA!" Still nothing.

"You're missing the wand," Curry said snidely. "You can't expect the magic word to work without waving the magic wand at the same time."

"That's it!" Leia shouted, snapping her fingers. "The magic wand!"

"I was being sarcastic," Curry said.

"I'm not," Leia said, pulling out Luke's lightsaber and turning it on. "This just might be the key we need."

Heyes nodded. "The hole in the middle of the lock!"

The Princess placed the end of the glowing lightsaber against the hole, and slowly pushed the blue light inside.

The door shuddered, and began rotating.

* * *

Sacramento, California, 1883

"In less than a day we'll be at the Pacific Ocean. I've never seen an ocean. When we get to Oakland, the railroad company will put us on a ferryboat and take us across the bay to San Francisco. A real ferryboat! Do you know they put these entire cars on those ferryboats to move them over the water? They must be very big boats," Clem said, smiling as she babbled on. "I was born in Kansas, and the furthest from home I ever been before now was on a trip with my father when I was twelve. We went all the way to Memphis, and took a riverboat ride down the Mississippi to New Orleans. I suppose the Gulf of Mexico is like an ocean, but it's not really. That trip was so exciting."

Han was leaning back in the seat, the cowboy hat over his face. "You understand any of that, Kid?"

"I know what a boat is," Luke said, gingerly pressing his still-sore nose. "We'll figure out the rest when we get there."

"We'll have to be careful when we're on the docks," Clem said informatively. "I've heard those dockhands like to kidnap men to use as workers on the long ship voyages across the Pacific. You sure wouldn't want to end up in China."

"Probably not," Han said dryly, then sat up and removed the hat from his face. "Unless China has lots of gambling joints, booze and beautiful women."

"No!" Luke shouted. "No more gambling! This time I'm serious, Han! SERIOUS!"

Han leaned back, putting the hat back over his face. "You're about as much fun as a dusty old fossil."

* * *

Dantooine

Everyone watched in silent awe as the door swung out, sideways, leaving two entryways into the room, one on either side of the massive circular slab.

"I'm impressed," Heyes said solemnly. "Are we supposed to pick the right side or the left side of the doorway?"

"Don't you think both sides end up in the same place?" Curry asked, trying to see inside the pitch black room.

"Under normal circumstances, I'd have to agree with you," Heyes replied. "But we haven't experienced 'normal' for a few days now."

Leia pulled Luke's lightsaber from the key hole, and pointed. "We'll go in on the right side."

"You know this… how?"

"I don't know how I know," Leia admitted. "It's just a feeling."

"You have those a lot, don't you?"

Leia gave Heyes a strained look. "More often than I care to think about. It's probably the politician in me."

"And here I always thought the only thing politicians had feelings for was the inside of pocketbooks," Curry remarked.

Leia squared her shoulders. "I guess we should go inside and see what's there."

"Seviss not go," the Dantari said firmly. "Seviss stay here. Guard door."

The Princess smiled, and patted Seviss on the wrist. She could tell the large humanoid was frightened of the magic cave, and there was probably no need for him to enter, anyway. "That's a good idea, Seviss. You stay outside and guard us against those kinraths."

The man nodded, flexing his arm muscles. "Seviss strong. Seviss fight bugs."

"What about the glowrod?" Curry asked. "There's only one, and if Seviss stays here, he'll need it."

Leia held up the humming lightsaber. "We'll use this for a light source. Give Seviss the DL-22. If those bugs show up, he'll need protection." She handed Curry the power pack for the DL-44. "We might need a working blaster, too."

After Curry inserted the charge in Han's blaster, the Princess headed into the gloom, and Heyes and Curry reluctantly followed.

* * *

San Francisco, California, 1883

The _Solano,_ a huge ferry steamer four hundred and twenty-four feet in length, was built five years ago to haul both passengers and railroad cars across the Straits of Carquinez. The ferry actually had train tracks built on her main deck, four sets placed side by side, which allowed entire trains of up to fourteen cars to be placed on the ferry, and then shuttled across the water. From there, the train continued on to Oakland, where three tired passengers disembarked for the last time.

Han, Luke and Clem took a second ferry, called the _Antelope,_ across San Francisco Bay from Oakland to the bustling, booming city of San Francisco. Han had never been as happy in his life to have a journey come to an end.

"Where do you suppose we should start looking for Doctor Loveless?" Luke asked Clem.

"He used to work for the University of Berkeley, but they fired him for being too radical. The last letter my father received from Loveless said he was working as a science professor for Bay View Science and Technical School," Clem said. "Although that was a long time ago. He might not still be there, but if he's not, maybe some of his colleagues will know where he's staying. "

"He's working as a professor? I thought you said this guy was unstable," Han remarked.

"Yes, and I also said he was a genius," Clem replied. "Institutes of higher learning are always interested in hiring brilliant minds to teach and mold their students."

Luke scratched his chin in thought. "It sure makes you think of the possibilities, though. All those young minds…under the influence of a mad scientist. What if it turns out he could actually brainwash them to do his bidding? He could have hundreds of minions running around this city by now."

"You obviously read way too much pulp fiction, Luke," Clem stated. "Now pick up my travel bags and let's go find a taxi."

* * *

Dantooine

Leia and her two cowboy charges pressed past the entryway, and walked into a strangely dark and silent cave. The blue light from the saber illuminated the small area, allowing them to see all all sides of the room. Carefully they made their way further into the chamber, finally reaching the far wall.

"This isn't like a cave at all. It's a perfectly round room, like being inside a balloon," Leia said. She reached up and touched the shiny surface. "These walls are smooth, like polished dura-glass."

"The floor surface is different in here, too," Heyes commented, bending over to inspect the ground. "It's completely flat - not like rock at all."

"It's kind of creepy," Curry added. "It looks like we're standing on the surface of a lake. If you look real close, you can see what looks like silvery fish darting around under our feet."

"They're not just under our feet," Leia pointed out, peering intently at the wall. "If you look closer at the sides, you can see creatures floating around behind the dura-glass there, too. But it doesn't look like fish to me. They look like human shapes."

Curry leaned closer to the 'wall'. "You're right. This is starting to scare the living daylights out of me. Let's get outta here."

"I agree," Heyes said. "There isn't another way out besides the way we came in, and there isn't a gatekeeper in here, either. This place isn't going to help us get back home." He started to turn toward the exit, and then took a quick step backwards, bumping into Curry.

"Watch it," Curry muttered.

"Kid?"

"Yeah?"

"The exit door has disappeared," Heyes pointed out. "It's gone."

Curry and Leia turned to see that Heyes was right – the round doorway had not only shut, it was entirely gone. Only the smooth, curved, black surface remained. The bubble effect was now complete.

"Great. Now what?"

"Maybe the lightsaber can cut through the wall," Leia suggested.

"That would cause a rift in the flow," a soft voice spoke from behind them. "It would collapse the portal for all time."

* * *

San Francisco, 1883

Bay View Science and Technical School was a small, dreary looking, two-story building about one block away from the bay. It didn't have a view of the bay, and it didn't appear to be much of a school, either. Directly across the street was a seedy looking bar, and sitting right next door to the school was a Victorian style house, painted bright pink. Even in the middle of the day, men could be seen furtively looking over their shoulder as they hurried down the path and disappeared into the ornate double doors of the garish house. A block to the north were the infamous wharfs, where rough hewn sailors unloaded their catch before heading off to find their nightly entertainment.

Ironically, only a block in the south direction, the area became rather upscale. Fancy homes of the wealthy perched on the hillsides, overlooking the blue waters of the bay and the majestic mountains to the east.

With Clem leading them past the unkempt lawn and up the front steps of the school, they walked into the musty-smelling building. A tiny, elderly lady with thinning gray hair tied up in a bun, and her eye glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, sat at a large desk, which was overrun with stacks of papers. The sign on her desk stated her name as 'Florence Mae Priddy'.

She looked them up and down, an expression of surprise on her face. It was apparent she wasn't accustomed to visitors. "May I help you?"

"Yes," Clem said politely. "Do you have a Professor Loveless working at this fine school?"

The other woman's expression clouded over, her face showing disapproval at the mere mention of the name. "Yes, we do. Are you interested in enrolling?" She shoved a brochure toward Clem. "We have four accredited teachers at this school, as well as Mr. Loveless. Our current student enrollment is thirty-eight students, up two from last semester. Although you appear to be a bit older than the other students, as long as you have the money, we aren't too fussy about admittance rules. You don't even have to attend the classes very often to get a passing grade."

"No, we're not interested in enrolling," Clem replied. "We just want to talk to Professor Loveless. Is he here?"

Florence Mae gave a weary sigh. "Go up those stairs, and turn left. It's the third door on your right, room two hundred sixty-three. Just be warned he's not the friendly type, and he has a nasty tendency to make the female students cry on the very first day of school."

"I'm not the crying sort," Clem said, giving a short nod toward Luke and Han. "Come along, boys. We're about to meet your rescuer."

"You've never met him?" Han questioned.

"Of course not," Clem said as she headed up the squeaky stairs. "He's my father's friend, not mine."

Luke put his hand on top of the rounded newel cap, and looked up. "I'm getting the same sensation I get when Vader's in the vicinity."

"Great," Han muttered. "So you're telling me we're about to meet Earth's one and only Sith Lord?"

"It's a distinct possibility," Luke admitted.

* * *

Dantooine

Leia, Heyes and Curry swung around again, and Curry quickly drew the blaster from the holster, pointing it in the direction of the voice.

A tall, elegant woman stood before them. She wore a long, brown robe, and her dark hair was braided, hanging in long loops over her shoulders. She smiled at her visitors, and with a small wave of her hand, soft light filled the chamber. "Welcome."

Leia quickly turned off the lightsaber and tucked it away under her belt, then reached over and pushed Curry's weapon down. She took a step closer to the woman, noting her resemblance to Mon Mothma. "Hello. My name is Leia Organa. These are my friends, Heyes and Curry. They aren't from our galaxy, and we've come here to find a way to return them to their own planet, and also to find my friends, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. I believe they somehow switched time and place with each other."

"I see," the woman said.

"What's your name?" Heyes demanded. "How did you get inside?"

The woman continued to address Leia as she replied, "My name is Vasha Billaba, an Adept of Chalacta, and sister of Depa Billaba. She was a powerful Jedi that fell to the darkside many years ago. This portal has been placed under my watch, so I may make atonement in the name of my family."

"Are you the Gatekeeper?" Curry asked.

The woman gave a nod. "Some native Dantari call me by that name."

"Can you help us?" Leia asked. "Seviss told us the Jedi of the Old Republic could walk through time by using this place. We're not Jedi, but Luke Skywalker is strong in the Force. I truly believe it's important that he returns to this galaxy to defeat Emperor Palpatine, and I'm sure Heyes and Curry would like to return to Earth, too."

"So it may be," Vasha said. "It is true that Jedi could use this place as a portal to timewalk, but they also understood the vast potential for misuse. That is why it was kept a secret from all others, and why I must continue to guard against entry by the Sith."

"I do understand that," Leia said. "Can non-Jedi timewalk?"

"Yes, it is possible."

"Can you tell us how?"

Vasha pointed at the glittering forms, floating behind the curved walls. "All that you see through these mirrors are beings, in other places, and in other times. A Jedi could simply use the Force to meditate for the proper place, then step through the portal walls and they would be wherever, whenever, they desired. A non-Jedi _could_ step through, however he may end up in _any_ place, or _any_ time. Control through the Force was the key to a successful timewalk. I can help point the way, and open the portal for you to step through at the right moment. But if you wish to return to this place, and this time, you must go back to the _exact_ place you stepped through on the other world, at _exactly_ the same time, one complete time cycle later. I will be here, holding open the portal for you once again, but for only a minute. If you fail to step through, I will close the portal and you will be trapped on this place you call Earth forever. You must fully understand these risks before you go."

"We understand," Leia said, feeling a cold chill run up her spine.

"Good," Vasha said. "Hold hands, for you must precisely step through together."

Heyes, Curry and Leia held hands and stared at the swirling wall.

"This isn't going to hurt, is it?" Heyes asked. "I don't much care for pain."

"Concentrate on your missing friends, Leia," Vasha ordered softly. "Then, when you hear their voices, step forward, and go through the portal."

Leia concentrated. Then she could hear a man's voice, _Luke's_ voice, saying, _"It's a distinct possibility."_

Tugging at Heyes' and Curry's hands, Leia stepped through the wall.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Han meet Dr. Loveless, Jr. Meanwhile, Leia and the cowboys find themselves in San Francisco. Will our Rebels get back home?

San Francisco, 1883

Clem tapped lightly on the heavy wooden door that carried the brass numbers of '263'. The middle number 'six' had lost its top nail, and was hanging upside-down, giving the uneven appearance of the room actually being numbered '293', since the number nine was lower than the other numbers.

"Glad I never had to go to school in this dump," Han said, looking up and down the wide corridor. "It looks like a fire trap."

"He's not answering," Luke said to Clem. "Knock harder. Maybe he's got bad hearing."

Clem gave a much louder bang on the door, and it echoed down the quiet hallway. "He must not be here."

"Someone's in there," Luke insisted. "I can feel it." This time, Luke rapped loudly on the door, and called out, "Hello? Doctor Loveless? Can we come in?"

"Go away," a muffled, annoyed voice sounded from inside the door. "It's after three o'clock and my duties to this cursed school end precisely at three. I don't have to talk to any idiotic student that forgot to take their textbook with them when the class ended."

"We're not students," Luke replied. "But we really need to talk to you." This was met with a stony silence. "We've come a long way by train. All the way from Colorado."

"Further than that," Han muttered under his breath.

"I'm sure Colorado misses you greatly," the man replied sarcastically. "I suggest you return on the next train heading east."

"We need your help," Luke called through the door.

"My name is Clementine Hale, and you knew my father, Jonathan Hale," Clem added.

They could hear a click, and then the door opened slightly. Clem, Luke and Han all bent their necks as they were forced to gaze down at the man. The top of Loveless's head came to five inches under Clem's chin, and he wore thick spectacles, with shoulder length, thinning dark blond locks. And he was holding a gun, which he pointed in their direction.

"I despise Jonathan Hale," Doctor Miguelito Loveless Junior said bitterly.

This declaration surprised Clem. "What? You wrote him letters for years!"

"Sure I did, but when I was down and out, and needed some money to keep a roof over my head, he refused me! What kind of friend is that?"

"So I suppose this means you're not going to help us return to our galaxy?" Han groaned. "And after we took that long train trip here, too."

"Help you? HELP YOU?" Loveless repeated with a sneer. "I wouldn't consider it for one second." He slammed the door in their faces.

"We've got money!" Luke shouted desperately through the door. "We can pay you!"

"Now what do we do?" Han asked after a few moments.

The door swung back open, and Loveless stared up at his unwanted visitors, the gun no longer visible. "Your galaxy? Did I hear that correctly?"

"Yes," Luke said, his hopes raising slightly. "I'm Luke Skywalker, and this is my friend, Han Solo. We were on a planet called Dantooine, taking a swim, and some strange vortex pulled us through and we ended up on Earth. In Colorado."

"And my friends, Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry, must have ended up on Dantooine," Clem continued explaining.

"You're lying!" he screamed, his face turning red. "Those lousy Secret Service agents sent you to harass me, didn't they? West and Gordon can't leave me in peace! They drove my brilliant father insane by chasing him like a rabid dog chases a poor fox, and they didn't stop until they drove dearest father into his grave, may he rest in peace."

"Uh, no," Han replied, as he exchanged confused looks with Luke. "We're not really sure where Heyes and Curry ended up, but we're guessing it was on Dantooine."

"I suppose this Dantooine is some Xanadu, where everyone is beautiful, tall and lives in peace and harmony," Loveless muttered.

Luke smiled. "See? _He_ thinks I'm tall."

"That doesn't describe Dantooine," Han explained. "I'm actually from a planet called Corellia. Luke is from a planet called Tatooine. We just happened to be on Dantooine when this strange thing happened to us."

The man's face perked up. "Planets? You move between planets? How is this possible? How long does traveling between planets take?"

"We use space ships," Luke supplied. "Once a ship gets into hyperspace, depending on how far we have to go, it can take anywhere from a few hours to a few days."

"My ship, the _Millennium Falcon,_ made the Kessel Run in under twelve parsecs," Han bragged.

"That same old story again?" Luke complained. "If I have to hear it one more time, I'm going to scream."

"Parsecs happens to be distance, not time," Loveless pointed out suspiciously.

"Yeah, Han," Luke said, unable to keep himself from needling the Corellian. "Even Earth people know that."

"I've already told you how I shaved off distance on that run," Han shot back hotly.

"Can you please help us?" Clem interjected, pleading with Loveless. "We do have some money that we can use to pay you."

The little man's face took on a somewhat maniacal expression, and he rubbed his hands together. "Come in, then." He stepped aside, allowing them to enter his tiny classroom. Four chairs sat against the back wall facing a battered desk. A small, dirt-streaked window allowed a bit of sunlight to stream into the room, and dust particles could be seen floating in the light rays. "Have a seat, and we'll discuss my financial terms," Loveless said, pulling out a strangely large chair from behind the desk.

Luke, Han and Clem all sat down on the students' chairs, and noted how uneven and short the chair legs were. Even Clem had her chin practically resting on her knees. Leaning over, Luke could see that the legs had been roughly sawed off. Meanwhile, Loveless had dragged his chair in front of them, and had jumped up in his own seat. The little man was now gazing down at his guests, smiling benignly. "Tell me about your galaxy. I'd really _love_ to hear all about it."

* * *

Leia opened her eyes, and released her grip on Heyes' and Curry's fingers. She turned around just in time to see an iridescent curtain disappear, replaced by a brick and mortar wall.

"It looks like a back alley," Heyes said, craning his neck and peering up at the brick wall to his left, and a clapboard wall to his right.

"Smells like one, too," Curry added, holding his nose and pointing at the garbage barrels lined up.

Directly in front of them, they could see where the narrow alley led out to a busy road, where horse drawn buggys and cable-cars mingled on the cobblestone street. They carefully made their way out of the alley, and gazed around in awe at the sight. They were standing on a high hill, and a large urban city surrounded them. To the right they could see a large expanse of water, while a bay sat on their left, with mountains rising in the distance.

"Where are we?" Leia asked, noting with concern her slacks and tunic looked extremely out of place, since all the women wore long dresses and ornate hats, and many carried colorful parasols in an attempt to keep the sun from their faces.

"It looks like it could be San Francisco," Heyes replied. "Why would we be in San Francisco instead of Colorado?"

"Right before we stepped through, I heard Luke's voice, so they _must_ be in this city," Leia said. It worried her a bit that she hadn't 'heard' Han's voice, but she refused to consider the possibility that they had separated at some point. _Besides, finding Luke was more of a concern than finding Han,_ she thought. _Right?_ A twinge of guilt welled up, and her internal reasoning seemed to fall flat.

Heyes grabbed the arm of a passing man. "Sir? Is this San Francisco?"

"Yes. It's Nob Hill."

"Can you tell us the time and the date?"

"It's quarter after noon on the 27th," the man replied, looking pointedly at his arm, which Heyes had not released.

"Not just the day, the month and the year, too," Heyes added.

The man frowned at the odd questions. "August 27, 1883." He jerked his arm free and hurried away.

"That's only two days after we left Colorado!" Curry stated in shock. "How is that possible? We've been gone at least five days."

"I'm not sure it matters," Leia said. "Time travel can alter those types of things."

"I always wanted to visit San Francisco," Heyes commented, gazing around. "I like it. Maybe we can stay here, Kid."

"First you have to help me find my friends," Leia pointed out. "We need to remember this exact spot. Vasha said she'd open the portal in exactly one day, right where we stepped out. That would be noon tomorrow. I hope it's one _Earth_ day, and not one _Dantooine_ day. I never thought to ask about that detail."

Heyes looked up at the corner post, and read the sign, "Top of Nob Hill, at the corner of Clay and Jones Streets. That'll be easy enough to remember."

"So which direction do we go now?" Curry asked the Princess.

Leia's eyes slowly tracked the sloping horizon, and when she spotted the fishermen's docks at the water's edge, the now-familiar tingle came back. "The wharfs," she said, pointing off toward the northeast. "Let's start there."

"I've heard those wharfs can be rough," Heyes warned.

"All the more reason to start there," Leia said. "Han and Luke attract trouble like honey attracts a grazer."

* * *

Doctor Miguelito Loveless Junior had listened to Han and Luke's long story for nearly two hours, only occasionally asking a brief question for clarification. He seemed keenly interested in Luke's description of the Force, as well as hearing about the remaining Sith and their current reign of terror over the galaxy. When they finally finished, he sat back, stroking his chin in thought. "Fascinating. A spherical space ship large enough and powerful enough to destroy an entire planet? Fascinating."

"Well, it's gone now. I blew it up," Luke pointed out, spreading his fingers and wagging them. "Kabooooom!"

"Only 'cuz I came back and shot Vader off your tail!" Han put in indignantly.

"There is no sound in space," Loveless said dryly, crossing his arms. "You two need to take my beginners class."

"Can you help us get back?" Luke questioned.

"Maybe I can," Loveless stated, jumping down off his large chair. "Come with me."

The three rose, wincing as their knees creaked a bit from their unnatural position. "Where are we going?" Luke asked.

"This noble, um, institution allows me to use their basement facilities, unfettered by prying eyes. It's my private laboratory," Loveless explained, waving that they should follow. "I've been doing a great deal of research with my pittance of a salary. I think you'll be impressed with what I've accomplished, given my extreme limitations." He spun around on his toe, pointing a finger up at Han. "And I'm not talking about my height, either. Don't think I don't know what's going on in your faulty cerebral cortex!"

"Quit smirking," Han muttered under his breath at a smug-looking Luke.

The scientist took a lantern and lit the wick before leading his guests down a rickety staircase. Cobwebs brushed against their faces as they held onto the wall for balance. At the bottom of the stairs Loveless paused, pulling a lever. Overhead lights flooded the room, and he blew out the lantern. "Electricity! Power, just like lightning from the sky above," he declared. "Soon, every building in the world with be lit up with this miracle. Right now, only the lucky and rich, or a genius like myself, can have access to it." He waved at a ratty sofa. "Have a seat, and I will give you a demonstration of my skills."

The three sat down, feeling wire springs inside the sofa poking them in unmentionable places.

Miguelito Loveless Junior seemed transformed now that he had an audience that could appreciate his talent. He removed a tattered quilt from a cone shaped object in the center of the room with great flourish. "Here is my greatest invention to date." It was silver, and had a series of pulsating blue and red lights running from the base to the point.

"What is it?" Clem asked, leaning forward.

Loveless pressed a button on the cone, and it peeled open like a metal flower, revealing a single seat. "My ion-magnesium-volcanic powered propulsion machine!"

"That clears it right up," Han said, nodding.

"This device," Loveless continued, not noticing Han's sarcasm, "is going to make me the richest man in the world! Do you have any idea what it can do?"

"Nope, not a clue," Han said, ignoring Luke's index finger poking his arm.

"My invention, which I have just now decided to call the Shake'n'Bake, can use the very energy that is sitting under our feet, and funnel it out. Did you know that San Francisco is one of the most earth-quake prone places on the planet?"

"No," Luke said, becoming concerned at the man's rapid breathing, and his dilated pupils.

"Well, it is! We are sitting on what scientists call 'the ring of fire', a large area surrounding the Pacific Ocean. All around this ring are volcanoes, and vast tectonic plates, waiting to unleash their fury on mankind! All they need is a little shove, and that's what this machine is capable of doing – shoving. I've been fine-tuning the controls since May, and now it's time for the world to understand my genius." He walked around the back side of his machine. "Watch this!" He jumped inside, sat down and pressed a button while Han, Luke and Clem looked at each other in concern.

"What's supposed to happen?" Clem finally asked.

Loveless frowned at his device. "There was supposed to be an earthquake." He pressed the button again, with the same result. Nothing happened. "I don't understand. It's supposed to work. Dang it." He fiddled around with the controls. "Then, after that earthquake, I was going to take my machine up to Mount Hood and set off that volcano. After that, I was going to blackmail the United States government into giving me millions to stop making earthquakes and volcanoes. Dang it."

"Oookkaay," Han said, carefully getting off the sofa and backing toward the exit. "I think we've seen enough."

Luke and Clem stood as well, trying to ease their way toward the door. "It was nice meeting you, Professor Loveless," Luke said. "Have a nice day."

Doctor Miguelito Loveless Junior didn't notice his company as they hurried out of the door, since he was too focused on trying to make his machine work.

Luke, Han and Clem hurried up the stairs, and headed out of the building.

"That was weird," Han said. "But we're no closer to getting home than before."

"Wait a second," Luke said, holding up his hand. "Leia!"

Han whipped his head back and forth. "Leia? Leia's here? Where?"

"I can't see her," Luke said. "I can feel her. She's very close to us!"

"How'd the Princess get here?" Han questioned. "Where is she?"

"Why do you care?" Clem asked, annoyed. "I'm your fiancée!"

"No, you're not! That was just pretend."

"Men," Clem sniffed. "You're all alike. You like to keep one woman on the hook, and all the while you wait for someone better to come along."

"Quiet!" Luke shut his eyes, concentrating. "Fish. I'm seeing fish."

"With your eyes closed?" Clem asked.

"Luke sees a lot of strange things with his eyes closed," Han informed her. "After a while, you get used to it."

"The wharf," Clem surmised. "There are lots of fish over there."

"Yes," Luke said, opening his eyes. "That's where we need to go."

The group hurried toward the docks, and in their distracted rush failed to notice that Miguelito Loveless Junior was surreptitiously following them.

* * *

Little did Doctor Loveless know that half a world away, on the Island of Krakatau in Indonesia, a large and powerful volcano, which had begun to awaken from its long slumber in May of 1883, blew its top. By sending underground vibrations along the 'ring of fire' the Shake'n'Bake had done the job its inventor had intended.

* * *

The wharfs were a loud, busy and odorous place, with hundreds of weathered, sea-weary men transferring the day's catch from their small boats to large wooden crates, where buyers would sort and check the seafood - most of which was Dungeness crab - then offer the boat captain a small sum of money for a large bounty from the ocean. If the fisherman made five dollars, it was considered a good week. With the thick haze of flies and mounds of fish intestines sitting in buckets waiting to be tossed off the pier, it was a far cry from the trendy, tourist destination it would one day become.

It was one of the merchants that first noticed Leia, dressed in her tan slacks and green tunic, and odd, calf-high boots. "Hey, lady! What kind of crazy get-up is that?"

Another man paused at his fish inspection, frowning at the newcomers. "Couldn't be a real lady. Real ladies don't wear pants."

Curry stepped between the men and the Princess, giving them his best scowl, while putting his hand on the butt of the DL-44. He wasn't sure the locals would recognize the strange weapon as a gun, but he could always hope he looked intimidating. "I don't appreciate your implying our lady friend isn't a lady." He glanced over his shoulder, and noticed that Leia had pulled Heyes to one side, and was busy whispering in his ear.

The merchant refused to back down. "And I say, no proper lady wears pants. It ain't decent." He looked Curry up and down, checking out the shiny black boots, and the tight black slacks with the gold stripe up the side of the leg. "Those are mighty odd clothes you're wearing, too."

Heyes stepped forward, and said in an accent that sounded like a mangled version of German, "Iz dat idget inzultin' uz, Meester Jones?"

Curry wasn't certain what Heyes said for a moment, until it finally dawned on him, _'Is that idiot insulting us, Mr. Jones?' Oh,_ Curry thought as comprehension dawned. "He sure is!"

"De idget not unnderstandish de Prinzess from Constantinople?" Heyes continued, wildly waving his arms over his head as if he were trying to ward off an attack of crazed bees. "Ann Iz be der Prinzesses brudder, Prinzer Joshua! Iz dis der vey Ammurikans treat'er royalty?"

"Uh, yeah. What he said," Curry said, pointing his thumb at Heyes.

"I have no idea what he said," the merchant muttered. "You people aren't from these parts, are you?"

"No, no," Curry said hurriedly. "They're from, uh…"

"Constantinople," Heyes supplied. "Itz be faraway land o' fruit'n'honey, ann where'n all de ladies wear'n pantsers."

"Yeah, they're from Constantinople, and all ladies over there wear pants," Curry interpreted. At least he hoped he was interpreting correctly.

"Can't say I ever heard of that place," the merchant admitted reluctantly. "So where are you from, feller?"

"Kansas."

The man frowned suspiciously. "Kansas?"

"Yes," Curry said, nodding as he got into the spirit of the game. "I'm a real United States Ambassador, and I was assigned to work overseas. That's how I got to know Princess Leia, and her brother, Prince Joshua, from Constantinople."

"That's a prince and a princess?" the man asked, frowning at Heyes and Leia. "So why are they here, instead of you being over there?"

"The Princess is my, err, my fiancée!" Curry declared suddenly. "After we got engaged, she wanted to see the United States. Allow me to properly introduce myself. Ambassador Thaddeus Jones, at your service, sir.." He held out his hand, waiting for the man to shake it.

The man scratched his chin, refusing to shake Curry's hand. "Why do I think you're lying?"

"I'm not lying!" Curry declared, pretending to be highly offended. "As a matter of fact, I can prove it!" He reached over and grabbed Leia around the waist, then planted a long kiss on her lips.

The kiss came to an abrupt stop as someone grabbed Curry's bicep, spinning him away from the Princess. Then a hard blow from an outraged Corellian's fist crashed against his chin, and he crumpled to the ground, moaning and holding his jaw.

"HAN!" the Princess shouted in surprise upon seeing her friends. "What are you doing?"

"A better question would be what are YOU doing?" Han roared, his face flushed red. "Me and Luke leave you alone with this cowboy for less than two weeks, and when we finally find you, you're sticking your tongue down his throat!"

"Wait a second!" the merchant said. "The Princess speaks English!"

"You're disgusting!" Leia yelled back at Han. "I wasn't doing anything of the sort! And, for your information, I'm the one that found YOU, flyboy, not the other way around!"

"She's got a point, Han," Luke said. "Our attempt to get home was sort of a wash-out."

"How can anyone call this a rescue?" Han pointed out, glaring at Luke. "From my viewpoint, all the Princess accomplished was getting trapped on Earth with us."

Luke nodded, looking at a very outraged Leia. "Well, I can see Han's point, too."

"When I came here, _I_ had a plan on getting back to Dantooine," Leia said snidely. "Unlike the non-existent plan you and Nerfherder had when you tried rescuing me on the Death Star."

"I'll have you know that rescue worked out just fine!" Han roared out, then pointed at Curry, who was struggling to his feet with the help of Heyes. "And he's got my blaster, too! I want it back, right now!"

"THIS blaster?" Curry asked, whipping out the DL-44 and pointing it at Han. "Come and take it from me."

Han whipped out the old-fashioned slug-thrower, and aimed it at Curry. "I'm more than willing, pal."

Luke stepped between the combatants, trying to make a gesture of peace. "Let's not be hasty, everyone." He held out his hand toward Curry. "Please give Han his blaster back?"

"Well, I want my gun back," Curry said, annoyed, and tossing the gun at Luke. "And my hat and clothes."

"Fine!" Han said, taking off the gun belt and throwing the rig and cowboy hat at Curry. "I want my clothes back, too."

"Fine!" Curry yelled, then started to take off his shirt as Han began to unfasten his belt.

"HEYES! CURRY!" Clem yelled, pushing her way past a gathering of local fishermen.

"CLEM!" Heyes shouted, throwing his arms around his friend, and swinging her around in a circle, before giving her a big kiss on the lips. "How did you wind up in San Francisco?"

"What happened to your accent, Prince?" the merchant questioned, tapping Heyes on his shoulder.

"I was trying to help these two space cowboys get back home, so I could find you and Curry," Clem informed Heyes, as they all continued to ignore the poor local man.

By this time, a large group of curious fishermen and merchants had assembled around in a loose circle, watching the bizarre scene in silent curiosity.

"Uh, Han?" Luke said, looking around at the wide-eyed locals. "Maybe we should do this clothing exchange somewhere a bit more private?"

Clem stepped over to Han, and took his arm. "Darling, Luke is right. Undressing in front of this stranger isn't proper, especially since you're my fiancée."

"You're engaged to _that_ man?" the merchant asked, confused. "Why did he punch the poor Ambassador instead of Prince Joshua? Prince Joshua was the one kissing you, not the Ambassador!"

Clem finally looked at the merchant and asked, "Who's Prince Joshua?"

"The man you were just kissing!" the merchant replied, pointing to Heyes and stomping his foot on the ground. "The brother of the Princess!"

Luke was pretty sure Leia was about to have a serious meltdown at this point. "Clem was _pretending_ to be Han's fiancée," Luke tried explaining. "And I was pretending to be her brother. Just like you were _pretending_ to be Heyes' sister, and Curry's fiancée. Isn't that funny? Ha, ha... No? Okay, how about ironic?"

"Han's a very good kisser," Clem said quickly, patting Luke's hand. "But you're a good kisser, too, Luke."

"Wha…what?" Leia spluttered out indignantly. "Luke? You've kissed that woman?"

"Just once," Luke explained, realizing how lame that sounded. "It wouldn't have been right to kiss her _after_ we started pretending to be siblings."

"You were kissing _that_ guy," Han snapped at Leia, pointing to Curry and irritated at his own irrational feelings of jealousy. Why was Leia upset that Luke kissed Clem but not him, anyway?

"The Kid just had to come up with a good excuse to kiss her, because he's been jealous of me ever since I kissed Leia," Heyes pointed out.

"You've kissed BOTH of them?" Luke asked Leia, completely surprised.

"I kissed Heyes for good luck, just like I kissed you for good luck back on the Death Star, and so what?" Leia yelled. "Clem just said she kissed both you and Han!"

"Let me get this straight! You've kissed Luke, Heyes AND Curry, but you've never kissed me?" Han yelled at Leia. "That's not fair!"

"Why would I want to kiss you?" Leia yelled back. "Clem can have you, the poor thing."

"If she ended up with me, she'd be the luckiest woman in the galaxy," Han protested hotly. "Hells, BOTH galaxies!"

"That's not right," Heyes stated firmly. "Clem's my girl."

"Clem's _my_ girl," Curry argued. "She always has been."

"In your dreams," Heyes shot back.

"Wait a second," the merchant inserted into the heated exchange. "How can _Clem_ be your girl, Ambassador? I thought you were engaged to Princess Leia!"

"You're already engaged to Curry?" Han asked hotly. "You've only known the guy two weeks!"

"Curry?" the merchant questioned. "I thought the Ambassador's name was Jones?"

"Who _is_ this guy?" Han asked, jerking his thumb toward the merchant. "I'm starting to suspect he's related to Goldenrod, since he's really starting to annoy me."

"Let's go find a hotel, rent a room, and catch up on our adventures in private," Clem suggested.

"That's a very good idea," Luke said agreeably, trying to gently push the Princess away from the crowd of speechless fishermen. "We need to discuss this calmly and rationally. Right?"

"Right," Leia said tightly, finally allowing Luke to escort her away from the docks.

* * *

With the money Han had 'won' in Reno, they were able to afford to rent small rooms in the Hotel Washington, located on a street with the same name, and only one block over from Clay Street. Once the men had exchanged clothing and weapons, the group of four men and two women went downstairs to a dark dining room and sat around a fairly secluded table, trying to get past their inauspicious beginning. In an attempt to better blend in with the locals, Leia was wearing one of the new dresses Clementine had purchased back in Reno, although Clem had made it abundantly clear it was merely a 'loan', and she fully expected the dress returned to her, undamaged.

"If they have something called Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu, whatever you do, don't order them," Luke instructed the Princess.

After the food came, Leia finished telling her story. Han leaned back, lacing his fingers behind his head and looking smug. "So, you're admitting I was right all along."

"About what?"

"Our contact _was_ Bossk, the Bounty Hunter, and he's a Trandoshan, not a Saurin." He was unable to stop himself from adding, "I told you so."

"So you were right one time in your life," Leia griped. "I wouldn't count on it becoming a regular occurrence."

"Where's my ship?"

"Threepio flew it -."

"WHAT?!" Han roared. "You let Goldenrod fly my ship?"

"It was necessary," Leia snapped out. "He only took it out of the Star Destroyer's sensor range!"

Han groaned. "I'm gone two lousy weeks, and Threepio flies my ship, and we have a Star Destroyer waiting for us in orbit. I'm _so_ looking forward to getting back to Dantooine."

Clem leaned over the table. "I know I am."

"What?" Luke asked, frowning.

"I'd like to go with you to Dantooine," Clem told him excitedly. "I've wanted to do that ever since we left Colorado. Will you take me with you?"

"Uh, I…" Luke stuttered, unable to think of an appropriate response. "Why would you want to leave Earth?"

"Yeah," Curry said. "Dantooine's not all that much fun. They have cannibals and poisonous insects that have it in for us humans."

"It sounds very exciting," Clem insisted. "You survived going there. Besides, if we all went back, you wouldn't have to worry about those Bannerman Detectives chasing you anymore."

"We'd just have to worry about Darth Vader, stormtroopers, and lizard men bounty hunters, instead," Heyes pointed out. "I'm not sure it would be an improvement."

"I still want to go," Clem said stubbornly.

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea," Leia said, trying to be diplomatic. "The portal won't open up until tomorrow, at noon. Let's get some sleep, and I'm sure in the morning you'll have changed your mind. After all, everything you know is on this planet. You need to consider the consequences of leaving it all behind, forever."

Clem stood up, tossing down her napkin. "I won't change my mind. You don't want me to go back with you because Luke and Han like me better than they like you!"

"That's not the reason," Leia responded tightly.

"Sure it is," Clem snapped back. "I'm going for a walk, so don't wait up for me…Princess."

Curry stood, reaching out for Clem. "You shouldn't go out alone. It's going to be dark pretty soon, and this is a big city. It could be dangerous."

"Curry is right," Luke said. "If you want to go for a walk, someone should go with you."

"It may be a big city, but I'm a big girl," Clem said. "I can take care of myself, boys, and I'll be back before it gets dark." She smiled down at Leia. "See? They _all_ like me."

With those words, Clementine Hale trounced off.

* * *

Clementine wandered around the busy street, peering into the store-front windows and admiring all the exotic merchandise. "I wonder which bonnet would look good on Dantooine," Clem mused aloud. "The pink one with flowers is cute."

"I prefer the blue one," a familiar voice said from next to her shoulder.

Startled, Clem looked down, surprised to see Miguelito Loveless Junior standing next to her. "Why are you here?"

"Coincidently, I just happened to be dining at your hotel's restaurant, and I might have accidentally overhead a bit of your conversation."

"No one was sitting near our table," Clem informed him.

"Okay, I was hiding _under_ the table next to yours," Loveless groused. "It was very difficult to hear everything that was being said under there, too."

"You were spying on us?"

"Yes, but it was a good thing I did," Loveless said quickly. "I believe I can help you, if you agree to help me."

"Help me?"

"You said you wish to go to this galaxy," Loveless said. "And I can't say that I blame you. It must be very advanced, and the women probably make all the laws."

"They might," Clem said. "The men are sure good-looking."

Loveless nodded, grinning. "Those two might even be the runts of the litter."

"What do you want?"

"I want to go with you," Loveless stated. "Their society must be highly evolved, and I am so very weary of living among the backwards, mindless masses on Earth. I was born for better things! I was born to rule, and not just a single, insignificant speck of dust, but HUNDREDS of worlds, perhaps even THOUSANDS of worlds! Worlds that have ships that can move through space, worlds that will finally understand my genius, and bow before my superior greatness!"

"I'd like to point out that your Shake'n'Bake machine wasn't very impressive," Clem said, rolling her eyes.

"That is because I had to work with inferior tools. If I had properly advanced equipment, I could create a machine that would make their Death Star look like a child's toy!"

"So you get to rule over this galaxy, and I get…?"

"All the good-looking men you want, Clementine Hale! You can even be my Empress, and sit on a throne next to me."

"You want me to marry you?" Clem asked, looking appalled.

"A small price to pay for having Solo and Skywalker as your private pets, my dear."

"I'd like to own Heyes and Curry, too," Clem said, a wicked glint coming to her eyes.

"Variety is the spice of life, or so they say," Loveless said agreeably. "So how about it?"

"What do I have to do?"

"Listen carefully, because I have a plan…."

* * *

Very early the next morning…

Han woke up to very loud banging, and for a moment thought he had a hangover. _No, I didn't even drink last night… so what the kriff is all that racket?_

He rolled over and looked at the other bed, and noticed Luke wasn't there. Sighing, he flung off his blanket, and quickly tugged on his pants. _My very own pants…_

Then he opened the door, and peeked out. Luke was standing in front of the room across the corridor, which Leia and Clementine were using, and pounding madly on the door. "LEIA! CLEM! Where are you?"

"They aren't answering?" Han asked, just as Curry and Heyes exited the room next to theirs, looking sleepy and disheveled.

"What's going on out here? Do you know what time it is?" Heyes questioned, sounding quite annoyed.

"It's five thirty," Curry added, rubbing his eyes. "No normal person starts pounding on someone's door at five-thirty. I don't know about where you come from, but on Earth it's considered rude."

"Something's wrong," Luke insisted. "I woke up, and the Force was telling me Leia and Clem weren't in their room. So I got up, and they aren't answering!"

"I know that Clem got back to the hotel long before it got dark outside, because I talked to her," Heyes stated. "She seemed to be in a much better mood than when she left."

"Open up the door," Han told Luke, becoming concerned as well.

Curry wiggled the handle. "Locked."

"That's not a problem," Luke replied, pulling out his lightsaber and turning on the weapon. He pushed the tip of the saber into the key hole, and the door swung open.

"I sure could've used that kind of thing back in my safecracking days," Heyes said, nodding in admiration.

The four men hurried into the women's room, and noted it was indeed empty, although the beds were unmade. "Where do you suppose they went this early?" Han questioned, confused.

"Maybe we should read the note," Curry said, pointing to the flimsy resting against a pillow.

Heyes snatched up the paper, and read, _"If you ever want to see your lady friends again, you will meet me in Chinatown, at Madame Wong's House of Pleasure, at precisely 7:08 a.m. Failure to do so will result in your female companions being sold into slavery and shipped to China on the next boat. Sincerely, Doctor Miguelito Loveless Junior, Genius at Large."_

"Precisely seven-o- _eight?"_ Han questioned with a scowl. "What kind of stupid time is that?"

"That's only five hours before our portal opens," Luke pointed out worriedly. "How far away is Chinatown?"

"Probably ten blocks to the east," Heyes said. "It shouldn't take very long if we go by cable-car."

"Poor Clem," Curry said. "She's probably scared out of her wits."

"Leia's not the type to let someone catch her unaware," Luke said. "I wonder how he got the jump on her?"

"Who knows? But I'd say by the time Leia is through with Loveless, _he's_ gonna be the one scared out of his wits," Han remarked.

* * *

"You'll never get away with this," Leia snapped, glaring at the small man who was pointing a slug-thrower weapon in her direction. With her wrists and ankles tied to a chair, all she could do was glare, although she wanted to wrap her fingers around his throat. Clem's throat, too, for that matter. The local woman had stolen Leia's weapon after she'd gone to sleep, and then opened the door for this insane little lunatic to enter and kidnap her.

"It appears that I have already 'gotten away with it'," Loveless replied, smirking. "Soon, your male companions will be going to see my dear friend, Madame Wong. They will think you are being held in Chinatown, and of course, you are here in my very own apartment, a mere five blocks from your hotel. Madame Wong will give your friends a note, and that note will take them to another location in the city. There, they will find another note, and so on, and so on.."

"What's the point of this?" Leia demanded to know.

"A simple trade," Loveless replied. "While they are busy running around like chickens with their heads cut off, time will be rapidly running out for them to return to your own galaxy. In the meantime, we will go to wait at your portal. When it opens, we will enter."

"I won't leave without Han and Luke," Leia said stubbornly.

"The last note will tell them to head to the portal," Clem said. "If they hurry, they should make it. Exhausted, out of breath, and desperate… but they _should_ make it."

"They should arrive at the portal with seconds to spare," Loveless said, throwing his head back and laughing. "They certainly won't have time to negotiate your release, Princess. If all goes according to plan, ALL of us will jump through the portal at the exact same moment! Muahahahaha!"

"What if I refuse to tell you exactly where the portal is located?"

"Then I will live up to my threat," Loveless said, his face growing hard. "I will sell you, body and soul, to the next boat leaving for China, and you can entertain the sailors on the long voyage over the ocean." He wagged his finger at the Princess. "Plus, I still have to put my last note to your friends in its place, and unless I know the location of the portal, they will never make it back in time. You'd better consider the consequences of your refusal, or all of us will be stuck on this boring planet forever and ever. We wouldn't want that, would we?"

Leia shook her head in disgust. "Why did you go along with this, Clem?"

"Because you told me you wouldn't take me to Dantooine," the other woman replied. "I want to go, and Loveless said I could become his Empress to his Emperor, and I could have Luke, Han, Heyes and Curry as my pet love slaves."

The Princess could hardly believe what she was hearing. "Loveless wants to become the Emperor of our galaxy? And you're willing to marry him?"

"Oh, it will be a _political_ marriage," Clem replied lightly. "He'll be too busy running the galaxy to have time for a wife, and I'll be too busy with my slaves to bother with a husband. Do you have grapes in your galaxy? I've heard love slaves are supposed to feed their owner grapes."

"This is unbelievable," Leia muttered in disgust.

"What's so hard to believe about it?" Loveless snapped. "I'm a brilliant genius! The people of the galaxy will be privileged to have me as their benevolent ruler."

"I'm not sure Emperor Palpatine will be thrilled with your plans," Leia said dryly.

"He can step aside," Loveless said dismissively. "Perhaps I can find a place for him in my Cabinet."

"It's going to take way more than a cabinet to hold a Sith Lord," Leia responded. "This is a really stupid plan, even for an insane diabolical genius. It will never work."

"We won't know until we try, will we? Play along nice, and you can become one of my wives," Loveless informed Leia. "I'm sure I'll have hundreds."

"Hey!" Clem protested. "You're going to have lots of wives? I still get to be the Empress, right?"

"Of course," Loveless reassured her. "The first wife is always the Empress."

"Good," Clem said, nodding in satisfaction.

"Now," Loveless said, leaning closer to Leia's face than what could be considered polite. "Tell me the location of the portal!"

Convinced the raving lunatic's plans didn't stand a chance, Leia capitulated. "It's in an alley, at the corner of Clay and Jones Streets."

"Great!" Loveless said, clapping his hands. "Now I will formulate my final note." He grabbed a piece of paper, and spent long minutes doing detailed mathematical formulas.

"What are you doing?" Clem asked, curious.

"Planning out the precise time it will take four able bodied males to get from Point Lobos to the corner of Clay and Jones."

"Point Lobos?"

"That was the last note's destination," Loveless explained. "Now be quiet! I need to concentrate." He scrunched up his nose, and kept scribbling, until he was finally satisfied with his calculations. "There! They should arrive in the alley at the corner of Clay and Jones at exactly eleven fifty-nine and forty-two seconds. Now I just have to send the note over to Point Lobos."

"Are you going to take it there yourself?" Clem asked. "I can hold the gun on the Princess until you get back."

Loveless frowned. "Do you really think I'd trust you enough to leave you two alone? Ha!" He walked over to the only window in his apartment, and rang a tiny bell. In a few seconds, a small, red-faced monkey wearing a little cap came jumping through the window. "There you are, Mr. Newton." Loveless gave the monkey a peanut, which it promptly cracked open and ate. "Now, take this note to Point Lobos, and place it under the rock next to the big Gum Tree. Do you understand that, Mr. Newton?"

The monkey gave a squeal, and snatched the paper from Loveless's fingers, then disappeared.

Leia gave a sigh of despair.

* * *

Madame Wong's House of Pleasure in Chinatown was precisely that, and Madam Wong herself was an ancient lady of one hundred and two, barely able to speak a word of English. After the men spent a great deal of time and effort attempting to communicate, at exactly eight minutes after seven. she finally gave them a toothless grin and handed them a rolled up paper that she was keeping under her ornate red and gold tunic.

Curry snatched the paper, and opened it up. _"You've reached your first destination. Time to head to the peak of Mount Davidson. At the highest point, tacked to a big red oak, you'll find a new note. Arrive no later than eight fifty-nine, and things should be fine. But if you are late, this entire trip will seal your fate!"_

"Now he's turned into a poet?" Han asked in disbelief.

"A bad poet, too," Heyes added.

Luke looked at his wrist chrono. "It's seven fifteen. We don't have much time."

They ran off, jumping on the nearest cable-car, then hopping off and running to a horse-drawn buggy, and offered the owner five dollars to take them the rest of the way to Mount Davidson. Although Mount Davidson was only nine miles away from Chinatown, it took them a long time to climb up to the nine hundred and twenty-five foot peak, and hunt for the note. Gasping for air, they finally located the oak tree, and ripped off the paper that was tacked to its side.

 _"Congratulations, you silly little fools!,"_ Luke read as he held his aching side. _"Now hurry over to Lake Merced, the exact location where Supreme Court Justice Terry shot Senator Broderick in a duel!"_

"What?!" Han croaked out, flopping down on the grassy lawn.

"If I recall this correctly," Heyes told the men, "back in 1859 those two prominent citizens got into an argument, and they had a pistol fight. Broderick lost."

"Can we find this exact spot?" Luke questioned.

"I suppose someone over there would know where it happened," Heyes said.

"What time is it now?" Curry asked.

Luke looked again at his chrono. "Eight fifty-eight. We're a whole minute ahead of schedule."

The men dragged themselves down the mountain, and purchased another buggy ride over to the inland lake four miles away, arriving at nine-thirty. It was only through good luck that their driver knew exactly where the duel had occurred, and took them to the precise spot. It was there they found yet another note. Heyes read, _"Still hot on the trail, I see! Now go quickly to Point Lobos and find the big rock next to the Gum Tree!"_

"As soon as we find Loveless, I'm shooting him," Han groused out.

"Only if you can outdraw me, because I'm first in that particular line," Curry countered.

At fourteen minutes after ten they arrived at Point Lobos, then spent over an hour hunting for the correct tree, turning over rock after rock before finally finding the next note. It read – _"We'll be waiting in the alley at the corner of Clay and Jones Streets. If you can't make it by noon, well, it was nice knowing you."_

"That's where we came out of the portal!" Heyes said.

"Yeah, and it's only two blocks from our hotel, too," Curry complained.

"At least he didn't bother with the stupid rhyme this time," Han said. "Hey, that rhymes!"

"Uh, guys?" Luke said. "We have less than forty-five minutes to make it to the corner of Clay and Jones, or we're going to miss the opening of the portal."

The citizens of San Francisco never saw four men run faster.

* * *

Doctor Loveless forced Leia at gunpoint to the corner of Clay and Jones Streets, keeping the weapon hidden under his coat, which he had casually draped over his arm. "Which alley?"

"That one," Leia nodded to the familiar buildings, and the narrow strip of bricks running between them. She would have pointed, but her wrists were still tightly bound with rough ropes, and Clem had covered Leia's restraints with a knitted shawl.

"Fantastic!," Loveless whispered in awe. "Soon, Clementine, you and I shall behold worlds filled with wonders beyond our wildest fantasies! My father would be so proud of me if he only knew that I was about to become the Supreme Ruler of an entire _galaxy!_ James West and his worthless sidekick Artemus Gordon won't be around to stop me! No one will be able to stop me! Maybe I will rebuild that Death Star weapon, fly it over here to Earth and blow up this miserable planet. This is so thrilling I could wet my drawers!"

"It _is_ exciting," Clem agreed. "I sure hope those boys make it on time." She looked at Leia. "Are all the guys in your galaxy as cute as Luke and Han?"

"No, they happen to be the cutest," Leia stated. "In fact, all the rest of the men in my galaxy look pretty much like Doctor Loveless."

"Really?" Clem asked, eyes wide. "Are they at least tall?"

"Nope," Leia said. "Now that I think about it, most of them are way shorter than the two of us. Shorter even than Doctor Loveless."

While this bit of information startled Clem, Loveless looked pleased. "Good!" he said, nodding in approval. "The new Emperor should be the tallest man on the block. As soon as Clem's love slaves are removed from the eyes of polite society, everyone will admire my good looks and soaring height."

"That'll happen," Leia muttered under her breath.

They headed down the alley, and reached the brick wall at the end of the narrow path. "Right here?" Loveless questioned.

"This is the place," Leia replied.

He looked at his pocket watch. "Twelve minutes to noon. I wonder if your friends will arrive in time?"

* * *

"Why does this cable-car have to stop at every corner?" Han complained, bouncing up and down on his toes with nervous energy. "What time is it now?"

"One minute after the last time you asked me," Luke replied. "We've got eight minutes."

"We're never going to make it," Heyes said. "Not at this pokey speed."

"Maybe we should press a gun against the cable-car operator's ribs, and order him not to make any more stops," Curry suggested.

"We are not threatening innocent bystanders," Luke snapped. "I'm a Jedi, and it's about time I started acting like one."

"Oh, sure," Han groused. _"Now_ he wants to act like a Jedi."

"I should have been acting like one all along," Luke informed his friend. "I have to stop allowing myself to be influenced by other people."

"Hey! If we wouldn't have won that money in Reno, we wouldn't have had the money for a hotel room, or all these horse drawn buggy rides, or food, or…"

"I get it," Luke interrupted. "It still wasn't right. I can't allow the ends to justify the means. Not if I want to stay true to the code of the Jedi."

"Fine, Kid. Stay true to your code. How many minutes do we have?"

"One minute less than the last time you asked me."

* * *

In the dark alleyway, Loveless kept his eyes darting from the brick wall, then over toward the alley's entrance. Glancing again at his watch, he smiled. "Two minutes. They have two more minutes."

Leia bit her bottom lip in concern. If Luke and Han failed to show, she had decided to struggle against going into the portal. Let Clem and Loveless go alone. The odds they'd make it out of the cave alive were slim, and the odds they'd ever be able to cause Vader more than a second's worth of trouble was even slimmer. Leia was certain the Rebellion would continue on without her. Hopefully, the Rebellion would survive without their last Jedi.

"One more minute," Loveless said, jerking Leia by her arm, and forcing her to face the wall. "Fifty-five seconds…." The wall began to shimmer, and the iridescent curtain reappeared.

* * *

"There it is!" Heyes shouted, waving at the other three men as they ran full tilt down Jones Street. "That's the right alley!"

"Are you sure?" Han asked. "We don't have time to check another alley if this one isn't it."

"It's the right one," Luke said. "Leia's down there… I can sense her!"

They rushed down the narrow alley, and as they approached the back end, they could see Loveless holding Leia's arm, and Clem waving them forward. The portal had already formed.

"Leia!" Luke shouted, still running at her. "Are you okay?"

"Luke! The portal is only going to stay open for another few seconds!" The Princess attempted to reach for Luke and Han, only to be jerked backwards by Loveless, and found herself falling through the shimmering veil. Immediately, Luke grabbed Han's wrist and launched himself forward. The young Jedi shut his eyes, concentrating on the Force and following Leia's presence through the cold void.

Clem had run several steps back to Heyes and Curry, grabbing their hands and trying to urge them toward the portal. "Hurry! We have to hurry!"

Both cowboys skidded to a stop, forcing Clem to stop as well. "No, Clem. We can't go back. It's not our time or place," Heyes stated.

"I want to go there! I'll go without you, then." She released their hands, and turned in time to see the portal disappear. Clem dropped to her knees, wailing, "NOOO!"

* * *

Inside the secret cave on Dantooine, four humans reappeared through the portal. Leia jerked her arm away from Loveless. "You're here. I hope you're happy."

"Ecstatic," Loveless said, spinning around and staring at all sides of the chamber, not even caring that Luke snatched the gun from his fingers.

"Should I shoot him now, or later?" Han questioned, untying Leia's wrists.

"I haven't made up my mind," Leia replied, rubbing the tender skin where the ropes had rubbed her flesh. "I wonder what happened to Clem, Heyes and Curry?"

"They stayed behind," a soft voice replied. "In their own time and place."

Luke turned around, and took a deep breath as he nodded at the serene woman dressed in Jedi robes. "Hello. My name is Luke and I'm pleased to meet you. Leia told me all about you."

"I am pleased to meet you, as well, Luke."

"Thank you for allowing Leia to use the portal. We appreciate it."

The woman inclined her head slightly. "You are most welcome. I am pleased you were able to access the portal as intended."

Luke frowned, suddenly aware that he was unable to sense the woman through the Force. "Are you real?"

"My name is Vasha Billaba, an Adept of Chalacta, and sister of Depa Billaba. She was a powerful Jedi that fell to the darkside many years ago. This portal has been placed under my watch, so I may make atonement in the name of my family."

"You already told me that," Leia said, looking in confusion at Luke.

"I apologize for causing you confusion," Vasha responded. "It is not my intention."

"Leia, she isn't real," Luke said as he slowly walked around the woman. "This is only a holo-gram."

"That can't be," Leia argued. "She answered all my questions."

"That's what she's programmed to do," Luke explained. "She listens for key words, and then supplies the right answers. Somewhere inside this room there must be a droid brain. Isn't that right, Vasha?"

"You are very observant."

"How can we get safely out of these tunnels?"

"When you leave, the doorway will shut. Wait for a moment, and the way out will become clear. May the Force be with you, and always guard against the darkside."

Just as Vasha disappeared, the huge round door reappeared, and swung open. The group hurried out of the cave, and Leia was surprised to find that Seviss was still waiting. Then a large boulder shifted to the right, allowing a bright, distant beam of light to shine down, illuminating a stone stairway to the surface.

"Seviss!" Leia cried out, throwing her arms around the Dantari. "You're still here?"

"Seviss wait here only few moments," the Dantari informed her, frowning in confusion. "Where Heyes and Curry?"

"They're back home, where they belong," Leia said, smiling with relief. "These are my friends, Luke and Han. Luke, Han, this is Seviss. He's been very helpful to me in getting you back home."

"Thank you, Seviss," Luke said, shaking the man's enormous hand. "We will be forever in your debt."

Seviss nodded. "Seviss hope Luke and Han nice like Heyes and Curry."

"They are," Leia reassured the big man. "Well, at least _Luke_ is nice."

"Hey!" Han protested. "I'm nice!" Then he looked around in surprise. "Where did the crazy guy go?"

"Little man?" Seviss held his hand about waist high. "This high? He sneak past, minute ago. He say something like, 'Loveless soon rule galaxy."

"I don't think he was too interested in waiting around for you to shoot him," Leia told Han.

"Should we go look for him?" Luke questioned. "He might cause us trouble, later."

"Let him find his own way out," Leia said, leading the way toward the stairs. "All I want to do is get back to base, and take a long, hot shower."

"I'd like that, too," Han agreed. "Maybe we could conserve water and take that shower together."

"You can _never_ stop annoying the Princess, can you?" Luke complained to Han.

"Nope."

Leia smiled. "It's nice to have you back. _Both_ of you."

* * *

Epilogue

Dantooine.

"Who is responsible for allowing that freighter to escape from Dantooine?" Vader hissed out, furious at the report that the _Millennium Falcon_ had jumped safely into hyperspace. He turned his black visor toward Bossk, the Bounty Hunter. "You are an incompetent fool!"

"It issss hardly my fault your troopsss failed to find where Sssoloss ssship wass hidden," Bossk responded, while fearing for his very life. "I did my part by luring them here."

Vader knew the bounty hunter spoke the truth, and killing him would only result in instilling too much fear in other bounty hunters to allow them to be recruited by the Empire. "Go to your ship, Bossk. Consider yourself lucky that I am willing to allow you to continue to aid the Empire in its hunt for rebels."

The bounty hunter nodded, then turned and hurried away. Vader watched him go, then spun around to head back to his own shuttle. Unexpectedly, a very short human stepped out from behind a bush, grinning. Vader could tell this was no local human, even though his clothes appeared to be very primitive.

"Who are you?" Vader demanded.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the man replied, stepping closer and holding out his hand for Lord Vader to shake. "Doctor Miguelito Loveless Junior at your service."

**THE END**


End file.
